Vent-Fiance's Sister!

ShyDreamer00

Okay-so I didn't want to post this on the etiquette board as I already know what the etiquette is regarding the matter, lol. However, I still had to vent about it...
My fiance's sister has never liked me, since we started dating (rest of his family loves me, thank goodness). She's a drama queen and always has to be the center of attention. She has been jealous of my fiance since they were little-he played football, did drama, madrigal choir, etc. Anyways, they hadn't talked in about 2 1/2 years because she got jealous over the fact that my fiance and I were expecting our daughter, she made it all about her and said "no one would be as happy for her or support her as much" if she found out she was pregnant. She also sent an email later on saying how she wanted nothing to do with fiance, me, or our daughter....which was true for those 2 1/2 years as she never came to the baby shower, the hospital when she was born, and only just met her only niece when she was 18 months old. And that is only because she had to move home to live with her mom and siblings....Also, this sister is my fiance's ONLY full sister...his other 7 siblings are all half-siblings (but he loves and has a great relationship with all of them).
However, we just found out from fiance's little sister that when this one sister received her invitation to the wedding that she said she didn't want to go and why did they even bother to invite her? We had really only invited her due to "etiquette" reasons, but fiance now says he doesn't even want her there (neither do I). I strongly feel that one shouldn't feel obligated to invite those who won't celebrate your day and be happy for you (she wouldn't be, plus I think she would create some kind of scene). She just recently got into a fight with her 14 year old sister (and she's 24), cussed her out, then cussed out her 4 and 6 year old sisters for no reason, and threw a can of soup at the 14 year old. I know that fighting happens between siblings, but she's 10 years older....she has a major temper.
Did anyone else have a similar problem? If so, how did you handle it? I know that etiquette dictates that she should still be invited, but my fiance is already dead-set on not having her there...

eseney82

She sounds like she has some other issues going on upstairs if she is fighting with a 14 year old, like a child.  But, unfortunately, since you already sent her an invitation there is nothing you can do.  It will be up to her if she decides to attend or not.  My guess is she wont show up; if she does attend, dont let it bother you and go on with your day, enjoy the company of all your other guests, its your wedding day! 

Maggie0829

Actually etiquette does not dictate that she should be invited.  You are not required anyone, no matter their relation to you.  If you didn't want her there then you should not have invited her, but that ship has sailed.  Hopefully she will decline your invite but if she doesn't do your best to ignore anything she has to say and stay out of any drama she creates.  Remember you will have a lot of other guests at your wedding so you will not need to spend a lot, if any, time with her that day if you do not wish to.

AceTT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_vent-fiances-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3953a201-500f-440a-834c-e6e61063bb92Post:7a38ac8b-b195-4fe9-aebf-55bf33cabb72">Vent-Fiance's Sister!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay-so I didn't want to post this on the etiquette board as I already know what the etiquette is regarding the matter, lol. However, I still had to vent about it... My fiance's sister has never liked me, since we started dating (rest of his family loves me, thank goodness). She's a drama queen and always has to be the center of attention. She has been jealous of my fiance since they were little-he played football, did drama, madrigal choir, etc. Anyways, they hadn't talked in about 2 1/2 years because she got jealous over the fact that my fiance and I were expecting our daughter, she made it all about her and said "no one would be as happy for her or support her as much" if she found out she was pregnant. She also sent an email later on saying how she wanted nothing to do with fiance, me, or our daughter....which was true for those 2 1/2 years as she never came to the baby shower, the hospital when she was born, and only just met her only niece when she was 18 months old. And that is only because she had to move home to live with her mom and siblings....Also, this sister is my fiance's ONLY full sister...his other 7 siblings are all half-siblings (but he loves and has a great relationship with all of them). However, we just found out from fiance's little sister that <strong>when this one sister received her invitation to the wedding that she said she didn't want to go and why did they even bother to invite her? </strong>We had really only invited her due to "etiquette" reasons, but fiance now says he doesn't even want her there (neither do I). I strongly feel that one shouldn't feel obligated to invite those who won't celebrate your day and be happy for you (she wouldn't be, plus I think she would create some kind of scene). She just recently got into a fight with her 14 year old sister (and she's 24), cussed her out, then cussed out her 4 and 6 year old sisters for no reason, and threw a can of soup at the 14 year old. I know that fighting happens between siblings, but she's 10 years older....she has a major temper. Did anyone else have a similar problem? If so, how did you handle it? I know that etiquette dictates that she should still be invited, but my fiance is already dead-set on not having her there...
Posted by ShyDreamer00[/QUOTE]
<div>Sounds like the sister probably won't attend the wedding, so I don't think you need to worry about it. I also don't think you should uninvite her. She does sound like a total drama queen, but she may grow up one of these days and you may be able to have a relationship with her. If that happens, you will probably be happy you didn't taint the relationship further when you uninvited her to your wedding.</div>

smmessinger

 I haven't had a simialr situation I just wanted to say I am sorry and also say if it comes between etiquette and happiness my choice would be happiness. Good luck I hope it works out for the best.

ShyDreamer00

Thank you ladies! They are a very dramatic family-LOL, my family is much more reserved so its quite an eye-opener to be around that kind of drama. However, I will say that when his 24 year old sister is not in the picture, that things are much calmer (she starts alot of drama). When she got in the fight with the 14 year old, the 14 year old was so upset that she called her mom in tears (who was at work). My fiance is very protective of his little sisters and he pretty much told his sisters to call him if there are any other problems....his mom is ready to throw out the 24 year old (she doesn't pay rent/contribute the household/and just adds drama).
I know the ship has sailed on the invitation, but my fiance is the one who is ready to call his sister and tell her to NOT bother coming to the wedding as he doesn't want her there. Personally, I won't let her ruin my day, but he doesn't want his sister picking with the little ones or starting trouble that day....if she did we already have a contingency plan that if she gets out of hand two of our marine friends will escort her off the property. He just doesn't want to have to deal with her at all..sigh...
I do think she will attend as his mom has said that she already bought a dress for the wedding. I have just seen her in action and even recently she acted a fool at her grandmother's funeral, by inviting a friend to the hotel the night before so that they could drink, plus had no problem bringing a bottel of vodka to wake after the funeral (she and her friend were taking swigs out of it). She, ofcourse, thought this was funny and cool....and proceeded to tell people how it was better being a "drunk b*tch"......and if she didn't drink alot as it is I would have thought she was dealing with the pain from losing her grandma, but that totally wasn't it. She even took off 4 days after the funeral so that she go down and "party" with her friends in a different city....I know and understand that she probably has ALOT of issues that need to be worked out, but I feel we shouldn't have to deal with them too because she doesn't want to.....sorry for the vent, ladies....I'm just stressed with wedding stuff as it is
BTW-my fiance has no desire to have a relationship with this sister now or in the future, especially after her feelings about the wedding, how she has treated our daughter, and her family....she didn't bother seeing her family for about 2 years after fiance and she had the fight because the family was all on his side. She only started really talking with her mom because she needed a place to live....

ShyDreamer00

Actually, his family has already said that she doesn't need to attend the wedding either, his family has supported his decisions regarding the sister since SHE decided to alienate every single relative or use them in some way.
I realize I may sound judgemental regarding her grief regarding the funeral, but let's be honest....how would you look at someone that is swigging from a bottle of vodka and sharing it with her friend, while laughing about it and saying how proud she is to be a "drunk b*tch." My fiance even went back to work the following day while she had a mini-vacation (they were both very close to that grandma). I understand that we all deal with grief in different ways, but I know she is a girl who likes to party and she pretty much used the death of a family member as an excuse to do that. She didn't even come see her grandma when she was doing bad and asking for her specifically....so I really can't feel that much sympathy for her. She burned that bridge with me.
My fiance may cool down enough to allow the invitation to stand, but I don't know. She hasn't been invited to any other family events since she hurt those relationships on her own-she wasn't invited to any of her first cousins weddings/bridal showers in the past year, birthday parties, etc....so while it may seem like my fiance may be the "asshole" he wouldn't be the only one!

smmessinger

 Nope because I would feel the same way he does if i was in that situation.