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Ok, here's one...

Little bacground info.... My Fi and I are paying for everything, except for the food. FMIL was so excited about the wedding that she and a few of her close family members have graciously offered to take care of the dinner at the wedding. They came up with a great menu of home cooked food and we are very pleased. We have told her to get us a guest list of her family & friends, and she has given us a number. Here is my issue... FMIL has a close friend, around my age that she calls her adopted daughter. She has been around for years, always going back and forth between FI and his two brothers, trying to date them (none of which have ever given her the time of day). She has made it clear that she doesn't like me, going as far as telling FI he didn't need a gf when we started dating. There was also and occasion that she sat in FMIL's driveway as FI and I were saying our goodbyes, and wouldn't leave until I did. FI and I laugh about these things, but here is my dilema. This girl has never said more than three words to me, but I know we are expected to invite her. Am I being childish in saying, if she can't even acknowledge my existence, than why should I invite her?
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Re: Ok, here's one...

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    Does your FI want to invite her?  I think if your FMIL and his family are providing the food they should get a say.  The food/drink is the most expensive part of most weddings.  I'd be the bigger person here and invite her.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ok-heres-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e89e169-e4f1-4dac-9670-958738119a64Post:fec8cfae-1393-48ee-bf89-cb9da1130d91">Re: Ok, here's one...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does your FI want to invite her?  I think if your FMIL and his family are providing the food they should get a say.  The food/drink is the most expensive part of most weddings.  I'd be the bigger person here and invite her.
    Posted by MrsGandthebeag[/QUOTE]

    FI can't stand her. I thought about talking to FMIL, 'cause we are close, but I don't want to upset her. We probably will invite her to keep peace. I just wanted to know what other people's opinions were.
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    It's up to FI to talk to his mom. There's no way you could talk to his mom and come out smelling like a rose.
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    I don't think you have to invite her per se, but I would to keep the peace.   In the grand scheme of things it's one person out of many.    I barely spent time with my own husband, I'm sure you will not really notice this girl.    






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    edited March 2013
    Since they are paying for the food/making it the friends of FMIL I would personally bite the bullet and invite her. There will be many other people there to focus on. I'm NOT saying you would focus on her but the others will keep her off your mind if shes inappropriate. If she had done something astronomical to you try to run you over with a car, mess with your work place etc then I would say no. Since you say the FI can't stand her though the least he could do is say to his mom "is it very important to you that so and so come to our wedding?" Instead of flat out saying we don't want her there, hopefully posing it as a question to her won't be as "confrontational" in her mind. Also if this gal creates a problem on the wedding day, that's what ushers are for. I went to a wedding that there were some people invited that do not get along with each other and it was made known prior to the wedding that if ANYONE, family or friend, started creating any drama then they would be asked to leave the premises. Thankfully everyone got along and there were no problems.
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    I would just invite her. Like Lynda said, you won't even notice her there.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    In Response to Re:Ok, here's one...:[QUOTE]It sounds like she's basically a member of the family as far as your FILs are concerned, so you need to invite her.

    you'll barely notice her, and on the upside, if she still has a "thing" for your FI, watching you two be showered with attention and being the happy newlyweds will drive her batty. So you get revenge AND avoid hurting your MIL's feelings. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I said the same thing, but my mom told me that was wrong. I would secretly enjoy it. Guess I'm a bit of a beotch at times. So I guess it would be a win/win situation ;p
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    Agreed, be beautiful and make her jealous. It'll probably bother her even more that you don't have a problem inviting her.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ok-heres-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e89e169-e4f1-4dac-9670-958738119a64Post:064f88f2-ec78-402d-acf9-eda9ac04f505">Re:Ok, here's one...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Ok, here's one... : Yep. You'll look kind and gracious and she will look like a jealous nut.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]
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    In Response to Re:Ok, here's one...:[QUOTE]Your mom said it was an incorrect assumption or that it would be morally wrong to enjoy it? Because the things that are "wrong" but don't actually hurt anybody are the best kind. ;D

    ETA: and when you get to be "wrong" while doing the right thing? Even better. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]


    Mom said it'd be wrong to enjoy her jealousy. She doesn't have a spiteful bone in her body. I, on the other hand...
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    hockeywife10hockeywife10 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited March 2013
    Ok, so I will definetly invite her, make FMIL happy, and have a little fun in the process. If I even notice her, I will be sure to be super nice to her. Maybe she will even take pics of me and my hubby and put them on her Facebook. Considering she put up a pic of him and his ex, that she refuses to take down, because its a "memory". Lmao
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    In Response to Re:Ok, here's one...:[QUOTE]Your mom said it was an incorrect assumption or that it would be morally wrong to enjoy it? Because the things that are "wrong" but don't actually hurt anybody are the best kind. ;D

    ETA: and when you get to be "wrong" while doing the right thing? Even better. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Hah! Too true, preach it!
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ok-heres-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e89e169-e4f1-4dac-9670-958738119a64Post:01fb8b0e-998c-4e33-8480-b028e96a3670">Re:Ok, here's one...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, so I will definetly invite her, make FMIL happy, and have a little fun in the process. If I even notice her, I will be sure to be super nice to her. Maybe she will even take pics of me and my hubby and put them on her Facebook. Considering she put up a pic of him and his ex, that she refuses to take down, because its a "memory". Lmao
    Posted by crystal&russl10[/QUOTE]

    Maybe she will start to acknowledge your existence!
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    Or she might paste her face onto the picture of you and FI and post THAT version on fb...
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    In Response to Re:Ok, here's one...:[QUOTE]Or she might paste her face onto the picture of you and FI and post THAT version on fb... Posted by alaynajk321[/QUOTE]

    I can only imagine FI's reaction to that, he already flipped on her about that pic with his ex... That would be so creepy!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ok-heres-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:6e89e169-e4f1-4dac-9670-958738119a64Post:6a5b6d8b-0201-460a-84f0-e85b619d6772">Re:Ok, here's one...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, definitely invite her, and DEFINITELY enjoy it.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Sounds like a plan :)
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