Guy's Night

teralicious

My fiance has a poker night twice a month, he invites guys from work. I usually go out with friends or stay upstairs. About a week ago one of his female co-workers found out about poker night and asked to be invited. My fiance said that only guys come and she threw a fit about not being invited and said he was sexist.

My feeling is if he invited her then he should also invite the wives of all the men that attend (about 10 guys come consistently, my guy being the only one that is not married). 

So now we have a dilemma. Does he keep it a guy's event, do we make it co-ed, or no longer host it.

AdeleDazeem

I'm so not the right person to ask about this because the terms "guys' night" and "girls;'night" make my skin crawl.

As far as I can see, the guys sit around and play poker.  He has every right to invite who he wants.  It's not a wedding and I seriously don't see why he should invite wives and/or this random chick who wants to come.  If she's that bent out of shape over it, she can organize her own poker event and invte whomever she wants.

MyNameIsNot

I think he needs to take the work situation into account.  Is this a situation where he is inviting the whole group except for this one chick?  Or is it just some guys from here and there and there are plenty of other women around?

I wouldn't want to be involved in a situation where I was inviting everyone except one person from my office to things.  I don't know what could happen, but that would just make me uneasy.  

teralicious

No there are other women he works with.

MyNameIsNot

Then screw this chick.

J&K10910

Can he do one guys' poker night and one co-ed poker night a month?

I mean, chick is rude and sounds pretty crazy, but if she's going to pitch a fit and make work difficult, then maybe it's a good compromise.

LizziebeeUT

She needs to get over it. She acts like this, and then wonders why they don't want to invite her?

She's not his wife, she doesn't get to bitch at him for not inviting her somewhere. Does she invite him to every get-together she has?

LP11509

I'd keep it the way it is.  She was out of line IMO.  But, I'm also a strong believer that couples should be allowed/encouraged to have their own individual interests/friends, and don't have to do EVERYTHING together.  

teralicious

She was totally out of line for asking to be invited. I also think couples need to have their own individual things. I have thought about doing a co-ed poker night just one time to shut her up but I honestly cannot accomodate 10 guys, 10 spouses, and her.

AdeleDazeem

I still don't understand why if she is invited that all the spouses have to be invited...?  It's just poker night.

emarston1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_guys-night?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:87e3e82e-cff2-4d42-9533-e0d3c9136a35Post:463020cc-44fc-4d29-9a16-3111afe96eff">Re: Guy's Night</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so not the right person to ask about this because the terms "guys' night" and "girls;'night" make my skin crawl. As far as I can see, the guys sit around and play poker.  <strong>He has every right to invite who he wants.</strong>  It's not a wedding and I seriously don't see why he should invite wives and/or this random chick who wants to come.  If she's that bent out of shape over it, she can organize her own poker event and invte whomever she wants.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
Yep, this.  It's a private event and he has the right to invite whoever he wants to his house. 

My advice is he, and the rest of the guys, should stop talkin about poker night in front of people who aren't invited.  This is a good rule of thumb for any event where not everyone is invited because people start to feel excluded.

teralicious

Several spouses do not like her because she is single and has made passes at people's husbands. (That is a whole other issue) My fiance thinks that if he just invites her and it is all guys and just her that the guys wives will be upset at the situation and then poker night will no longer happen because the wives are mad. My fiance asked several women he works with about it and they all said they had no desire to come over for poker night.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_guys-night?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:87e3e82e-cff2-4d42-9533-e0d3c9136a35Post:aeee54cd-7a7c-4196-aab8-7fb6f19be7e5">Re: Guy's Night</a>:
[QUOTE]Several spouses do not like her because she is single and has made passes at people's husbands. (That is a whole other issue) My fiance thinks that if he just invites her and it is all guys and just her that the guys wives will be upset at the situation and then poker night will no longer happen because the wives are mad. My fiance asked several women he works with about it and they all said they had no desire to come over for poker night.
Posted by teralicious[/QUOTE]

Oh good grief.  If this girl is going to hook up with someone's husband, then she's going to do it whether poker night is involved or not.  I'm seriously rolling my eyes. 

Tell him to invite whoever he wants and to just keep his mouth shut in front of her.

teralicious

I agree poker night or not people can still cheat on each other. I think he just doens't think it would be fair for her to come and not any other women. Why should he make an exception for her because she wants to come. He never talks about it in front of her, she over heard a conversation two other guys were having and confronted him. And I know for a fact we have not been invited to every function she holds at her home. It will remain just guys, she can kick rocks.

AdeleDazeem

I realize that I'm weird about this, but I just don't get guy/girl lines when it comes to adult social functions.  The people who want to come should go regardless of their gender.

If your husband wants to keep it to guys, then keep it to guys.  If your husband wants to keep it to poker players, then keep it to poker players.  But what I don't understand is if said poker play is a girl, then why would non poker females then have to come?

But anyway - it's not the point :-)

emarston1

I think you're over thinking this tera.  Just don't invite her and I certainly wouldn't reward her childish antics by giving her exactly what she wants.

Simply Fated

You can't always invite everyone at once, so it makes sense to break people down into smaller groups.
If he wants to invite just the guys, that's his choice. I think it's fine.

As someone who is "one of the guys" I've come to accept that while I'm totally "one of the guys" I'm not actually a guy. Therefore, I'm never going to totally be accepted into their inner circle. It is what it is.

jennipea382

I say keep it as a guy's night. Sometimes I just need some girl time, and guys need their guy time. I see nothing wrong with that once in a while. If this woman could potentially cause issues, I wouldn't invite her either way. I agree with the PP that said if she's going to do something, she'll do it. But this gives her time outside of work with them, and it apparently makes their wives uncomfortable. I'd just avoid any potential problems personally.

melntaitt

Well now that she's pitched a fit definitely keep her overbearing a$$ out of there. Bringing her in is reinforcing that negative behavior and it will make her think it's ok. Your husband doesn't owe her an explanation, invitation, spit in the wind, nothing! She's a whiny child that's upset because she thinks she isn't hanging with the cool kids and now she's pitching a fit.

Tell her to get over herself; get a life and plan her own function and stop looking for other people to whine at when things don't go her way.