If you wrote only one sentence about your relationship with your fiancé(e), would that sentence

karenshopping

To clarify, I'm not talking about the word "work" referring to employment. I'm talking about the word "work" in the sense meant in expressions like "work on our relationship". I've heard this expression for years. Lately, I realized that I don't think this way about my relationship with my fiancé. I don't recall hearing it used about other non-couple relationship. So, I just wondered if you think of your relationship this way. If you do, do you know how or where the term "work" came from for you? Relevant discussion is welcome.

[Deleted User]

No. We consider ourselves really lucky. We don't have to work at anything relationship related. I've been in relationships where I did though. They were painful. Not necessarily because we worked at them, but more because the things we did have to work on were huge and, for the most part, insurmountable.

[Deleted User]

I think all relationships require work to some extent, even if it's something as simple as making sure you adjust your schedules to allow some quality time together. It's when that one sentence about your relationship contains the word that you have a problem, if that's the only way you can describe it.

But, I also think "work" has a negative connotation that it doesn't always deserve. Nothing wrong with working to improve communication, financial situations, settle arguments, build stronger relationships, etc. If you have to work hard just to be in the same room as the person, then there are issues.

I think that all made more sense in my head.

[Deleted User]

I didn't think about it that way, Sesh. We definitely have to work to make sure we make time for just us. Since we have a child, it doesn't come naturally, so that's something we really do work at.

[Deleted User]

That's what I was saying (or trying to, anyway), cew. I don't think there is anything wrong with saying you have to work to make sure there is time for the two of you. But if you're having to work just to WANT to spend time with that person, then there is an issue. Two different kinds of work, I guess.

I'm not explaining it well. These new meds make me dizzy and I'm not thinking right.

gosuzy

Right now FI and I are still living in different states, so we have to "work" to stay in touch. And we do "work" to resolve some issues, since we've both been married before and have some baggage to "work" through.

As far as doing things together and enjoying being together, that is plain fun, never work.

But I'll take this kind of work over my first marriage, which had deteriorated to the point where we couldn't work together, couldn't work as a team, and were basically housemates living separate lives. And it was my experience that when our child was young, we really had to work to find time together and to stay connected.

I've heard the term "work" before in connection with friendships too. I believe we have to work at our friendships to nurture them and keep them strong too.

september's bride

I think that yes, relationships require work in the sense that we work to learn the best way to adapt within our relationships as our world changes. Much like Sesh and Cew said about working to make time together, I think relationships require us to work to make sure our lives with our spouse/partner work within the world and circumstances we live in.

I don't think that my personal relationship requires a great deal of "work" to make it work, if that makes sense, but it does always need attention to make sure that our priorities are in tune with what's best for us as a couple.

Nebb

My husband and I work on our marriage regularly, but it isnt something we say we need to do, we dont actively discuss it and it isnt at the forefront of our mind - it just happens on a daily basis as we communicate and grow. Mostly, we just laugh. A lot.

Youve tricked me into using work in my sentence. I wouldnt have normally used it.

number55

In some ways I am constantly 'working' toward being a better spouse. I am not perfect, nor am I machine. I work at being more patient,  more understanding, more loving, more forgiving. But none of it seems like work because we are worth it. He is worth it. I want to be a better spouse because of how great he is. 

number55

also...we would love to work (as in actual job) together (but it likely won't ever happen) and we work out together about 5 times a week .  

matuofm

I'm thinking along the same lines as Nebb on this one.  Any good relationship takes a lot of work and committment - and in my opinion, that goes for non-romantic relationships as well.

But to me the interesting question here is "If you described your relationship in one sentence, would the word 'work' be in that sentence?"  For me, the answer is definitely no.  I believe that working at our relationship is the most important job I have in life, but if I was asked to describe our relationship, I'd probably say something like "We make each other so happy," or "We're such a great team," or "Being with each other feels like coming home." 

The point is, the sum-up statement of our relationship doesn't include the sentiment that "This is work."  It's that "This is contentment and happiness."  If you're thinking of your relationship primarily in terms of work, that seems like a danger sign to me.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wrote-only-one-sentence-relationship-fiance-would-sentence-contain-word-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:424579a5-2431-49dc-b8bb-78e0ff3f6698Post:b590682f-871d-4598-b965-8571a1803b7e">Re: If you wrote only one sentence about your relationship with your fiancé(e), would that sentence contain the word "work"?</a>:
[QUOTE]also...we would love to work (as in actual job) together (but it likely won't ever happen) and we work out together about 5 times a week :).  
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]

I worked for H for a couple years when we first got together. It was great, I got to see him every day, and with his shirt off most of the time! But I didn't enjoy the job itself, landscaping stuff. Just seeing H shirtless and sweaty. And, I could tease him that he couldn't yell at me or else I wouldn't cook him dinner.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wrote-only-one-sentence-relationship-fiance-would-sentence-contain-word-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:424579a5-2431-49dc-b8bb-78e0ff3f6698Post:4cd62e4d-ce2f-430e-817d-ca418de8931c">Re: If you wrote only one sentence about your relationship with your fiancé(e), would that sentence contain the word "work"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm thinking along the same lines as Nebb on this one.  Any good relationship takes a lot of work and committment - and in my opinion, that goes for non-romantic relationships as well. But to me the interesting question here is "If you described your relationship in one sentence, would the word 'work' be in that sentence?"  For me, the answer is definitely no.  I believe that working at our relationship is the most important job I have in life, but if I was asked to describe our relationship, I'd probably say something like "We make each other so happy," or "We're such a great team," or "Being with each other feels like coming home."  The point is, the sum-up statement of <strong>our relationship doesn't include the sentiment that "This is work."  It's that "This is contentment and happiness."  If you're thinking of your relationship primarily in terms of work, that seems like a danger sign to me.</strong>
Posted by matuofm[/QUOTE]
Agreed, completely.

number55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wrote-only-one-sentence-relationship-fiance-would-sentence-contain-word-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:424579a5-2431-49dc-b8bb-78e0ff3f6698Post:5ba2e7c2-1572-445f-ad79-abc00ecf462c">Re: If you wrote only one sentence about your relationship with your fiancé(e), would that sentence contain the word "work"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: If you wrote only one sentence about your relationship with your fiancé(e), would that sentence contain the word "work"? : I worked for H for a couple years when we first got together. It was great, I got to see him every day, and with his shirt off most of the time! But I didn't enjoy the job itself, landscaping stuff. Just seeing H shirtless and sweaty. And, I could tease him that he couldn't yell at me or else I wouldn't cook him dinner.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>We met at work. We have the same profession and we talk about it all the time. It would just be so much easier if we just worked together. Our goal for now is to teach the same grade but that might not even happen for next year. We do work very well together but it would be way better if he could do it with his shirt off - but it would also be very inappropriate!:)

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raynes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wrote-only-one-sentence-relationship-fiance-would-sentence-contain-word-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:424579a5-2431-49dc-b8bb-78e0ff3f6698Post:3b585988-7a2f-4507-84c1-84ee291c98d1">Re: If you wrote only one sentence about your relationship with your fiancé(e), would that sentence contain the word "work"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In some ways I am constantly 'working' toward being a better spouse. I am not perfect, nor am I machine. I work at being more patient,  more understanding, more loving, more forgiving. But none of it seems like work because we are worth it. He is worth it. I want to be a better spouse because of how great he is. 
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]

I don't think I could have said this better myself.  In fact, I know I couldn't have.  numbers, thank you for putting my thoughts into words!

LessThanZero

OP, are you gathering information for a book? You set up polls everywhere.

Anyway, I chose "no". We've had ups and downs, sure. But there's much more to our relationship than that. If I only had a sentence, work would not be involved.

sarah0725

I don't think I would put "work" into a one sentence summary of our relationship, because in one sentence I would want to get to the essence of why we work, to wit: "Charlie makes up stories about little white goats to tell me because he knows I love them."

And then I think you get the gist of us.

However, I don't think there's anything at all wrong with saying that relationships take work. No two people are 100% compatible in all things and will remain that way forever, so being in a long-term relationship with someone is a constant series of compromises and constantly involves choosing to continue that relationship. For instance, we do not currently have matching philosophies on how cluttered/uncluttered the house should be, and we need to work on that. We have recently worked out a compromise whereby I learn to be good at rock climbing because he loves it, and he learns to be good at ballroom dancing because I love it. This has been one of our most successful compromises to date.

Relationships take work. There's nothing wrong with that.

midgetthemighty

It wouldn't be in the one sentence I would write about our relationship, and I also consider us to be very lucky. We see eye to eye a vast majority of the time and even when we do become upset with each other, we can't stay mad for very long at all. We're calm quickly and able to rationally dicuss whatever the problem was and come to an agreement of some kind.

There have been and will be times where we have to work at something and that is fine. It's part of a healthy relationship, it just shouldn't be the first thing you think of IMO. Two different people living a life together is bound have speed bumps and pot holes in it. You just have to work though them.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wrote-only-one-sentence-relationship-fiance-would-sentence-contain-word-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:424579a5-2431-49dc-b8bb-78e0ff3f6698Post:edec67a4-e325-4121-b51e-e567194baa3a">Re: If you wrote only one sentence about your relationship with your fiancé(e), would that sentence contain the word "work"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think I would put "work" into a one sentence summary of our relationship, because in one sentence I would want to get to the essence of why we work, to wit:<strong> "Charlie makes up stories about little white goats to tell me because he knows I love them."</strong> And then I think you get the gist of us. However, I don't think there's anything at all wrong with saying that relationships take work. No two people are 100% compatible in all things and will remain that way forever, so being in a long-term relationship with someone is a constant series of compromises and constantly involves choosing to continue that relationship. For instance, we do not currently have matching philosophies on how cluttered/uncluttered the house should be, and we need to work on that. We have recently worked out a compromise whereby I learn to be good at rock climbing because he loves it, and he learns to be good at ballroom dancing because I love it. This has been one of our most successful compromises to date. Relationships take work. There's nothing wrong with that.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

That is probably the most adorable thing I've ever heard.  Charlie gets the FI Win of the Day.

Steph0871

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wrote-only-one-sentence-relationship-fiance-would-sentence-contain-word-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:424579a5-2431-49dc-b8bb-78e0ff3f6698Post:60bcb1df-b5ee-4483-9131-25eb4b2b6db0">Re: If you wrote only one sentence about your relationship with your fiancé(e), would that sentence contain the word "work"?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>OP, are you gathering information for a book? You set up polls everywhere.</strong> Anyway, I chose "no". We've had ups and downs, sure. But there's much more to our relationship than that. If I only had a sentence, work would not be involved.
Posted by LessThanZero[/QUOTE]

<div>I kind of wondered this too.</div><div>
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missy68

Work as in a chore? No.

Work as in keeping our relationship happy, keep communication open, learning more about each other, and continuing to grow as a couple, yes. We find out new things about each other all the time. He shared something about the period of time right before his mom died on Sunday, and it was something we could share, because I'd experienced it with my grandfather, and was hearing it about my grandmother. I'm helping him be more free and open with his affection in public, he's helping me be more active and adventurous.

To me, working with your relationship or anything like that is improving it. I don't think it's a negative thing, unless you're feeling like I have to work to continue to love this person.

LessThanZero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wrote-only-one-sentence-relationship-fiance-would-sentence-contain-word-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:424579a5-2431-49dc-b8bb-78e0ff3f6698Post:50f92cc5-22fa-4bc9-a5fc-23f952a6bdc5">Re: If you wrote only one sentence about your relationship with your fiancé(e), would that sentence contain the word "work"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: If you wrote only one sentence about your relationship with your fiancé(e), would that sentence contain the word "work"? : I kind of wondered this too.
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

I better be in the index of the book. Or have a special dedication like, <em>this is for lessthanzero, the bitch-bride who guessed I was writing this book. </em>

jasmineh7777

Has anyone else had a song playing while watching Nebb's sig?
 It's pretty amusing.

That's all I have to contribute here.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I agree with Sesh. Our relationship has been remarkably easy, even as we each have packed schedules. Yet I'm always cognizant of the fact that we need to be on the look out for issues that we can nip in the bud so they don't explode into big problems later, if that makes sense. Things as simple as communicating to my husband that I prefer the shower be cleaned in x way when he does it, even though I'm thankful he does it in turn, so that I don't resent the fact that it's not clean the way I want and then get angry about it later. For example. I also agree with numbers that being with H makes me want to work on being the best spouse I can be.

Is that the defining part of our relationship? Of course not. But I do agree that all relationships take "work" in a way.

anna.oskar

My sentence would include the words:

cake
sexual
Sons of Anarchy
cold feet

I leave the rest of the sentence up to you.

kimheartsscott

Karen, you are so fucking weird.

kpwedkk

Actually yes... but up until a couple weeks ago, it's not my problem anymore.  Ex has a lot of problems, and it's not mine to solve any longer!

Ghoti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_wrote-only-one-sentence-relationship-fiance-would-sentence-contain-word-work?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:424579a5-2431-49dc-b8bb-78e0ff3f6698Post:4831a5ff-a6cf-4306-a8c9-65b2dbabf515">Re: If you wrote only one sentence about your relationship with your fiancé(e), would that sentence contain the word "work"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think all relationships require work to some extent, even if it's something as simple as making sure you adjust your schedules to allow some quality time together. It's when that one sentence about your relationship contains the word that you have a problem, if that's the only way you can describe it. But, I also think "work" has a negative connotation that it doesn't always deserve. Nothing wrong with working to improve communication, financial situations, settle arguments, build stronger relationships, etc. If you have to work hard just to be in the same room as the person, then there are issues. I think that all made more sense in my head.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE] <div>You stated this well, I completely agree. I work on all my relationships, with my family, friends, and Fi, because there is always room for improvement in some manner or another! :)
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