Does the Bride have any input regarding who's invited to Bridal Shower and Bach Party?

lnelson1128

I was wondering if a bride has any say-so over the Bridal Shower and/or Bachelorette Party guest list.  From reading other posts, I realize that since both parties are thrown "in honor" or "for" the bride, that it's impolite for the bride to demand certain things for the parties.  However, I didn't know if that extends to the guest list. 

Although I'm not getting married for a long time, my friend has already started talking about throwing me both of these parties.  I'm seriously appreciative of her, however she's talking about inviting her current girlfriend that I don't really want there.  She's not a person that I'm close with or would even consider a friend.  She can be quite abrasive and rude. She'll be invited to the wedding, if my friend and her are still together at that point, but I feel like my Bachelorette Party should be MY close friends. 

Anyway, I'm not really all worked up about it right now, as this really won't be a genuine issue for quite awhile.  I was just curious about how to handle it if it was some time soon.

LoveMuffins

You do have input, in fact whoever's throwing you the showers normally asks the bride for the guest list (as I understand it) and the bride only invites people who are also invited to the wedding; however, considering that these two are a social unit and it's a bachlorette party... I'm not sure that you can reasonably ask to exclude her. That's an area of etiquette that gets a little dicey.

In my opinion, it would depend on the type of bachlorette party that you have. If you're having a big bar crawl where all the girls your age who are invited to the party... then you have to invite her.

If you're doing a smaller more intimate bar crawl with just your wedding party, or you're skipping the bar crawl and having some kind of intimate girls night with just your closest girlfriends... then I think you'd be ok expressing to your friend that you'd prefer it be just your close friends invited.

As far as I'm concerned, the bride IS allowed to express her preferences, or ask NOT to have certain things. Not wanting a stripper, not wanting a bar crawl, and not wanting a big party but wanting an intimate gathering all qualify.

But if you're looking for a big wild night... chances are you aren't even going to notice that one person is there that you're lukewarm about.

lnelson1128

Thanks, that was really helpful.  I'm the type of person that wants to keep things small.  However, even if my friend invites her girlfriend, I'm sure I won't be paying attention to her anyway.  I was just annoyed when my friend went through the guest list and included her Significant Other but no one else's.  I think if I was really good friends with her girlfriend, it would be fine, but I'm not and I think it's rude for my friend to make assumptions.

MairePoppy

If this friend is hosting the party, it would seem rude to ask her not to include her girlfriend. You're not always going to like your friends' partners, but you just accept them for the sake of the friendships.
Your wedding is almost two years away, so with any luck, the situation will resolve itself.

lilcassers

When people say you don't have input, I think that is crazy. The party is supposed to be about you!

Kate61487

I agree with what LoveMuffins said.  This particular situation is kind of complicated (to me at least) because no one elses SO will be there, so why should hers?  I realize it's a little different because her SO is also a girl, but still.... would you be inviting the Best Mans GF if you weren't close to her?  just because it's a girl dating someone invited to the wedding doesn't mean they should be at your parties, obviously they're invited to the wedding because they're a social unit, but I don't think that has to extend to pre-wedding parties.  Don't mind me, just thinking through this outloud.

Anyway, back to the point: Yes, you get input. No, you may not be able to prevent her from being invited anyway.  If it's still a problem when the time comes it couldn't hurt to tactfully tell your friend you don't feel very close to her GF and you'd rather the party only be your good friends.  Good luck!