Don't want to be rude

KD+AR

So my FH and I just set our date. We can't decide if we want to register somewhere or jsut have a basket for cards and money! I think it would be better to do both, where some people feel giving money isn't personal or thoughtful. How do we decide or would it be good to do both? And how do we announce where we have registered (or not) without seeming rude or expectant? Please help with my wedding ettiquet! 

HobokensFury

If you are having a bridal shower you need to register.

Avion22

You don't get to decide what people give you (or if they get you anything at all). You can have a gift basket for cards/money, but some people will still want to give you physical gifts. If you don't register, then you'll end up with whatever they want to give you, and you may or may not be able to return or exchange it. My advice would be to have at least a small registry of things you want for your home. Feel free to register for nicer versions or upgrades to things you already have (you can donate the old items later if you want). This way people who want to get you a physical gift will know what you want, and some people will see a small registry and take the hint that you might prefer cash. If you have a really small registry because you prefer cash, then it's best to decline showers...those are for physical gifts, not money.

AdeleDazeem

Yeaaah... you don't tell your guests what you'd like them to give you.  That's not how gifts work.

People know that money is always appreciated so if they want to or usually give money, then they will without any prompting from you.  The rest of your guests will say to themselves "I wonder if they have a registry?"  If you do, some will buy you a gift and some will look, see nothing they like, and then give you cash.  If you don't, those who want to give a physical gift will pick something random and the rest will give cash.

The trend in this whole thing is - it's up the GUEST.  You say nothing.  You decide to make a registry or you don't and that is where your decision making ends.  Whatever happens after that is not up to you and should not be dictated by you in any fashion.

For what's it's worth, my husband and I made a very small registry (~ 20 things).  I'd say 80% of our guests gave money and the rest brought a gift.  It worked perfectly. 

Tabbie11

I started a small registry and will probably add to it a little, because as much as cash is nice a lot of people like to give a physical gift and as PP said for shower purposes people will only bring gifts. SO you may as well register so you get practical things and dont spend your first week of married life returning duplicates.

I put the registry info on our wedding website and our wedding website on the save the dates. People will ask too.

Peledreamsofrain

Definitely make a small registry.  Some people don't believe in cash gifts, and if you don't give them items to buy for you, they WILL come up with stuff on their own.  So unless you want 10 toasters, just open a registry.

Life will be easier for everyone involved

KD+AR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_dont-want-to-be-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:6e2183e8-2962-4381-bdc3-f589129a58b5Post:adc7b9f0-b639-4f3a-8f8d-3c07df1bd74a">Re: Don't want to be rude</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeaaah... you don't tell your guests what you'd like them to give you.  That's not how gifts work. People know that money is always appreciated so if they want to or usually give money, then they will without any prompting from you.  The rest of your guests will say to themselves "I wonder if they have a registry?"  If you do, some will buy you a gift and some will look, see nothing they like, and then give you cash.  If you don't, those who want to give a physical gift will pick something random and the rest will give cash. The trend in this whole thing is - it's up the GUEST.  You say nothing.  You decide to make a registry or you don't and that is where your decision making ends.  Whatever happens after that is not up to you and should not be dictated by you in any fashion. For what's it's worth, my husband and I made a very small registry (~ 20 things).  I'd say 80% of our guests gave money and the rest brought a gift.  It worked perfectly. 
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yeah I think a lot of people are reading this wrong... my question was more not tell them what to get us, but how would people know where we register? Thats what I was aiming at. Most of my questions on here are really misunderstood and are taken as rude or "witchy" Sorry to everyone!</div>

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_dont-want-to-be-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:6e2183e8-2962-4381-bdc3-f589129a58b5Post:32d50558-fdb4-4415-acb7-353e8c0d12a6">Re: Don't want to be rude</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Don't want to be rude : Yeah I think a lot of people are reading this wrong... my question was more not tell them what to get us, but how would people know where we register? Thats what I was aiming at. Most of my questions on here are really misunderstood and are taken as rude or "witchy" Sorry to everyone!
Posted by KD+AR[/QUOTE]

Finding out where people are registered is crazy easy these days.  Just a quick google of the name will turn it up.  There are also the regular haunts that people register at (BBB, Target, Macys, etc) so it's easy to hop on there and look up your names.  Failing that, people will call/email or ask.  That's what they used to before computers.

The only place it is acceptable to put registry info is on your *shower* invitation or your wedding website.  Definitely NOT with the wedding invitation.

I promise - people will figure out where you registered.  Don't offer up the info unless people ask.

shayna25

i would do both just in case.  it can be fun to go buy gifts and some people will probably want to.  You can just make a small registry somewhere, if you don't want to keep some of the gifts you can always return or exchange them.  Plus, if you don't make a registy, people might just go to buy you a gift and have to guess at what you might like.

As far as getting the info out there, we have a registry section on our wedding website and also included it on a "details" insert card in our invitations.

kaos16

Also, you can tell your parents and/or bridal party where you have registered. . . . most guests who want to know will go to them first.    The wedding website, if you have one, is also a fine place to list your registry information.