We don't need gifts....what do we do?

missteacherlady

Reading these boards has been helpful, but I still feel a little confused about what is proper.  We are 35 years old.  Both of us have stuff couples normally register, so we actually have two of everything.  I have read here that it is not proper to say no gifts, it is not proper to ask for charitable donations, etc.  We had decided simply to not register and not say anything about gifts.  However, everyone keeps asking us, and our parents, where we are registered.  Should we register anyway?  It seems greedy.  I really wanted to register charitable donations, but I am scared to now after reading that many people view it the same as asking for cash, which I woudl never do.  I have read some suggestions that say to give your gifts, cash or otherwise, to charities, but I think that is kind of rude as well...what have other people done in this same situation?  I am still leaning towards no registry at all and simply saying having you as our guest is present enough, and anything else, if you so choose, is greatly appreciated, when people ask.  Is that OK?  Or will that offend people too?    I am trying to do the proper thing and I need help!  Please and thank you

GoodLuckBear14

Do a small registry of upgrades.  DH and I also combined two households and Goodwill Stores got some incredibly nice donations.  We still managed to put together an upgrade registry.  Our guests knew that we already had everything so most gave us cash.  I also did not have any showers except a surprise one at work.

gundy21

We were 37 and 38 when we got married.  We did upgrades - new bedding (we had just bought a king size bed as out wedding gift to each other), towels, better knives, some fun entertaining pieces, etc.  On our wedding website registry info page (and only on there), we included a link to a charity both of us care about and a short paragraph about why.  We had a 3 people make donations in our name.  We also decided to donate 10% of the money we received to that charity.

missteacherlady

OK thanks.  Maybe we will go ahead and do the small registry, if that is appropriate.

kikirst33

I am in a similar boat as you - I am 42 and FI is 43 - and we did NOT register for any gifts.  We did put on our wedding website that we had more than we needed and if our guests wanted to give gifts that a gift to a charity to help those less fortunate is great.

We've given away a full household of items to Salvation Army - why would we need or want to register for more?  I think that it is bull to think that saying you support a gift to a charity is asking for cash and I think it is rediculous to say that you should register for gifts just because it is expected.  I may be slammed (again) for my opinion but I say why register for gifts when you really don't need them?  It's silly and rediculous.

The guests that have asked me about registration have been surpised but very supportive of our decision to suggest (and note the emphasis on suggest) a donation to charity.   Guest are suprised but very supportive.  If you feel your family and friends would understand then I think it is perfectly fine.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_we-dont-need-giftswhat-do-we-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9f612057-2350-41bf-a17e-c4fac33a4a34Post:72c2e567-d86c-45c6-a739-9d1637363935">Re: We don't need gifts....what do we do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am in a similar boat as you - I am 42 and FI is 43 - and we did NOT register for any gifts.  We did put on our wedding website that we had more than we needed and if our guests wanted to give gifts that a gift to a charity to help those less fortunate is great. We've given away a full household of items to Salvation Army - why would we need or want to register for more?  I think that it is bull to think that saying you support a gift to a charity is asking for cash and I think it is rediculous to say that you should register for gifts just because it is expected.  I may be slammed (again) for my opinion but I say why register for gifts when you really don't need them?  It's silly and rediculous. The guests that have asked me about registration have been surpised but very supportive of our decision to suggest (and note the emphasis on suggest) a donation to charity.   Guest are suprised but very supportive.  If you feel your family and friends would understand then I think it is perfectly fine.
Posted by kikirst33[/QUOTE]

You are still asking people for cash with this plan.  The only time a charity registry is acceptable is if you are marrying the second in line to the British throne and you don't want 10,000 tea cozies sent to you as a gift like your late MIL dealt with.  If you don't want to set up a registry then don't.  It is not required.

Simply Fated

You can always set up a small registry of upgrades or not register at all. It's up to you. I agree that registering for charities and donations is inappropriate for a wedding. You can always take what ever money you receive and donate that, if you are determined to involve charity. If you don't need anything, you don't need anything. Setting up a charity donation isn't the way to solve that problem, because it's still asking for something you don't need.

kikirst33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_we-dont-need-giftswhat-do-we-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9f612057-2350-41bf-a17e-c4fac33a4a34Post:6a52308d-f866-4ca0-bd59-bed1d1fb4018">Re: We don't need gifts....what do we do?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We don't need gifts....what do we do? : You are still asking people for cash with this plan.  The only time a charity registry is acceptable is if you are marrying the second in line to the British throne and you don't want 10,000 tea cozies sent to you as a gift like your late MIL dealt with.  If you don't want to set up a registry then don't.  It is not required.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Isn't registering for gifts pretty much asking guests to give you "money"? I am not asking or suggesting our guests to donate.  I did use the word "suggest" in my earlier post, I should have been clear that what we have stated on our wedding website is:

"<span style="font-size:12px;"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Because we are combining two households we have more than we need.  Instead of purchasing gifts for us please consider giving to those less fortunate."</span></span>

We can agree to disagree.  In my opinion for us to register for gifts is silly.  We have no need to have anything "upgraded" - hence no need for a registry for gifts that we don't need.  There is nothing wrong with noting that you do not need gifts and asking guest to consider giving to a charity.  Why you seem to think that only royalty can note this is ridiculous. 

We are lucky enough to be in a good financial situation.  Our website states that we don't need anything - we are clearly not asking for money and idd not set up any specific gifting for charities. 

Gift registrations for weddings is something that has been brought to our culture recently in history.  Historically weddings are celebrations for the family and community - not an opportunity for gifting. 

While we certainly disagree on this I will again state that there is nothing wrong with noting that you do not need gifts and not registering.  The idea that you "have to" register is based on social pressure AND from the stores and websites (just like this one) that depend on advertising from retail companies. 

GoodLuckBear14

Gift registries came about so that guests did not buy duplicate gifts for the B&G.  It was set up as a service to help them.  If the charities mean that much to you, set aside a set amount that you will donate from cash gifts that are received.  If people keep asking about where you are registered, all you or your families have to do is say, "You  know, they are lucky to be in the position that they are in that they don't need anything so they have chosen not to register."

Leenie10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_we-dont-need-giftswhat-do-we-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9f612057-2350-41bf-a17e-c4fac33a4a34Post:72c2e567-d86c-45c6-a739-9d1637363935">Re: We don't need gifts....what do we do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am in a similar boat as you - I am 42 and FI is 43 - and we did NOT register for any gifts.  We did put on our wedding website that we had more than we needed and if our guests wanted to give gifts that a gift to a charity to help those less fortunate is great. We've given away a full household of items to Salvation Army - why would we need or want to register for more?  I think that it is bull to think that saying you support a gift to a charity is asking for cash and I think it is rediculous to say that you should register for gifts just because it is expected.  I may be slammed (again) for my opinion but I say why register for gifts when you really don't need them?  It's silly and rediculous. The guests that have asked me about registration have been surpised but very supportive of our decision to suggest (and note the emphasis on suggest) a donation to charity.   Guest are suprised but very supportive.  If you feel your family and friends would understand then I think it is perfectly fine.
Posted by kikirst33[/QUOTE]

Great idea. Agree that there was no point in registering since you did not want or need more "stuff". Sure a small number of guests clinging to tradition probably will still insist on boxing something up to give you but ~ those gifts will probably go to the Salvation Army as well, immediately after the honeymoon.

leagri2813

what about doing a honeymoon registry?!?!? It's a great way for people to give you something that you really want! It's better than asking for money or a donation. Every registry is different and some resorts already have a way for you to set it up right through them. good luck

KellyRenee1979

I think it's fine to do an "upgrade" registry.  Sheets and towels are staples that you will always need.  Another thing to keep in mind is that if you do need/want anything, you get discounts on registry completion for anything that you would still like to purchase for yourself after the wedding (3 months-1 year after, depending on the store).

People will always buy gifts.  Even when you ask them not to (like my mom did), they still got a few crystal vases & picture frames.

If you REALLY don't want gifts, see below.

I was 22 when my mom remarried and they each were married before with 2 kids.  Obviously have everything they need.

They added a note on the inviation somewhere (and you could put it on a website too) saying, "Your presence is your present to us -- No gifts please".  As I said, some people still bought gifts and some gave cash.