MOH is MIA

michellendanny10

My wedding is in exactly 4 months, and my MOH is MIA! She'd been my best friend for 6 years almost, and as soon as I told her i was engaged she cut me off. I asked her to be my MOH and she was excited but then, after a few weeks disappeared. my fiance and i have both tried contacting her and she won't respond. She has been married for almost 5 years and has 2 kids that i absolutely adore, i love my best friend and it hurts that she's ignring me, but i need to now if i should replace her. what should i do? 

[Deleted User]

Do you live near her? You could always stop by. You never know what might be going on on her end, family issues, work problems, etc. It sounds like you've got yourself a sucky MOH, but I wouldn't be too quick to judge.

But if you absolutely can't get in touch with her and she refuses to call you back, then I see no problem replacing her. After all, you shouldn't have to go without a MOH because someone else is being elusive.

AutumnFair

I'm only going agree with a little bit of what sesha said. You don't know what's going on in her life, if she has 2 kids, that says a whole lot right there. I think one of big relationship changers is kids, they take a lot of time and if she works or anything on top of that than I can see her day being quite full.

If you live local go visit her, if not call just to see if she is OK (do NOT talk about wedding stuff). She is first and more importantly your friend. Please DO NOT replace her. It completely fine not having a MOH, if you do this I can make a safe bet your friend will be really hurt and possibly end your friendship. I don't know how she could be a sucky MOH because as long as she has her dress and ready to stand up for you she has completed the requirements. I'm going to use the classic knottie response of some people aren't that into weddings, no one is going to be as excited as you are when it comes to your wedding. Keep trying to contact her and just see how she's been doing, even I go awhile without calling my friends because I just get to busy with my work.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:068444b8-91fb-4043-96fd-a04599e78dabPost:f982ce1b-c44e-41d3-a382-6cbf4a3c76d8">Re: MOH is MIA</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm only going agree with a little bit of what sesha said. You don't know what's going on in her life, if she has 2 kids, that says a whole lot right there. I think one of big relationship changers is kids, they take a lot of time and if she works or anything on top of that than I can see her day being quite full. If you live local go visit her, if not call just to see if she is OK (do NOT talk about wedding stuff). She is first and more importantly your friend. Please DO NOT replace her.  It completely fine not having a MOH , if you do this I can make a safe bet your friend will be really hurt and possibly end your friendship. I don't know how she could be a sucky MOH because as long as she has her dress and ready to stand up for you she has completed the requirements. I'm going to use the classic knottie response of some people aren't that into weddings, no one is going to be as excited as you are when it comes to your wedding. Keep trying to contact her and just see how she's been doing, even I go awhile without calling my friends because I just get to busy with my work.
Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

I understand the whole not replacing a MOH or BM thing, and I would say the same thing if it were just someone giving the bride a hard time or whatever. However, I also feel that a MOH is someone's best friend, sister, basically someone the bride feels really close to. Having that title is a representation of that relationship. While I don't think the wedding party should ever have any 'duties' other than showing up to the wedding, I also feel that if the person isn't doing their part to maintain the friendship then the title should go to someone else.

But that is assuming the girl is just being rude and not returning any calls. If something else is going on, like family issues, then I take it back. But if she's just ignoring the OP and doesn't give a damn about the wedding, then why the hell should she be MOH?

bablingbrooke

Your wedding is not a time of need in which you need support.  Your time of need is something like losing your job, getting a divorce, losing a family member, or a miscarriage.  Your wedding is a happy occasion in which you would like people to share and to pay you attention.  

Honestly, if she has her own life going on, she's probably thinking "She's got 4 whole months to go, this is her wedding to plan, I have my own life, I'm so excited for her but I just can't be a planner."  She is not required to.  And think of what this will say about your friendship: You didn't help me plan my wedding so I'm cutting you out!  That's how it comes across. Don't be "that" bride.

duckie1905

ditto brooke

SarahPLiz

I think I would be way more concerned about my friend than my MOH, if you know what I mean. If she is cutting off contact, you should be more worried about what is going on with her than if you have one less person at your wedding.

trix1223

Read what brooke said.  Then read it again.  Because she's 100% right.

stina93446

Why would you automatically replace her?! She has done nothing wrong. Maybe she is busy with her own life? Have you tried emailing her or calling her house and leaving a message? Your wedding is 4 months away.

michellendanny10

OK  let me add a few details before you all hang me from a tree and set me on fire. In this period of 6 years, this is the 3rd time she has quit talking to me. Each time, was because I didn't ask her permission before doing something important, no joke, those were her exact words. The last time i did speak to her, all we did was talk about her and her babies. SO, like you said, and i said earlier, it hurts most that my bff since i was in high school is not talking to me. I want to be there for her if she is going through something, but i cant be there if she doesnt allow me to be. AND i have gone to her house AND her job... she is never there.

[Deleted User]

Well, what did you do without asking permission? Was it something stupid, like getting your hair cut, or something serious, like dating the guy she really liked?

She doesn't sound like a great friend to begin with so I'm not sure why you asked her to be your MOH. Regardless, I'm of the mindset that someone who doesn't care enough to return a phone call after a certain time period doesn't care enough to be in the wedding.

That's assuming nothing horrible has happened, like her kid died or something, but that she's just being a crappy friend.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:068444b8-91fb-4043-96fd-a04599e78dabPost:f6f4c450-43fc-4601-af94-fb62dce3af79">Re: MOH is MIA</a>:
[QUOTE]OK  let me add a few details before you all hang me from a tree and set me on fire. In this period of 6 years, this is the 3rd time she has quit talking to me. Each time, was because I didn't ask her permission before doing something important, no joke, those were her exact words. The last time i did speak to her, all we did was talk about her and her babies. SO, like you said, and i said earlier, it hurts most that my bff since i was in high school is not talking to me. I want to be there for her if she is going through something, but i cant be there if she doesnt allow me to be. AND i have gone to her house AND her job... she is never there.
Posted by michellendanny10[/QUOTE]

<div>I say again: You have 4 months to go until your wedding.  Her life is her main concern, just like your life is your main concern.  If I had babies, frankly I wouldn't be interested in talking centerpieces either.</div><div>
</div><div>Your POV: I ONLY have four months until my wedding, why is she MIA?</div><div>
</div><div>Her POV: She's got four WHOLE months until her wedding, why is she hassling me?  </div><div>
</div><div>If you're going to her house and job to find her, that's stalking.  Accept that she's busy, accept that hounding someone is a terrible way to get them to want to talk to you, give her some space, and see what happens when you get close to the wedding.  But if someone was calling me this much, going to my place of business and home to find me, and I suspected that it was for her wedding (even if it really isn't, that's how she might be interpreting it), I might go into hiding too.</div>