Can't take future MIL

leamide

My future Mother in law is driving my crazy! She is a very demanding person and gets very irrate and mad on a regular basis. I have talked to my fiance and told him, that I just can't handle her and her out burst and would perfer not to be around her much. When I am around her, I just keep things simple with her. She is always being up our wedding and has literally begged me to put our announcement in the newspaper, I hadn't planned on putting it in the paper just because I'm kind of a private person.
She has asked me to help her out a few different times with different things and I try, but there are times when I can't and she becomes upset. She has even goes around telling everyone that her son "has it made" because I own a house (still making payments thou) and have a good job. I get so sick of hearing this it is making me crazy. The last time I heard her make the statement, I did tell her "I guess I'm the unfortanate one who has a lot of "training" to do on her son because of how she just babies him so much.
I need advice on how to handle this woman! I don't want to feel constantly threatened by her, nor do I want to make it a difficult situation for my fiance between the three of us, but I have bitten my tongue just about as much as I can and I feel it will just get worse the closer to our wedding it gets.

covejack

Avoid sharing wedding plans with her.  Don't accept money gifts from her for the wedding, or there may be strings attached.  Just paractice your smiling and nodding technique.  Become an expert at changing the subject.

For the tough stuff, leave it to FI to deal with his mother.  He has a lifetime of practice, and you don't want to be stuck as the "bad guy".

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cant-future-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0b72c98e-dae8-41fe-aadc-7fd8c31c8a85Post:52c38282-522e-4e21-ac1f-6cbd1a665c4c">Can't take future MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]My future Mother in law is driving my crazy! She is a very demanding person and gets very irrate and mad on a regular basis. I have talked to my fiance and told him, that I just can't handle her and her out burst and would perfer not to be around her much. When I am around her, I just keep things simple with her. She is always being up our wedding and has literally begged me to put our announcement in the newspaper, I hadn't planned on putting it in the paper just because I'm kind of a private person. She has asked me to help her out a few different times with different things and I try, but there are times when I can't and she becomes upset. She has even goes around telling everyone that her son "has it made" because I own a house (still making payments thou) and have a good job. I get so sick of hearing this it is making me crazy. The last time I heard her make the statement, I did tell her<strong> "I guess I'm the unfortanate one who has a lot of "training" to do on her son because of how she just babies him so much. </strong>I need advice on how to handle this woman! I don't want to feel constantly threatened by her, nor do I want to make it a difficult situation for my fiance between the three of us, but I have bitten my tongue just about as much as I can and I feel it will just get worse the closer to our wedding it gets.
Posted by leamide[/QUOTE]

Yikes! Did you actually<strong> say</strong> this to your fmil? I realize that your fmil is overbearing, but that remark was insulting to both her and your fi.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cant-future-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0b72c98e-dae8-41fe-aadc-7fd8c31c8a85Post:52c38282-522e-4e21-ac1f-6cbd1a665c4c">Can't take future MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]My future Mother in law is driving my crazy! She is a very demanding person and gets very irrate and mad on a regular basis. I have talked to my fiance and told him, that I just can't handle her and her out burst and would perfer not to be around her much. When I am around her, I just keep things simple with her. She is always being up our wedding and has literally begged me to put our announcement in the newspaper, I hadn't planned on putting it in the paper just because I'm kind of a private person. She has asked me to help her out a few different times with different things and I try, but there are times when I can't and she becomes upset. She has even goes around telling everyone that her son "has it made" because I own a house (still making payments thou) and have a good job. I get so sick of hearing this it is making me crazy. The last time I heard her make the statement,<strong> I did tell her "I guess I'm the unfortanate one who has a lot of "training" to do on her son because of how she just babies him so much. I</strong> need advice on how to handle this woman! I don't want to feel constantly threatened by her,<strong> nor do I want to make it a difficult situation for my fiance between the three of us,</strong> but I have bitten my tongue just about as much as I can and I feel it will just get worse the closer to our wedding it gets.
Posted by leamide[/QUOTE]

So your FI is a momma's boy? He's the one who should be reigning her in, not you.

vicki0508

FI needs to tell her to knock it off, and you shouldn't make snide passive aggressive comments to her.

ElisabethJoanne

One thing that's working with me so far for my future in-laws is expecting the best. Because I go into all meetings thinking, "We are polite adults and will spend a pleasant afternoon together," that tends to happen. If anything goes wrong, I ignore it and come back to my plan for a pleasant afternoon.

Maggie0829

Just remember that she is not your mother, she is your FI mother.  He should be speaking with her about any concerns.

In-laws are tough to deal with, especially through the wedding planning process.  Just take a deep breath and try to ignore her snide remarks.  Since FI is a momma's boy then she is probably just upset that she is "losing her little boy"

I also agree with PP...since you know how she is do not except anything (help, money, etc) from her because it will most likely come with strings attached.

sparent2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cant-future-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:0b72c98e-dae8-41fe-aadc-7fd8c31c8a85Post:9f4adbd6-2332-4435-9c10-919e7a9aaf86">Re: Can't take future MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]FI needs to tell her to knock it off, and you shouldn't make snide passive aggressive comments to her.
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

Seriously. Also remember 'this women' is going to become part of your family for hte rest of your lives. You should still show respect to your FMIL sure they can be overbearing and needy or whatever, but since you are an adult you should be able to make an effort to be friends.

At first I didn't get along with my FMIL, but after making efforts and helping her out when I could (eg she cannot drive so I have picked her up and taken her shopping) our relationship is better. Does it annoy me when she comes over and tries to help by cleaning the house, yes. So I asked FI to talk with her about it and she leaves our place alone.

doeie04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cant-future-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0b72c98e-dae8-41fe-aadc-7fd8c31c8a85Post:52c38282-522e-4e21-ac1f-6cbd1a665c4c">Can't take future MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]My future Mother in law is driving my crazy! She is a very demanding person and gets very irrate and mad on a regular basis. I have talked to my fiance and told him, that I just can't handle her and her out burst and would perfer not to be around her much. When I am around her, I just keep things simple with her. She is always being up our wedding and has literally begged me to put our announcement in the newspaper, I hadn't planned on putting it in the paper just because I'm kind of a private person. She has asked me to help her out a few different times with different things and I try, but there are times when I can't and she becomes upset.<strong> She has even goes around telling everyone that her son "has it made" because I own a house</strong> (still making payments thou) <strong>and have a good job</strong>. I get so sick of hearing this it is making me crazy. The last time I heard her make the statement, I did tell her "I guess I'm the unfortanate one who has a lot of "training" to do on her son because of how she just babies him so much. I need advice on how to handle this woman! I don't want to feel constantly threatened by her, nor do I want to make it a difficult situation for my fiance between the three of us, but I have bitten my tongue just about as much as I can and I feel it will just get worse the closer to our wedding it gets.
Posted by leamide[/QUOTE]

It sounds like she was bragging about you. In a good way. I don't know why you thought it was negative.....