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Moms and Maids

MOH & Bridesmaid issues - 1 spot, 2 friends, 1 not happy

This will be both of our second marriages so we planned to only have a Best Man & MOH at a destination that is turning into 100 people.  We thought keeping the ceremony simple would be best.  He wants only a Best Man so he does not have to choose between son, brothers, etc.

I have no siblings, lots of friends.  My oldest friend is my best choice MOH.  All my friends promise to be there.  My drama queen friend can;t believe I did not ask her (she told me months ago she may not have the money to be at my wedding but she forgets this).  Now she wants at least some sort of role.  Giving her attention is extremely important to her & to my sanity. 

Is there a way to say "my MOH is ....." and "other friends who have ...... have been a "huge .......??? help in our planning & helping attend at our wedding"?  I could then add my fiance's kids in some sort of same introduction & role so that they all feel important, know that others know they are important & somehow pre-introduce their importance - like on our wedding site?

Anyway, wordy - but since we don't want a bunch of attendants, is there a way to make them feel a viable part of the wedding party somehow on our wedding site under the "wedding party" tab?  Thanks!

Re: MOH & Bridesmaid issues - 1 spot, 2 friends, 1 not happy

  • Maybe you could have your friends escort family to there seats at ceremony...and depending on how old his kids are, maybe have them stand at the door of ceremony and pass out programs or anything you guys are doing there??? Thats all I got!
  • I don't think you should add her in as anything or give her a special mention just because she's pushing the issue. That's not a very good friend.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    If you want to honor her with a special role, ask her to do a reading at your ceremony. Otherwise, let her know that you hope she will attend as a guest. You shouldn't cater to her silly attitude by offering made up titles or running credits on your wedding website.

    You could recognize Fi's children the same way you would recognize parents. Buy them corsages/bouts and seat them in the front row for the ceremony.
                       
  • Ditto Maire.  She is a drama queen like this because people allow it.  She knows she can throw a fit and her target will feel guilty and give her her way.  IF you want her to take part, take Maire's suggestion of asking her to do a reading.  Do NOT make her a BM or MOH.  

    If you ask her to be a reader will this cause more drama as she whines about being a part of the wedding and not MOH?  Being asked to read is a great honor.  So is being an invited guest. YOU decide what her role in your wedding will be and she can either accept or decine.  

    To be perfectly honest I would not give her the extra drama queen attention on your website - I would treat her like any other guest.  I hate drama.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Do not feed the drama llama!!!

  • In Response to Re: MOH & Bridesmaid issues - 1 spot, 2 friends, 1 not happy:
    Thank You for for your response to my question !  Thank you, thank you, thank you!
    [QUOTE]GUEST is also an honor.  She needs to accept that, grow up and get over herself.  You've got too much to do. Tell your friend the truth - that you decided to keep the wedding party small, because you had too many friends and family to pick and choose from among.   Then stop discussing it with her. She's being rude by demanding to be in the the wedding party in the first place.  Don't enable  her demands and give her something else to do. Refuse to discuss it anymore with  her.  Employ what we of The Knot call "bean dipping."  This is also known as the art of changing the subject and refusing to discuss something with obnoxious people. Her:  pout pout pout  I can't believe I'm not your MOH. You:  Have you tried this bean dip? Her: I am soooo crushed. You:  really, it's luscious. Her:  I may never recover. You:  Want some chips to go with your bean dip? Don't give in and start talking to her.  Keep offering the bean dip regardless of what she says.  Eventually she'll get frustrated and drop it. The best thing about this tactic is that you can continue to use it past the wedding. Good luck!
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
  • In Response to Re: MOH & Bridesmaid issues - 1 spot, 2 friends, 1 not happy:
    Thank you for your response to my post!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!
    [QUOTE]I don't think you should add her in as anything or give her a special mention just because she's pushing the issue. That's not a very good friend.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]
  • Thanks to everyone who responded to my question.  I'm impressed how fast I got some help and advice on this.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!
  • I am a HUGE BeanDipper, and I've also been known as a HUGE RE-DIRECTOR - like this:

    HER:  I can't believe that we've been so close for so long, and now I'm not in the wedding anywhere.
    YOU:  You ARE a friend of mine, Sarah.  But my parents are hosting the wedding...  Hey, do you want to talk to my mom?  You could call her - she's home after 4:30.

    It's been my experience that the RE-DIRECT says clearly that YOU aren't going to change anything - maybe you don't have the power to change it, maybe you just don't want to, whatever - but that you think you are being as helpful as you can by suggesting the name, number, time of person that they can call next.

    Here's the best part:  No one ever follows the RE-DIRECT and calls the next person, so the entire issue fizzles out.
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