Tasting...with opinionated mom

Bex44

So on Saturday, Me and FI had our tasting for the wedding dinner. Originally it was supposed to be just me and him...well once my mom found out, she decided she just "had" to come so that she could have her say. Which also ment that our 2 yr old son had to come with us as my mom was supposed to watch him for us so we could actually enjoy the tasting.
As soon as we all sat down the waitress reminded us that the tasting was only for me and FI as it isnt a full sized portion of everything and my mom said "oh yes, not a problem".....  mhm... well didnt she just pick up a fork the second the first course was laid out on the table.. yup. At one point, my son started getting restless and I told my mom that she would need to maybe take him for a walk so that me and FI could get through the tasting since it's kind of important. "Yeah no problem". 5 minutes later FI had to take him for a walk because my mom decided to completely ignore my request, and continue eating.
She also made a point of criticising almost everything on our menu, especially when I made of point of sharing how much I enjoyed the cream sauce for the chicken. She made it quite clear that we should change the sauce completely even though both of the sauces for the chicken and beef were put on the side (because SHE wanted it that way) because I guess we are supposed to be pleasing every single person attending our wedding.. ugh she is just so darn frustrating sometimes. I prefer planning the wedding with my FMIL over my mom 90% of the time because my mom and me have very different taste which makes all of my ideas and dreams for my wedding day seem "tacky" or "silly"

em01092

Is your mom paying for the wedding, or more specifically the food? That will affect my answer. 

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_great-tastingwith-opinionated-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:bea2c2ab-8b91-421f-a4c0-4853c479538cPost:f9220e45-b11e-4360-827b-0e657ad7a654">Re: Tasting...with opinionated mom</a>:
[QUOTE]Is your mom paying for the wedding, or more specifically the food? That will affect my answer. 
Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

This.  If she is paying for the wedding, especially the food, then yes she should have been included from the get-go.  Food is a big part of the wedding and if I am shelling out money for it you better believe I would want to taste it.

Also, since she wanted to give her input how was she suppose to do that without tasting the food?  And even though she did take a bite or two of the food I don't see the big deal.

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_great-tastingwith-opinionated-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bea2c2ab-8b91-421f-a4c0-4853c479538cPost:6fc75a66-9927-4ee3-9991-eb9b879e8ad8">Tasting...with opinionated mom</a>:
[QUOTE]So on Saturday, Me and FI had our tasting for the wedding dinner. Originally it was supposed to be just me and him...well once my mom found out, she decided she just "had" to come so that she could have her say. Which also ment that our 2 yr old son had to come with us as my mom was supposed to watch him for us so we could actually enjoy the tasting. As soon as we all sat down the waitress reminded us that the tasting was only for me and FI as it isnt a full sized portion of everything and my mom said "oh yes, not a problem".....  mhm... well didnt she just pick up a fork the second the first course was laid out on the table.. yup. At one point, my son started getting restless and I told my mom that she would need to maybe take him for a walk so that me and FI could get through the tasting since it's kind of important. "Yeah no problem". 5 minutes later FI had to take him for a walk because my mom decided to completely ignore my request, and continue eating. She also made a point of criticising almost everything on our menu, especially when I made of point of sharing how much I enjoyed the cream sauce for the chicken. She made it quite clear that we should change the sauce completely even though both of the sauces for the chicken and beef were put on the side (because SHE wanted it that way) b<strong>ecause I guess we are supposed to be pleasing every single person attending our wedding..</strong>  ugh she is just so darn frustrating sometimes. I prefer planning the wedding with my FMIL over my mom 90% of the time because my mom and me have very different taste which makes all of my ideas and dreams for my wedding day seem "tacky" or "silly"
Posted by Bex44[/QUOTE]

If your mom is paying, she should have been invited to the tasting. If you are paying, you can thank her for her opinion and then do whatever you want.

The next time you want to go somewhere, without your son, hire a babysitter. Then you won't have to explain your whereabouts to your mom.

You should actually be trying to please your guests, since the reception is a thank you to them for attending your ceremony.

Annas2013

Having an opinionated mother myself I understand to an extent what you're going through.  If you are paying for the food then get what you like, but that what you think your guests will like too.  Let me also point out that at every large gathering I've ever been too, there has always been at least one person not happy with the food.  It'll happen.  Not your fault.  

Maybe she feels like if she's contributing even a little bit financially, that she can give her opinion on everything.  Or maybe she just feels left out.  Honestly, is there something you can let her help you with or go to with you, that would let her feel like she's contributing or helping?  It's not always the easiest thing to do, but it could help.   

Maggie0829

She may be very opinionated but that doesn't mean that you have to actually listen to her.  If she gives you her opinion or suggests something in regards to your wedding simply say, "Thanks, I will keep that in mind". 

Since you already know how she is then her being this opinionated over your wedding choices shouldn't be that much of a shocker.  By keeping her in the loop you are allowing her to voice her opinion about things.  If you don't want to hear it then don't tell her anything about your plans.

I know that you want that mother/daughter wedding planning experience, but if it is just stressing you out then it really isn't worth it.

mellimel19

If this is how your mom is in general, maybe it would be easiest on you to not try and force this mother/daughter planning experience. Trust me, I sympathize. My mother is VERY opinionated as well, and will literally trample over someone anyone else's opinions. So while I would love to do some of the planning with her, I know for my peace of mind it is wisest to keep things on a need to know basis.

If your mom isn't usually like this, maybe she was just particularly concerned about the food because it is a big part of the reception. Take her opinions into consideration, but since she isn't paying for it, final say goes to you and your FI.

Bex44

Annas2013  I let my mom know almost every detail because I just naturally feel that she should know. It's not like she isn't involved. As much as we argue about my taste vs. hers, I still go shopping for wedding stuff and do DIY projects with her all the time. She's deffinately involved with the wedding. I know its important to have other peoples feedback, and I would have invited her in the first place, but I already knew she didn't like the menu choices me and FI had because when I brought her to a meeting with just me, her and our venue's coordinator, she did the same thing where she had a negative comment about almost every food item on the menue (even though it is all basic food wheres everyone will like atleast one thing)

Thanks Maggie, I think you're right. As much as I want that bonding to happen I can't force thing to change.

mellimel19 Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try to just keep her in the loop with things that I really need her opinion or help with, and try to do my own thing in regards to the little details that me and FI know we want a particular way

mellimel19

Sounds like a good plan. Best of luck to you!

graysquirrel

I think that your best bet is to only share things with her that you don't care as much about or realize that she is going to try to impose her will. I would not even tell her when you have an important vendor appointment any more. Just go and make your decisions and tell her only after you have made a decision. 

lenergyrlah

I don't volunteer any wedding info with my mom at all since she is very controlling and isn't paying for anything.  However if she asks about something that is already finalized I'm happy to fill her in to make her feel included.  She asked if I had bought my dress yet, and I had so I showed her a picture.  If she hated it, too late the dress has already been bought.

I asked her for the addresses of a couple of my cousins; she responded with a huge list of names and addresses of people who she wants invited.  We don't have space for the extra people so they won't get an invite but again, she doesn't have to know that (she doesn't even talk to these people herself).