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FMIL wants FSIL to be bridesmaid... Let's just say I need help.

boderoeboderoe member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Moms and Maids
Ive posted this in the wedding party board but I figured I'd ask the ladies on this board as well. Heres my deilema:
okay... So I recieved a call from my Future Mother in law the other day. And she wants me to ask my Fiance's Sister to be a bridesmaid. Well I never thought to ask her and I've already picked out my bridesmaids and have asked them all...
I wouldn't mind doing if I hadnt already asked my other girls. Were having a fairly small reception about 140 people. I have a MOH and 4 other bridesmaids. My Fiance has already asked his 5 guys as well. so adding one more person will throw it off. 
To add to it. She lives in another country on the other side of the world... And I've met her twice because of the distance. A.K.A Were not close. And she 10 years or more older then me. So If i did ask her it would have to be through Facebook. And I wouldnt see her until the week before the wedding. Therefor how would she get a dress? 
So how should I go about this? DO I ask her? And if I do how do I ask her? What should I say?
Thanks Ladies in advance.
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Re: FMIL wants FSIL to be bridesmaid... Let's just say I need help.

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    4LeafClover34LeafClover3
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with retread. Even sides are not necessary and really are becoming less and less common. People and their feelings are more important than even sides. No one will notice if there are not the same number of people.

    Like PP said, you don't have to ask her but it might be a nice gesture toward your new family... who you will have to deal with the rest of your life. If you do decide to ask her then I would call her. They do likely have telephones on the other side of the world and you aren't limited to calling within your own country. Tell her that you would be honored if she was a bridesmaid. If she accepts then when you pick the bridesmaid dresses you can get her measurements and order it accordingly. Then ship it to her for her to get it altered. Not overly hard.
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    boderoeboderoe member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't have a problem making her a bridesmaid. I just feel wierd just randomly facebook messageing her when I've talked with her at social family gatherings twice. And really it was for a couple of minutes. The only way I have to contact her is via Facebook. She's in the middle of Africa with no cell phone coverage.

    But what I can't figure out is how to ask her. If I do have her as a bridesmaid.
    I've done cute things to ask my other bridesmaids. So Im kind of stuck on how to ask her. DO I just say " hey I'd love for you to be my bridesmaid..." I just think thats silly. Expecially when I did cute poems and such for my other girls...
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    Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
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    edited December 2011
    You tell the truth. 

    Hi Whateverhernameis!  We are deep into wedding planning, and before too much time passes, I have something to ask you!  In marrying your brother, I am marrying into your awesome family.  I would love to have you, as my new family, be a part of my bridal party!  I know you are far away, and completely understand this is more than you may want to try to do, but it would be wonderful if you could!  We can work out the details with your mom of getting your measurements and ordering your dress.  Let me know as soon as you can so we can get the info going across the world!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    boderoeboderoe member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-wants-fsil-bridesmaid-lets-just-say-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cdc81323-5bc9-4eb2-93e2-1511f4b9d33fPost:5be944f3-44d4-4caa-84d9-b9001d8230fb">Re: FMIL wants FSIL to be bridesmaid... Let's just say I need help.</a>:
    [QUOTE]You tell the truth.  Hi Whateverhernameis!  We are deep into wedding planning, and before too much time passes, I have something to ask you!  In marrying your brother, I am marrying into your awesome family.  I would love to have you, as my new family, be a part of my bridal party!  I know you are far away, and completely understand this is more than you may want to try to do, but it would be wonderful if you could!  We can work out the details with your mom of getting your measurements and ordering your dress.  Let me know as soon as you can so we can get the info going across the world!
    Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Thank you for this. 

    </div>
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    saric83saric83 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    What does your FI think?
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    ootmother2ootmother2 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Have your FSIL stand up on your FI's side.  It's not really that uncommon.
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    redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I hate when people assume that girls have to be bridesmaids and pressure the bride to ask people to be BM's that she does not know or want. Its usually the sister of the groom. If it is important to your FMIL for her to be in the WP, your fiance should have her on his side. Having her in the WP does not make or break your future relationship with her. especially since she is older and in Africa. I would tell your FMIL that while you like his sister and hope to get to know her better some day, you do not feel comfortable having her in the wedding party.
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    AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You are well within your rights to not ask her. You can tell your FMIL "sorry, but are WP has been picked". If you want to make his sister a reader that would be a good way to keep her involved in the wedding if that is what your FMIL is worried about. 

    Like others said it is a nice gestured and depending on your FMIL's personality and the way she handles rejection of ideas it is a good way to keep the peace if she might possibly throws a fit or holds a grudge. 

    MuffinsMom gave a great way to how to ask. As for the attire, give her the dress you picked out (and make sure you ask your BMs their budgets BEFORE finding a dress) or give her the designer, color, length, and fabric and let her find her own dress and let her handle in ordering it.
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    jna0941jna0941
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I agree with AutumnFair and redheadtmk.  I hate that because you will be in-lawed you are expected to ask them to join the WP.  If you are close with them, that is one thing, but I understand how it would be uncomfortable to call a practical stranger and ask them to be in your wedding even though you have already asked the rest of the party.  Symmetry is not necessary, but I also like symmetrical party sides.  I like the idea of having her on your fiance's side if he wants to include her.  I also like the idea of having her do a reading.  I hope that you can find an answer, and know that whatever you choose is well within your own right to choose.  I know how frustrating it can be do deal with in-laws (I would be grateful if my FSIL lived in Africa).  Wink 
    I havent seen anything about it yet, but I would feel frustrated if my FMIL asked me to do this.  My FMIL is pushy and rude so I would feel like telling her to mind her own business- even though I would just smile. 

    Good luck

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    Lynne101Lynne101
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have no problem that you don't want you future husbands sister in the WP but ... Am hoping her fellings aren't hurt if you FMIL already implied to her that she was going to be. Not your fault but but maybe you should have your Fiance find out from his MOM if she was already informally told this by you FMIL. Now that said... I do take offense .... LOL... that one of your reasons is that she is 10 years older then you!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY, that is a reason?
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    sparent2010sparent2010 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-wants-fsil-bridesmaid-lets-just-say-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:cdc81323-5bc9-4eb2-93e2-1511f4b9d33fPost:4baa5d8c-8684-4012-8239-2e8f64e86e12">Re: FMIL wants FSIL to be bridesmaid... Let's just say I need help.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with AutumnFair and redheadtmk.  I hate that because you will be in-lawed you are expected to ask them to join the WP.  If you are close with them, that is one thing, but I understand how it would be uncomfortable to call a practical stranger and ask them to be in your wedding even though you have already asked the rest of the party.  Symmetry is not necessary, but I also like symmetrical party sides.  I like the idea of having her on your fiance's side if he wants to include her.  I also like the idea of having her do a reading.  I hope that you can find an answer, and know that whatever you choose is well within your own right to choose.  I know how frustrating it can be do deal with in-laws (I would be grateful if my FSIL lived in Africa).    I havent seen anything about it yet, but I would feel frustrated if my FMIL asked me to do this. <strong> My FMIL is pushy and rude so I would feel like telling her to mind her own business</strong>- even though I would just smile.  Good luck
    Posted by jna0941[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>FYI she is going to be part of your family forever so you might want make nice and
    <div>
    </div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:'Times New Roman';line-height:normal;font-size:medium;" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">OP- Pretty much you made up your mind before you posted this and were looking for people to agree with you. <div>
    </div><div>Why is it a big deal if she is in your wedding party? She can stand on your FI's side or even yours it is not a big deal. She will be part of your family and she is going to stand next to you on your wedding day who cares? I am sure you FMIL has her number and can call her or get you in touch together. The dres can be ordered off the internet and I am sure she can send you measurements. It is not a big deal to email her or even FB message her to ask. </div><div>
    </div><div>What does your FI think about this? </div></div></span>
    </div></div>
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