Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Moms and Maids
NikkiE29
member
MOG- don't know what to do about her.
So my fiance and I have been engaged for about 9 months and our wedding is just 4 months away. From day one my FMIL made it clear she will not be helping with a cent of our wedding and that her new husband would be footing the bill for our rehearsal dinner. We are fine that she is not helping with the wedding because she has never really been there for my fiance and they are not overly close. I have always gotten along w/her for the most part besides her negativity and jealousy toward her son's success. Fiance has a huge family most of whom he does not keep in touch with so because my parents are paying for the entire wedding he chose to only invite those who he is close with, and his mother was okay with it. Now all of a sudden she wants us to send invites to EVERYONE in her family and will not let up. She claims those people will not come, however, we do not feel that we should have to pay for invites, and that it is not right to send invitations to peopel who are not invited. All of a sudden she is going off a rocker crying saying how it is unfair that she has no say in our wedding, when she isn't paying! She also went off saying that she thinks it was rude of me not to call her when my mother got her dress to tell her what it looks like....I was rushed to the hospital 5 days after my mom bought her dress, the last thing I was thinking of doing was calling my FMIL. My fiance is so upset and we don't know what to do. We don't want to invite his family members we don't know and also we don't want to get stuck having to make my parents pay for more guests We just don't know how to handle her and all that ends up happening when we try ot discuss it is her acting like a victim and turning things around on my fiance. Sorry if this is long!
stressed
stressed
This discussion has been closed.
Re: MOG- don't know what to do about her.
I sympathize bc my FMIL is exactly the same. That is usually how we deal with her similar tantrums; firm and calm.
Your fi should deal with his own mother. He could tell her it's not in the budget to invite all her family members and that the guest list has been finalized. He should also let her know that he decided that he didn't want to invite family members that he doesnt' know so well.
As for the dress, FMIL still has plenty of time to buy a dress for your February wedding. You can give her a description of your mother's dress, since she has asked, and tell her that you are sure whatever she picks out will be beautiful.
Otherwise, ignore your FMIL's pettiness. Good luck : )
>>saying how it is unfair that she has no say in our wedding, when she isn't paying!
Traditionally the MOG hosts the RD, and she has "her say" in the planning of the RD, the hosting of the RD that night, and the paying for the RD. He should not tell you all about what she's saying about the wedding plans and make you feel bad or question decisions that you and your parents are making - he needs to direct her to planning of the RD instead.
/>>She also went off saying that she thinks it was rude of me not to call her when my mother got her dress to tell her what it looks like....
Well, you (like me) are in the south and the south holds fast to tradition. It's tradition for the MOB to communicate to the MOG regarding the dress that the MOB has chosen. See link below. And I saw that you were sick right after your mother bought her dress, but certainly within two weeks, your mother could have found time to make a phone call to MOG. It sounds like your mother deliberately didn't call, and that's perceived by MOG as a real slight because the MOG is "on hold" until the MOB picks the MOB dress. Below is a clip from a whole website about MOG attire, and the URL:
Q. When the mother of the bride buys her dress, what happens? Does she call the mother of the groom?
A. You can expect the mother of the bride to notify you. This courtesy is presumably meant to prevent overdressing, clashing colors, and other fashion faux pas, but it's also viewed as a friendly gesture.
http://wedding.theknot.com/bridal-fashion/bridesmaid-dresses/articles/mother-of-the-groom-attire.aspx
[QUOTE] /> />saying how it is unfair that she has no say in our wedding, when she isn't paying! Traditionally the MOG hosts the RD, and she has "her say" in the planning of the RD, the hosting of the RD that night, and the paying for the RD. He should not tell you all about what she's saying about the wedding plans and make you feel bad or question decisions that you and your parents are making - he needs to direct her to planning of the RD instead. /> />She also went off saying that she thinks it was rude of me not to call her when my mother got her dress to tell her what it looks like.... Well, you (like me) are in the south and the south holds fast to tradition. It's tradition for the MOB to communicate to the MOG regarding the dress that the MOB has chosen. See link below. And I saw that you were sick right after your mother bought her dress, but certainly within two weeks, your mother could have found time to make a phone call to MOG. It sounds like your mother deliberately didn't call, and that's perceived by MOG as a real slight because the MOG is "on hold" until the MOB picks the MOB dress. Below is a clip from a whole website about MOG attire, and the URL: Q. When the mother of the bride buys her dress, what happens? Does she call the mother of the groom? A. You can expect the mother of the bride to notify you. This courtesy is presumably meant to prevent overdressing, clashing colors, and other fashion faux pas, but it's also viewed as a friendly gesture. <a rel="nofollow" href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridal-fashion/bridesmaid-dresses/articles/mother-of-the-groom-attire.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/bridal-fashion/bridesmaid-dresses/articles/mother-of-the-groom-attire.aspx</a>
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]
For the love of God Kristin would you let go of the 1950s. The FMIL could have called and asked about the MOB's dress without throwing a temper tantrum.
Her FI should absolutely be telling her what his mother is saying and letting her know how he's handling it. I'd rather know than be ambushed with an attack "out of nowhere" when I see her.
and I would not call South Florida part of the South. It's the one state that the further north you go the more southern it gets.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
thanks everyone for your input
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOG- don't know what to do about her. : For the love of God Kristin would you let go of the 1950s. The FMIL could have called and asked about the MOB's dress without throwing a temper tantrum. Her FI should absolutely be telling her what his mother is saying and letting her know how he's handling it. I'd rather know than be ambushed with an attack "out of nowhere" when I see her. <strong>and I would not call South Florida part of the South. It's the one state that the further north you go the more southern it gets.</strong>
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
<div>Thank you... I've been wanting to say this every time the word "south" or "southern" gets dropped...</div>
[QUOTE]I didn't know there were any southerners left in Florida.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
<div>Lol.</div><div>
</div><div>There are a few. Although they all moved there after retirement. (I'm from St. Petersburg. Elephant Graveyard of the Northeast.)</div>
Since my husband and I are paying for our daughter's wedding, it will be up to us to act as host and hostess. If your parents are paying for the wedding, they will act as host and hostess. Let them in on the situation. If your FMIL starts to create a scene, it would be up to them to handle it. You will have enough on your plate that day.
It is you and your future intended's day. You both get to say who's coming and who isn't. Don't buckle to your FMIL. Sadly, many adults try and get their way by brow beating and bully tactics. Sounds to me that this is what your future in-law is trying to do. Stand your ground. You can't trust her word that the invitees won't come.
As for the dress thing, I'm following my daughter's lead. She knows the feel she wants for her wedding. As long as she doesn't dress me in a tutu and clown shoes, I'm good. I'll leavei it up to her to steer her groom's mom in the right direction.