How do I tell them I don't want to be given away?

Opus92

I never had a close relationship with my birth father. My mother remarried after I left home, and while my stepfather has been more of a father figure to me, I'm not very close with him. When I imagined my wedding day, I saw myself walking alone down the aisle. My mother has different ideas. She so excited about everything in this wedding that I haven't been able to find a way to tell her that I don't want to be given away. How do I tell her without insulting her and my stepfather?

MissOwl

I suggest having another way in mind to honor them. For example, you may start the discussion by saying how much you look forward to your special dance together/their speech/whatever/ then be sure to say that you've always envisioned yourself walking down the aisle alone...it might help that they still see themselves in your vision, but just in a different way.

jana953

i agree with miss owl, get them involved in another way.

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_tell-dont-want-given-away?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:4c8ac0c6-06b2-44fa-b744-28cb6851e06bPost:6aacf82a-6275-400a-a309-4f3415eb5028">Re: How do I tell them I don't want to be given away?</a>:
[QUOTE]i agree with miss owl, <strong><font color="#0000ff">get them involved in another way.
</font></strong>Posted by jana953[/QUOTE]

Getting them involved is a nice idea.  BUT ... it doesn't solve your current issue, which is how to tell them of your decision without insulting them. 

You cannot control how others feel/react.  Period.  So, as nicely as you can, the next time the flow of the ceremony is being discussed you can simply mention that you're walking down the aisle alone (or whatever your choice might be).  They may (likely will) question your decision and, if you are ready with the answers/confident in your reasons, you'll be fine.  You might stumble over the words ... so practice first.  <u>I am sure you will deliver the news in just the right way</u>.  Good luck!

golden1215

I have a fine relationship with my dad and he didnt give me away.  I just explained to him, and my mom, how they would be honored, not how they wouldnt.  I stopped at the beginning of my entrance and gave them both a kiss; so I told them this and focused on the positive.  If they ask why, you do need to have reasons ready or they'll talk you into something you dont want.

I had many that may or may not apply to you:
1- I'm a grown woman with my own child so it seemed silly to have anyone give me away to anyone else
2- my parents/dad did not pay for the wedding at all
3- logistically the path through the garden I walked through to get to H was not conducive to 2 people walking side by side

etc etc

NOLAbridealmost

You could try to split the baby and have your step father walk you halfway down the aisle and then finish the walk alone.  I once saw this done and it was really beautiful and symbolic because the program said something about how family takes you though life to a point, but then you get to be a grown up and be independent until you find the partner you'll start your new family with. 

virgincita

I have this same situation. I'm not close with my birth father. I am close with my stepfather but he's been in my life for only a few years and I thought I would offend my entire birth father's family (grandparents etc. who I AM close with) if I chose my stepfather instead.

So....

I bit the bullet and sat down over a glass of wine with my birth father. I told him that I prefered to walk alone down the isle. Period. I did not elaborate. He took it very well and said that was fine if that's what I wanted. I was expecting a blow-out fight, but thankfully he acted like an adult. It has not become an issue at all. So don't worry! It may not be an issue!

I am having two father/daughter dances at the reception, one with dad and stepfather.