Finding bridesmaids I'm having a serious problem

pinkchelsie88

So here I am writing on the message boards because I'm desperate to figure out this problem I have. I don't have enough bridesmaids. Right now my fiance has picked out five groomsmen that he absolutely has to have (including my two brothers). I right now only have my maid of honor picked out and maybe one other bridesmaid but I haven't asked her yet. But then I'm starting to wonder about my maid of honor because she acted really awful on my birthday because it wasn't all about her. So I'm not sure if I can really trust her either. Its difficult because I'm a community college student so I really don't have a lot of friends right now and I'm not that close with my family members. So my dillemma is, should I try to stretch out and find people even if I'm not that close to them to be in my wedding? Or should I make him cut off a few people so I don't have to have as many. I know we don't have to have even numbers but if he has 5 and I have 2 its gonna look a little weird. I mean I'm so tired of trying to buddy up with people so I maybe could ask them to be in my wedding that I almost just want to scrap the whole bridesmaids and groomsmen thing anyway. Can I do that?

Anyway I need some help! Suggestions?

 

stina93446

No! You should NOT reach out to people you aren't close to. How weird would it be to see your photos 20 years later and think, "oh I don't even know what she's up to. What was her name again?"

You can definitely have your brothers on YOUR side....but as for not having ENOUGH bridesmaids, stop it. Sides don't have to be even. Many people today are having different numbers because friends don't come in perfect sets and pairs. Just have your bros and whoever else you wanted.

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]Right now my fiance has picked out five groomsmen that he absolutely has to have (including my two brothers).[/QUOTE]
You can have your brothers stand on your side instead as bridesmen/bridal attendants.

[QUOTE]But then I'm starting to wonder about my maid of honor because she acted really awful on my birthday because it wasn't all about her. So I'm not sure if I can really trust her either.[/QUOTE]
Is she normally like this? Keep in mind that if you did ask her already, it's not okay to ask her to step down unless she has done something extremely offensive to you and your FI.  That doesn't sound like it's an issue here though.

[QUOTE]So my dillemma is, should I try to stretch out and find people even if I'm not that close to them to be in my wedding? Or should I make him cut off a few people so I don't have to have as many. I know we don't have to have even numbers but if he has 5 and I have 2 its gonna look a little weird.[/QUOTE]
You can always have a couple of the groomsmen stand on your side if you're worried about it looking too lopsided.  Or have male bridal party members if you are closer to guys.

buttaflai

[QUOTE]So here I am writing on the message boards because I'm desperate to figure out this problem I have. I don't have enough bridesmaids. Right now my fiance has picked out five groomsmen that he absolutely has to have (including my two brothers). I right now only have my maid of honor picked out and maybe one other bridesmaid but I haven't asked her yet. But then I'm starting to wonder about my maid of honor because she acted really awful on my birthday because it wasn't all about her. So I'm not sure if I can really trust her either. Its difficult because I'm a community college student so I really don't have a lot of friends right now and I'm not that close with my family members. So my dillemma is, should I try to stretch out and find people even if I'm not that close to them to be in my wedding? Or should I make him cut off a few people so I don't have to have as many. I know we don't have to have even numbers but if he has 5 and I have 2 its gonna look a little weird. I mean I'm so tired of trying to buddy up with people so I maybe could ask them to be in my wedding that I almost just want to scrap the whole bridesmaids and groomsmen thing anyway. Can I do that? Anyway I need some help! Suggestions?  
Posted by pinkchelsie88[/QUOTE]

The serious problem is that you want to include people who you aren't close with in your bridal party. How long do you have before your wedding? If you have some time, just wait to see if your relationship changes with people.

Also, it isn't a requirement that the quantities are even on both sides. If he has 5 and you have 2 - fine! It's not a big deal. You will regret asking people who aren't close to share this time with you, especially if you're asking them to fork over money for dress, etc and you barely know them!

CTGirl30

Don't ask people whom you're not close to just for the sake of filling up your side a bit more.  I bet nobody will think it's weird if you have 2 people and he has 5.  Don't make him cut off people if the 5 he has in mind are the 5 people he really wants by his side on his wedding day. That's not fair at all  - plus, he gets to select his side and you get to select yours.

Side note: I will have 4 girls on my side and my FI will have 2 guys on his side. This doesn't bother me at all since I know he will have the 2 people he wanted up there with him most and I will have the 4 people I wanted most standing by me.

(Your brothers can certainly stand on your side as attendants if you wish. There is no rule that genders must be segregated when it comes to WPs. Your FI can have groomswomen on his side and you can have male attendants on your side.)

Is the situation with your potential MOH something you can work out as friends? Have you talked about the incident on your birthday to see what was up with that behavior? (And, is that typical of her to be selflsh or was there possibly something else happening in her life at that time that might have contributed....?) If she's a good friend to you normally, I'd suggest working out your issue so you can strengthen your friendship and move forward.

Think about your friendship with her - and the other girl you were considering asking - and ask yourself if these are people you'll look back on the wedding photos in 5 years and think, "I'm so glad Susie and Jane were standing beside me on my wedding day to DH!"

mbcdefg

Your problem will be solved if you just let your FI ask who he wants to ask, and if you ask the people you want to ask (and if you have brothers or guy friends that you're close to, it's fine if you ask them to stand with you), and if you stop worrying about even numbers.

Seriously. You're making this a million times harder than it has to be. Instead of worrying about rounding up random people to fill in a wedding party, or being mean enough to cut people out of your wedding (seriously, how hurt would YOU be if a friend told you, "I'd love to have you in my wedding, but the sides have to be even and so you didn't make the cut, sorry"), all in the name of keeping things symmetrical and even ... if you just STOP WORRYING about things being even and "perfect" (realize that NOTHING is "perfect"), you will be fine.

I think you are overestimating just how much people care about even bridal parties. Seriously, your guests will not give a shiit. They are there to watch you get married, and then eat and drink and party with you afterward. They will not be sitting there and ignoring your heartfelt vows because they're only concentrating on how uneven the wedding party is. If YOU attended a wedding where the bridal party was even, would YOU really care? Would it affect how you felt about the couple or the amount of fun you had at the party? When you hang out with friends in regular life, is everyone always perfectly paired off? So why should it matter for your wedding?

I also think you're misunderstanding the point of having a bridal party. The point is to honor your dearest friends. If you pick people you're not close to, or tell others that they can't stand up with you after all because the sides need to be even, then you've missed the entire point of honoring your closest friends. You're also sending a horrible message to others that numbers mean more to you than friendships.

I know that TV shows and magazines and maybe even loved ones are always peddling the idea that things need to be even and perfect or else it "won't look right." Please ignore them, because they are very, VERY wrong. People mean more than numbers, and there is no possible way that an uneven wedding party will ruin your photos, your wedding or your marriage.

LarissaAnn

Ditto the others.  Really, even a very lopsided wedding party is FINE.  And you definitely can have your brothers on your side.

Either way, don't drive yourself crazy over this.  Seriously, it's not worth the headache.

As far as the MOH, do yourself a favor:  don't expect anything.  All you should expect out of her is that she get her dress & show up.  Don't expect help with anything, don't expect parties, and then you can't be disappointed.  If she does extra, you'll be pleasantly surprised instead.

And breathe.  It'll all turn out OK in the end, I promise.

aerinpegadrak

Go back and read the blurb at the top of the main board page.  Then re-read all of the other responses.  Uneven wedding parties do.  Not.  Matter.

Just ask the people that you want to ask for your side, and your FI will ask the people he wants for his side.  Forget about the numbers.

megk8oz

I'm just going to make this easy and "Ditto" the PPs.

MyNameIsNot

Pretty much, ditto.

You shouldn't exclude people to keep numbers even, and you shouldn't invite people that you aren't very close to for that reason either. 

We ended up with 2/4, and it was great.  2/5 would be fine, too.  Moving your brother to your side would be fine, too.

aerinpegadrak

We're considering moving my brother from FI's side to mine.  Since the best man looks like he's not coming (since he hasn't returned FI's calls for almost two months), that would change it from five on each side to 6 on mine, 4 on his.  Symmetry is overrated, but keeping the peace on the wedding day (FI and bro don't really get along) is paramount.

banana468

Pretty much ditto the others.

Unever bridal parties are the new black.