Wedding Party

Won't be posting on the knot anymore

Re: Won't be posting on the knot anymore

  • I think your madness is over the top.  Be bummed...whine to your fiance...but get over it.  He has a FAMILY wedding.  With many people, family trumps friends -- regardless of the role in the wedding.  Does it suck?  Of course...but I don't think this should be a friendship-ending disagreement.  I have a feeling he's being pressured by more people than just the other bride.


  • In Response to Re:Groomsman bows out... am I right to be mad?:
    Well, first off why is YOUR friend a groomsman? Those are supposed to be your FI's nearest and dearest. But to the point, you aren't wrong for being disappointed or upset, but he is likely in a very tough spot and may have thought, hey my friend loves me and will still love me even if I miss her wedding, but my family will hold it over my head for the rest of my life if I miss my cousin's wedding. I think he should come to your wedding too, since he already made the commitment. But I think if you want to maintain this friendship, your best option is to have a nice bottle of wine, rant and rave and maybe cry in the bathtub for an hour, then move on and be supportive of your friend.
    Posted by StageManager14
    Yes. This. Exactly. 
  • The groomsman may be standing on the bride's side. OP, I'd say it's not worth losing too much sleep over. It's too bad that he backed out and that he let his cousin decide for him, but "blood is thicker than water" as my Das keeps telling me (guest list woes!). His cousin may feel the need to compete with you, and if you find that is the case, be the bigger person and let her rage and make a fool of herself.

  • I understand you being disappointed. One of my best friends agreed to be a bridesmaid and do my wedding months before her cousin set her wedding for the same date. My friend stood by her original commitment to me, which I appreciated. Her parents could not attend though as they went to the cousins wedding.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    edited January 2013
    In Response to Re: Groomsman bows out... am I right to be mad?:
    Wow.  Some of you have very interesting ideas.  Nowhere did I say that I would no longer be friends with this guy because of this.  Also, who said that the groomsmen have to be picked only by the guy?  This was a mutual choice made by my groom and I because of how long we have been friends he is like family, he's like a brother.  So yes, I am upset he cannot make it. However, I am getting the message that I should not expect that people who made a promise to be there do not need to if they have Family.  If only all of us had been blessed with brothers and sisters maybe we would all understand it better. I had thought this was supposed to be a place to get support from other brides not be to be called a brat or bridezilla.
    Posted by elinormariebrown
    First, the groom should pick his side the bride should pick hers.  Period.  You should not have picked a groomsman for your FI side.  If you want someone to stand up with you on your side, no matter the gender, then you should ask them to be on your side, but you should not pick people for your FI.  That is his decision and his only.

    As for your friend bowing out of the wedding party.  Put yourself into his shoes.  He has been put between a rock and a hard place.  He basically picked the worse of two evils when choosing to go to his cousins wedding.  He knew that whatever he decided someone was going to get hurt.  He picked his family over you.  That sucks, I agree but he had to make a choice and it seems like if he didn't choose his family he would have never heard the end of it, while he figured that with you, you would understand that he didn't want to drop out but had to because of family obligation.

    I am sorry you didn't get the answers you wanted but that is life.  We are hear to support each other but we aren't hear to blow smoke up others butts to validate crazy ideas.  You have every right to be upset but you either need to get over it or risk losing this person as a friend if you keep holding this hard decision over his head for the rest of his life.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    edited January 2013
    OP, you really need to grow the heck up and realize that life does not always go the way you want it to.  Sometimes crap happens and people have to make hard choices and those choices may not always be in your favor.  I feel bad for your friend because he had to make a hard choice and I am sure it isn't the direction he wanted to go but sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do for family.  Instead of being supportive of his decision you are being selfish.  Get over yourself.  I am sure your friend already feels like  a d$ck for having to bail on you so stop rubbing salt into his wounds.

    **Edited to remove the harsh word "hell".

  • OP, if you ever come back you may want to reread the responses you got.  Frankly, you sound like a nutcase in your reply.  No one was rude to you or called you names.  There is not much you can do other than be disappointed.  Your friend was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I agree with PPs that his decision was probably influenced by pressure from his family.  Sometimes you don't get what you want, as much as it sucks.
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  • I don't think people need to be calling people names to be considered rude. I would be disappointed too if one of my party members dropped out. Maybe not SO upset, but still there was swearing and some abrasive language. If you want to be a network of people that help each other, rethink how you treat people. Take your own advice if you're nice to people, meaning families, vendors, wedding party, guests, you're more likely to get better results. As in, the posters will actually take your advice. I know a lot of people here read Dear Prudence, and Prudie is always nice but firm. If you don't know Dear Prudence, check her out. You will benefit.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    edited January 2013
    In Response to Re:Won't be posting on the knot anymore:
    I don't think people need to be calling people names to be considered rude. I would be disappointed too if one of my party members dropped out. Maybe not SO upset, but still there was swearing and some abrasive language. If you want to be a network of people that help each other, rethink how you treat people. Take your own advice if you're nice to people, meaning families, vendors, wedding party, guests, you're more likely to get better results. As in, the posters will actually take your advice. I know a lot of people here read Dear Prudence, and Prudie is always nice but firm. If you don't know Dear Prudence, check her out. You will benefit.
    Posted by zoberg
    My original post was nice but firm just like Dear Prudence.  We are polite but blunt.  When a poster decides to come back and throw insults around I have no problem arguing back.  OP came here for advice and I thought we all gave her good advice which was that it is ok to be upset but that there isn't anything she can do and to get over it.  She didn't like our responses and got mad that we didn't validate her feelings.  There isn't much more we can say.

    I also wish that I had the fore thought to copy her final post before she decided to DD.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    In Response to Re:Won't be posting on the knot anymore:
    In Response to Re:Won't be posting on the knot anymore : WHERE?  Prior to Maggie's post with the word "hell" in it, which was a reply to OP freaking out, where was the swearing and abrasive language.  Show me.
    Posted by StageManager14
    Fixed my post so now there is absolutely no swearing and abrasive language in this entire thread.

    I really think people need to grow some thicker skin.  You can't say "boo" anymore without someone getting their feelings hurt.  I am a blunt person and if people don't like my bluntness then I suggest they skip over my posts.

    Gosh I hate Mondays!

  • Wow there is a slew of crazy over-reactions today!  Sometimes I think the more reasonable and sane the advice is, the more crazytrain the response to the advice gets.  Maybe it's Knot physics?  Equal and opposite reaction?  lol
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    In Response to Re: Won't be posting on the knot anymore:
    Wow there is a slew of crazy over-reactions today!  Sometimes I think the more reasonable and sane the advice is, the more crazytrain the response to the advice gets.  Maybe it's Knot physics?  Equal and opposite reaction?  lol
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain
    I was thinking the same thing!  A lot of thin skin Knotties out today :)

  • harper0813harper0813
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    edited January 2013
    I really didn't mean to attack you and your advicegiving, and my feelings are not hurt. Honestly, sometimes I come off as more abrasive than I mean to be. I just think it would be more helpful to be nice. I notice that the only people here treated with respect are people who post frequently, I don't see why we shouldn't be as kind to everyone even if they're not as polite. There's no need to thicken people's skin that's not what they come here for, you know? I've just been seeing conversations around here that are rather scathing and I don't see how it's necessary.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    I did not think that you attacked me at all.  I just responded to your post with my opinion of the situation.

    I tend to be brutally honest and blunt on these boards, but when I take the time to give an honest and thoughtful answer to which an OP replies with harsh words and throws a **stomp, stomp, stomp** temper tantrum I will not come back with "Oh sweetie, everything will be ok."  I will tell them that they are acting childish and need to grow up.  I will tell them that the world does not revolve around them and that people will not always walk on egg shells to prevent hurting their feelings.

    I really think that this what is wrong with our society.  People are spoiled and think things should just be handed to them.  But they are wrong.  They need to earn respect and you do not earn that by acting like a baby because people don't validate your thinking.  This is why we have so many entitled brides on these boards.  From every direction they are being told by the wedding industry that this is "Your day" and to "Do what you want" but that is not true.  Other people are involved, people you love and have friendships with and these brides are so blinded by "My wedding" that they don't see how their decisions for a one day party may effect the relationships they have with others for years down the road.

    I can be nice to a point but I will not stop calling someone out for being childish when that is exactly what they are being.  The truth hurts.  Life sometimes sucks and doesn't always go your way.  People need to learn how to deal with that.  That is why I think people need to thicken their skin a bit.  Heck if they can't take a bit of truth about their wedding plans in stride how in the world will they be able to handle real and more important life changing issues in the future?

  • harper0813harper0813
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    edited January 2013
    In Response to Re:Won't be posting on the knot anymore:
    In Response to Re:Won't be posting on the knot anymore : I'm still waiting for you to back up your accusations of swearing and abrasive words.  
    Posted by StageManager14

    I was referring to Maggie's post. She was kind enough to edit it, which I appreciate - thanks, Maggie. I also was referring to people's "written tones". If you want to post the way you do, that's fine. I understand why many of you feel the way you do. I suppose I'm not used to dealing with people who react so harshly. I'll chalk it up to Midwest Niceness and learn to tune some people out.

    Thanks - and I hope we can end this petty argument here.

  • I'm a little sad I missed out on some delicious craziness.. Damn DD's
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  • I was born and raised in the midwest. The rudest thing you can possibly do there is try to dictate to people how to behave and how to live their lives. You can think someone is rude until you are blue in the face, but that's your own business. You do not own us, nor can you control us.
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  • In Response to Re:Groomsman bows out... am I right to be mad?:
    Well, first off why is YOUR friend a groomsman? Those are supposed to be your FI's nearest and dearest.  
    Posted by StageManager14
    I think it's an old traditon, or an old southern tradition, When my parents got married in 1980, my dad's sister was a bridesmaid. My parents lived in NC and my aunt in OH so it's not like they were close. My mom's brothers were groomsmen. 
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