Two Sisters - Should they be my Maid & Matron?!?? Even if were not close? HELP!

amanda07425

Okay, so I have two older sisters. One of my sisters I am extremely close with, she's definitely one of my best friends and I know I want her to be my maid of honor. My other sister I'm not very close with.. she can be a very judgmental person and we just have nothing in common so I don't talk or trust her very much. (I know that probably sounds horrible but it's the truth) Because she is my sister I do want to have her in my bridal party but I don't know whether to make her my matron of honor (she is married) or a bridesmaid. I think if I have one sister be my maid of honor, but other sister's feelings would be really hurt if she was just a bridesmaid and it would probably start problems with the family b/c she already constantly feels left out.. but my thing is, we are not that close and I don't want her to try and organize everything with my other sister who will be my maid of honor b/c she'll probably do things I don't like and criticize things that I do lik.. So what should I do??

AddieCake

Ditto Retread.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_two-sisters-maid-matron?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:5ee321b6-14e5-4ebd-9d42-8b0fa460d765Post:391be4ff-2ac9-40c6-a580-078da95bfec4">Two Sisters - Should they be my Maid & Matron?!?? Even if were not close? HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, so I have two older sisters. One of my sisters I am extremely close with, she's definitely one of my best friends and I know I want her to be my maid of honor. My other sister I'm not very close with.. she can be a very judgmental person and we just have nothing in common so I don't talk or trust her very much. (I know that probably sounds horrible but it's the truth) Because she is my sister I do want to have her in my bridal party but I don't know whether to make her my matron of honor (she is married) or a bridesmaid. I think if I have one sister be my maid of honor, but other sister's feelings would be really hurt if she was just a bridesmaid and it would probably start problems with the family b/c she already constantly feels left out.. but my thing is, we are not that close <strong>and I don't want her to try and organize everything with my other sister who will be my maid of honor b/c she'll probably do things I don't like and criticize things that I do lik..</strong> So what should I do??
Posted by amanda07425[/QUOTE]

You know what you're signing up for if you ask her.

I also firmly believe that shared DNA isn't a reason to have somebody in your wedding party.

amanda07425

I mean, my one sister I'm extremely close with and there's not doubt in my mind that I want her to be my maid of honor... but I feel like since I'm having her as my "maid" my other sister will be extremely upset if she's not my "matron" but were not that close. She'll either get pissed and not talk to me or she'll complain to my family members who will then give me crap about not having her as "matron"

The biggest reason I don't want her as "matron" is b/c she doesnt know me very well and I feel like she'll plan and do things she likes and not what I like.. but I really don't want the hassle of someone holding a grudge and ruining my day because they're pissed.

AddieCake

Your WP should be your nearest and dearest. If you aren't that close, why would she or anyone else expect her to be in it? Can you appease her by having her be a reader?

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_two-sisters-maid-matron?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:5ee321b6-14e5-4ebd-9d42-8b0fa460d765Post:3ac06f43-4950-416c-8351-9909672d5579">Re: Two Sisters - Should they be my Maid & Matron?!?? Even if were not close? HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]I mean, my one sister I'm extremely close with and there's not doubt in my mind that I want her to be my maid of honor... but I feel like since I'm having her as my "maid" my other sister will be extremely upset if she's not my "matron" but were not that close. She'll either get pissed and not talk to me or she'll complain to my family members who will then give me crap about not having her as "matron"<strong> The biggest reason I don't want her as "matron" is b/c she doesnt know me very well and I feel like she'll plan and do things she likes and not what I like.. but I really don't want the hassle of someone holding a grudge and ruining my day because they're pissed.
</strong>Posted by amanda07425[/QUOTE]

You need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.  You are an adult and can make your own decisions.  Will those decisions be something that everyone likes?  No.  But you need to stand up for yourself and the decisions you make.

As for the bolded.  Please stop worrying about what she may or may not plan.  Planning pre-wedding parties is not required.  Heck, she may not want to even be involved with any of that if people do decide to throw you some parties.  This reallly shouldn't be any worry to you what so ever.  You accept what you have been given with grace whether or not you absolutely love everything they plan (uless of course she insists on getting you a stripper when you are 100% against having one...that is something you can speak up about, but if she wants to decorate your bridal shower with purples but your favorite color is yellow, you need to let that go).

Pick your bridal party in accordance who your nearest and dearest is.  If that means only having your one sister in it then that means only having your one sister.

daveANDkristen

Who is in your WP is nobody's businiess but yours.  Will your (not close) sister be pissed at you if you don't ask her to be in the wedding?  Maybe.  You have to ask yourself what is more important, appeasing your sister or having the people you want in the WP. 

Also, there is nothing wrong with being "just a bridesmaid".  Being in a WP at all is an honor, and TBH the differences between the two roles are minimal, so I hardly see how being a BM as opposed to MOH is a slap in the face. 

tiny speck

Don't have your sisters in your WP if you aren't close to them. I have 3 sisters and none of them are bridesmaids. I will have one MOH who is a close friend. My sisters aren't offended and didn't expect to be in my wedding just because we share the same blood.