Fiance's sister as a bridesmaid??

rector_kate

I love my fiance's sister but she has a tendency to make things about her. Her and my fiance have some sibling issues about how he is the baby and gets everything (not true) and she didn't have a wedding she went to the JP without telling anyone and she got married. So her mom (future mother in law) is really excited about helping plan our wedding and she is jealous I guess. She has a history of bringing up those sibling issues at the wrong time like my college grad party and stuff like that so I am torn about whether or not to make her a bridesmaid.
If I don't she might be mad and that's not how I want to start out my future in this family and if I do I run a huge risk of her making our day about her and her problems. We are having her two daughters as our flower girls, should that be her role to just get them ready and watch them or am I obligated to make her a bridesmaid. PS my brother is not going to be a groomsmen but he is going to be a usher, he isn't married and he DOESN'T tend to drink and make things about him !

HELPPPPP !!!!!

vegasgroom

You're not obligated to make anyone a bridesmaid that you don't want to, although I also would not worry about her stealing the show on your big day, that wont happen whether she tries to or not.

banana468

If she tries to "steal the show" on your wedding day, she's the one who will look ridiculous.

But think about whether or not you really want her up there with you and the family repercussions before you make a decision.

KevinMegan1008

My sister is married to my FI's brother. So we clearly have alittle bit of a unique situation. My sister made my FSIL a bridesmaid and I saw first hand what a nightmare that was. We did hair/makeup in the bridal suite and the photographer took pictures. She outright refused to come in. The only thing my sister asked of us was to have our hair up, all of a sudden she wanted hers down. She complained the whole time we dress shopped & was just very negative.  

When we got engaged we actually sat down with her and told her we'd love for her to be a part of our special day & that I'm going to be very accommodating to the bridesmaids but she cant pull any of that stuff this time around. By sitting down and talking to her she told us she just hated being in weddings and that solved that problem.

Maybe if you sit and talk to her you guys can come to some sort of agreement. My sister really regretted not doing this because if she didnt put her in the wedding, her morning would have just been fun with the girls getting ready.

mbcdefg

It's up to you. She isn't owed a spot in the wedding just because she's your FSIL.

However, if it'll prevent World War III in the family, I'd personally just suck it up and ask her. All she has to do is get the dress and show up to the wedding. Anything beyond that is a bonus.

What does your FI want to do? If it's his sister, the decision should really be his. If he doesn't want her in the wedding, then that's his call, and any wrath from his mother should go to him. You shouldn't get blamed just because you're a woman and therefore the sister is YOUR responsibility. Ditto for how your brother not being in the wedding should be YOUR call, and your FI should not get flack for it.

Plus, when she starts talking about herself, what do YOU do about it? Do you sit there and fume over how rude she is? Or do you ignore her and busy yourself by doing something else, or do you change the subject? If you stop feeding into her act, she might stop, you know. She's only going to get away with as much as you allow her to.

And if you want your brother in the wedding party, but your FI doesn't want him as a groomsman, you could always ask him to be YOUR attendant. That might be a good solution, actually ... have your brother on your side, and if your FI wants his sister included then she can wear a black dress and stand on his side as his attendant.

HeatherBob

There's no reason you should feel obligated to make her your bridesmaid at all. Your wedding party is usually composed of people who are close to you & respect you and your fiance. Hopefully she will understand - but if not then it's okay because it's your day. Don't stress!

aerinpegadrak

If your brother wants her in the wedding, he can have her on his side.  If he firmly does not want her in the wedding, he can be the one to handle the fallout with his family.  Either way, I don't really see how this is your problem just because you both happen to be women.