CN: One of the BMs who was in my wedding just got engaged and I heard through the grapevine that she is thinking about asking me to be a BM. I like her, but am worried she is going to be a bridezilla. Don't know if it would be more drama to be in the wedding or to decline.
Long version: I got married in December and DH's cousin, S, was one of my BMs. She just got engaged and I've heard from MIL that she is thinking about asking me to be a BM in her wedding. S and DH are close, we hang out socially fairly often, and I generally like S, but I'm worried she's going to be a major bridezilla.
Some background. S was SUPER excited to be a BM in my wedding and insisted on taking part in everything. She insisted on coming to all 3 of my showers and bringing a gift for each, even the shower that was held two days after she had surgery and was in obvious pain. I appreciated her enthusiasm, but she then also expected everyone else to be as involved as she was.
S complained to me about one of my other BMs not being able to make any of the showers, even though I said it was no big deal and I understood. My sister/MOH had given me an expensive KitchenAid mixer at the first shower as a combined shower/wedding gift. Then S chided my sister for not bringing a gift with her to the other showers, although I certainly wasn't expecting more gifts from her.
It also sounds like S was a nightmare during the planning for my bachelorette party. When my BMs had asked me, I said I would prefer a fairly low-key b-party. Apparently, S kept on trying to convince everyone to go to Vegas or Miami for my b-party. When the rest of the girls (thankfully) insisted on having it locally, S wanted to rent multiple limos to do a photo scavenger hunt around Chicago. Then she pushed hard for renting a trolley. Apparently it took a lot of effort and arguing for my MOH and other BMs to convince her that these ideas were unreasonable for my friends who were mostly broke grad students or just starting off on their own.
So although I like S socially, I'm afraid she is going to be a PITA bride and expect an expensive, extravagant bachelorette party and get really upset if the BMs aren't able to attend every single pre-wedding event.
However, I don't really see a good way out. I could tell MIL to hint to her that I don't really need to be a BM, but S is fairly high strung and I think would be very offended if I didn't want to be in the wedding. I don't really have an excuse for declining if she asks me. We live in the same city, so logistics isn't an excuse. I have a good-paying job lined up for when I finish grad school in June, so I also can't claim financial limitations. Should I just suck it up and be a BM if S asks?