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Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks

Hi everyone.  I am 3 months from my wedding date and one of my bridesmaids just announced that she is getting dreadlocks!  She says they will be small but I am very worried.  We (myself, fiance, wedding party, and family) are all white.  I've NEVER seen dreads look good on a white person.  They have always looked messy and dirty.  Am I wrong to be upset about this?  I know it's her head and her hair but I feel sick just thinking about how aweful it's going to look.  Further more, she's naturally blonde but dyes her hair dark brown.  How is that going to work with dreads?  She'll have blonde roots and dark dreads?  AHHHH!  This does NOT fit into my wedding vision Undecided  Suggestions?

Re: Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-new-dreadlocks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e0fdd25e-e1e1-4b6c-9823-f47b0f900513Post:043d02bd-2dbe-4025-a757-3b635d202f20">Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi everyone.  I am 3 months from my wedding date and one of my bridesmaids just announced that she is getting dreadlocks!  She says they will be small but I am very worried.  We (myself, fiance, wedding party, and family) are all white.  I've NEVER seen dreads look good on a white person.  They have always looked messy and dirty.  Am I wrong to be upset about this?  I know it's her head and her hair but I feel sick just thinking about how aweful it's going to look.  Further more, she's naturally blonde but dyes her hair dark brown.  How is that going to work with dreads?  She'll have blonde roots and dark dreads?  AHHHH!  <strong>This does NOT fit into my wedding vision  </strong> Suggestions?
    Posted by firemedic46[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>My suggestion, let..it..go. She is your friend, you care for her inner beauty not her outer. You don't care that she looks like this everyday but she has to change herself just to meet "your vision"? Not the best mindset. The best thing you can do is to think about her as a person who has her own mind, body, and soul and not as an object to make your photos pretty. I know that may seem a bit blunt but I know of two friends who have lost someone close to their wedding and I'm sure they wouldn't care if the person had tattoos covering their face or hot pink Mohawk, they would be grateful that person is there standing next to them, sharing their day with them. So let what your friend's hair choice go and move on to something more important and happy. 

    </div>
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-new-dreadlocks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e0fdd25e-e1e1-4b6c-9823-f47b0f900513Post:043d02bd-2dbe-4025-a757-3b635d202f20">Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi everyone.  I am 3 months from my wedding date and one of my bridesmaids just announced that she is getting dreadlocks!  She says they will be small but I am very worried.  We (myself, fiance, wedding party, and family) are all white.  I've NEVER seen dreads look good on a white person.  They have always looked messy and dirty.  Am I wrong to be upset about this?  I know it's her head and her hair but I feel sick just thinking about how aweful it's going to look.  Further more, she's naturally blonde but dyes her hair dark brown.  How is that going to work with dreads?  She'll have blonde roots and dark dreads?  AHHHH!  This does NOT fit into my wedding vision   Suggestions?
    Posted by firemedic46[/QUOTE]

    My suggestion?  Step back and realize how silly you sound.  And don't breathe a word of this to anyone else.

    Let's get this into perspective.  At the end of your ceremony, if your friend decides to have dreads for her hair, you'll be married.  OR At the end of your ceremony, if your friend decides not to change her hairstyle to dreads, you'll be married.

    And isn't that really the point of all of this?

    Micromanaging someone's appearance, including hairstyles or hair color, makeup, piercings, tattoos, weight, or other external things is not attractive in a bride.

    I assume that you asked this friend to stand next to you on your wedding because of what's in her heart, and not because of what's on her head.

    But, good luck to you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    soccerella7soccerella7 member
    First Comment
    edited May 2011
    thats a tricky one and I'm not sure what the etiquette is on this one.  Its not uncommon for women to request people to wear updos when in a bridal party, so maybe you can politely mention to her that you were hoping she would be willing to do a style similar to your other bridesmaids (esp if you are willing to pay for her updo).  How formal is your wedding?  Will it really not go along with the style you are going for? The fact that she currently doesnt have this style already and wants to change it so close to your wedding may make it so that you can politely bring it up, rather than asking her to change something she already has.   but I dont know if you can really request her to change it other than sitting down with her and explaining how the more formal appearance is important to you and ask if she would be willing to wait a few months to do it
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    It's there trix, theknot is back on the fritz. You have to give it a few minutes before it actually posts what you wrote. Boo, weird glitches. 
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    Your "wedding vision" includes detailed descriptions of your friends' hair?

    *scratches head*
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    Look, did you choose your bridesmaid for her looks or for the relationship you have with her?
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    Clarification:

      I DD my follow-up post (that AutumnFair mentioned) because it was a double post when the Knot got wonky. 
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    Maybe you can get your FI's parents to pay for her to change her hair

    For further reading:http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-parents-contributions
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-new-dreadlocks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e0fdd25e-e1e1-4b6c-9823-f47b0f900513Post:48d6911a-4d96-46bf-bc44-36cacdad541a">Re: Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks : My suggestion?  Step back and realize how silly you sound.  And don't breathe a word of this to anyone else. Let's get this into perspective.  At the end of your ceremony, if your friend decides to have dreads for her hair, you'll be married.  OR At the end of your ceremony, if your friend decides not to change her hairstyle to dreads, you'll be married. And isn't that really the point of all of this? Micromanaging someone's appearance, including hairstyles or hair color, makeup, piercings, tattoos, weight, or other external things is not attractive in a bride. I assume that you asked this friend to stand next to you on your wedding because of what's in her heart, and not because of what's on her head. But, good luck to you.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    This exactly.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-new-dreadlocks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e0fdd25e-e1e1-4b6c-9823-f47b0f900513Post:043d02bd-2dbe-4025-a757-3b635d202f20">Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi everyone.  I am 3 months from my wedding date and one of my bridesmaids just announced that she is getting dreadlocks!  She says they will be small but I am very worried.  We (myself, fiance, wedding party, and family) are all white.  I've NEVER seen dreads look good on a white person.  They have always looked messy and dirty.  Am I wrong to be upset about this?  I know it's her head and her hair but I feel sick just thinking about how aweful it's going to look.  Further more, she's naturally blonde but dyes her hair dark brown.  How is that going to work with dreads?  She'll have blonde roots and dark dreads?  AHHHH!  This does NOT fit into my wedding vision   Suggestions?
    Posted by firemedic46[/QUOTE]

    When I read this I actually thought your BM is trying to get a rise out of you.  Wants to know how you'd react to it.  I'd say smile and say "that'll be interesting", or "that's different", or even "I cann't wait to see them!" and not even mention your wedding. 
    "Faith Hope and Love are some good things he gave us, and the greatest is Love"
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-new-dreadlocks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e0fdd25e-e1e1-4b6c-9823-f47b0f900513Post:f1d35f7f-1201-4d5f-87c3-65f424f27c1d">Re: Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks</a>:
    [QUOTE]Clarification:   I DD my follow-up post (that AutumnFair mentioned) because it was a double post when the Knot got wonky. 
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    The same thing has been happening to me off and on for the last week. Sometimes the post turns up later, other times not at all. And I can't edit or delete the duplicate post. Now, I see all the posts are out of order.

    The first time it happened, I checked my PMs to see if I had been banned : ) You never know around here.
                       
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    Can you all honestly say that if you asked a friend with beautiful long hair all her life to be in your wedding and they all of a sudden decide they are going to wear dreads that you wouldn't be shocked?!  I suppose if she wants to sport a mess of knotty strands in a formal gown, so be it. I'm not going to kick her out. How do you style that though? Yes, the other girls were going to have up-dos.  And btw, I have a size 24 MOH.  I don't care about weight, I don't care if they cut their hair, I'm just reeling over how to incoporate this now.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-new-dreadlocks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e0fdd25e-e1e1-4b6c-9823-f47b0f900513Post:66c46182-50b1-4138-ba39-05e3c894b464">Re: Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can you all honestly say that if you asked a friend with beautiful long hair all her life to be in your wedding and they all of a sudden decide they are going to wear dreads that you wouldn't be shocked?!  I suppose if she wants to sport a mess of knotty strands in a formal gown, so be it. I'm not going to kick her out. How do you style that though? Yes, the other girls were going to have up-dos.  And btw, I have a size 24 MOH.  I don't care about weight, I don't care if they cut their hair, I'm just reeling over how to incoporate this now.
    Posted by firemedic46[/QUOTE]

    I might be surprised.  But I most certainly wouldn't be asking her to postpone her new hairstyle of choice until after a wedding.  But then again, I think people are more important than pictures.

    Good luck.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    Suprised? Sure. But to let it completely consume me and ruin my "vision" of my wedding day? Not so much.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-new-dreadlocks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e0fdd25e-e1e1-4b6c-9823-f47b0f900513Post:66c46182-50b1-4138-ba39-05e3c894b464">Re: Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Can you all honestly say that if you asked a friend with beautiful long hair all her life to be in your wedding and they all of a sudden decide they are going to wear dreads that you wouldn't be shocked?!  I suppose if she wants to sport a mess of knotty strands in a formal gown, so be it. I'm not going to kick her out. How do you style that though?</strong> Yes, the other girls were going to have up-dos.  And btw, I have a size 24 MOH.  I don't care about weight, I don't care if they cut their hair, I'm just reeling over how to incoporate this now.
    Posted by firemedic46[/QUOTE]

    First things first, I'm willing to bet she hasn't had beautiful long hair ALL HER LIFE...it grows and changes. Secondly, one of my MOHs(I have 2) is my beautiful baby sister. She has had long gorgeous hair for years, and although she plays with the color a bit, it's usually pretty typical hair. Problem being, my sister is an artist and she gets bored with stuff pretty easily, and really values originality. So guess what she did? She shaved off the right side of her hair. I'm talking one side long, one side pixie cut...like half mohawk. Guess what else? SHE'S STILL MY GORGEOUS BABY SISTER...shocking right? I would never in a million years ask her to change that for me or my wedding or anything else because it's who she is. "A mess of knotty strands" is extremely judgemental, and unless you are planning on styling it yourself, I imagine you can just ask her to incorporate her new dreads into an updo...problem solved.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-new-dreadlocks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e0fdd25e-e1e1-4b6c-9823-f47b0f900513Post:66c46182-50b1-4138-ba39-05e3c894b464">Re: Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Can you all honestly say that if you asked a friend with beautiful long hair all her life to be in your wedding and they all of a sudden decide they are going to wear dreads that you wouldn't be shocked?! </strong> I suppose if she wants to sport a mess of knotty strands in a formal gown, so be it. I'm not going to kick her out. How do you style that though? Yes, the other girls were going to have up-dos.  And btw, I have a size 24 MOH.  I don't care about weight, I don't care if they cut their hair, I'm just reeling over how to incoporate this now.
    Posted by firemedic46[/QUOTE]

    <div>Of course, I would be surprised, might even be shocked.  But it would there, as there is nothing to do about the situation.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'll admit I didn't care about my girls hair.  They choose their own styles with zero input from me.</div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    My SIL fried her hair a couple weeks before our wedding.  It looked awful, and it looks awful in the photos and video.  My other SIL was trying to do her hair and it kept breaking when she was doing the updo.  You just gotta roll with it.
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    It wouldn't bug me in the slightest. 
    Let her figure out how to style it, look up dread undoes, there are some gorgeous pics.
    Methinks you care about weight somewhat if you're giving yourself a pat on the back for having a size 24 bridesmaid....
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-new-dreadlocks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e0fdd25e-e1e1-4b6c-9823-f47b0f900513Post:93896c1d-3990-4905-ad43-ad751df42157">Re: Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks</a>:
    [QUOTE]Trust me....let this go.  Twenty years from now, you'll get together and laugh over the wedding photos. She'll cringe and wonder what the heck she was thinking.....you'll just be glad she was there - your dear friend - silly hair and all.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    This!
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    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-new-dreadlocks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e0fdd25e-e1e1-4b6c-9823-f47b0f900513Post:043d02bd-2dbe-4025-a757-3b635d202f20">Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi everyone.  I am 3 months from my wedding date and one of my bridesmaids just announced that she is getting dreadlocks!  She says they will be small but I am very worried.  We (myself, fiance, wedding party, and family) are all white.  I've NEVER seen dreads look good on a white person.  They have always looked messy and dirty.
    Posted by firemedic46[/QUOTE]
    What does the race of you or anyone else apart from the "offending" BM have to do with her hair and if it'll look on her?  I wonder if it has less to do with your worry about her dreadlocks looking messy and more to do with any culture shock you anticipate others at your wedding might feel.  Also, not so sure what mentioning having a size 24 MOH has to do with this particular issue.  I don't get why these things are important to you, so please enlighten me.

    Personally, I think that until you see how they look on her, you can't really judge how they'll look on her.  Neat dreadlocks -can- be achieved with Caucasian hair.  But even if that wasn't the case, I don't think this is a hill worth dying on.

    While etiquette-wise, it's okay to mandate hairstyles -if- you're paying for it, I would not advise you go this route for the sake of keeping your BM from having a style you disapprove of.  I liken this to having a tattoo or something.  This will be part of who she is simply because of the nature of the style.  Remember why you chose your friend to stand with you, don't look to micromanage her for the sake of some "vision" that doesn't really matter at the end of the day.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-new-dreadlocks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e0fdd25e-e1e1-4b6c-9823-f47b0f900513Post:66c46182-50b1-4138-ba39-05e3c894b464">Re: Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can you all honestly say that if you asked a friend with beautiful long hair all her life to be in your wedding and they all of a sudden decide they are going to wear dreads that you wouldn't be shocked?!  
    Posted by firemedic46[/QUOTE]

    <div>Actually, one my close college friends shaved her head just for kicks. Surprising? Yes, even when she said she was going to do it, I didn't think she would actually go through with it. Would I have told her to wait until after my wedding? No, not my hair, not my place. </div><div>
    </div><div>If you want to find styles for it, I suggest the google search engine. I just put in wedding dreadlocks and went into the images to see plenty of nice updos for dreadlocks. But definitely do not request your friend to wait until after the wedding, I'm sure she will not be very happy with <strong>you</strong> dictating<strong><em> her</em></strong> hair. </div>
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    Let it go. You should not be controlling how your BM's style their hair, just as on a daily basis, you don't tell them how to wear it. I wouldn't care if one of my BM's did that to her hair. I'm not even requiring them to get it professionally done and they can wear it any way they choose. You hopefully chose her for the kind of person she is and how good of a friend she is, not her looks. And "boasting" about having a size 24 MOH doesn't make you seem open-minded, but rather the opposite, since you even thought about her size and chose to make that comment.


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    I happen to know many "white girls" that have dreads.  They all suit them and look beautiful.  One is even wearing her hair in dreads for her own wedding because that is HER personal style. 

    If people take care of their dreads properly, they aren't messy knots in the persons hair.  And you can put them up and make them look great.

    You're acting bratty.  It's not about you when it comes to your BM's personal appearance. 
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    To answer your most recent question, I let all of my bridesmaids do what they wanted with their hair.  Some of them chose to go to the salon with me and have it done and some chose to do it themselves. 

    Don't worry about incorporating it.  You chose your friend to be a BM because she's one of your closet friends, not because she's one of your best looking friends.  Odds are she knows it's a fancy occasion and will figure something out on her own. 
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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-new-dreadlocks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e0fdd25e-e1e1-4b6c-9823-f47b0f900513Post:66c46182-50b1-4138-ba39-05e3c894b464">Re: Bridesmaid's new dreadlocks</a>:
    [QUOTE]Can you all honestly say that if you asked a friend with beautiful long hair all her life to be in your wedding and they all of a sudden decide they are going to wear dreads that you wouldn't be shocked?!  I suppose if she wants to sport a mess of knotty strands in a formal gown, so be it. I'm not going to kick her out. How do you style that though? Yes, the other girls were going to have up-dos.  And btw, I have a size 24 MOH.  I don't care about weight, I don't care if they cut their hair,<strong> I'm just reeling over how to incoporate this now.</strong>
    Posted by firemedic46[/QUOTE]


    You don't have to 'incorporate' anything.  Let them choose how to wear their own hair.  And also, dreads can still be made up to look formal

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