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Invite or don't invite??

Good Morning ladies! Ive been having this issue weighing on my mind & I figured I needed some unbiased opinions. Sorry so long bare with me yall....

I have a friend we'll call her Kim. Kim and I have been friends since we were 12 years old. We were thick as thieves, definitely best friends. We had too many similarities (even looked alike a bit & we both ended up having two daughters. We were very close.

Then around 2005 we started to drift apart. We went from doing everything together to basically going to one another kids b-day parties. She would plan stuff with a group of friends we shared but never call or invite me. In 2007 we had a long discussion about things over the phone. It was very emotional. We both shed some tears & told how we felt. It seemed like we were working things out. but it ended up we had not.

Deep in my heart I feel that I am the same person I've always been. I just matured which is suppose to happen the older we get. I don't go out to the club every weekend anymore because I started going before I was supposed to (she was right with me) and that kind of made me feel like been there done that. Kim still goes out every weekend or every other which is cool for her but its not my thing. School, work & family keep me pretty busy. It seems to me that Kim is not same person she was. She is pretty but in her mind she is a top model. Confidence is good but arrogance is not. The times that we were around each other after the phone call I never felt comfortable which is sad because this was my best friend. She kind of gives off this vibe that she is the sh*#.

Fast forward to August 2008. She sends me a text inviting me on this boat cruise that we have in the summer here. It would be the weekend before my birthday (Aug 29). I texted her back to tell her I wish I could come but I couldnt because at that time I was working 2 jobs and had to work the weekend.

About a month later she calls me up to ask me a question concerning calculating her rent(i work in property management)& she said "oh yeah I missed your birthday, You should have called me to see if I wanted to kick it for your birthday". I was like Is that right? She then told me that if I forgot her birthday she would be pissed and I would hear about it. Anybody who hasn't told her Happy Birthday by noon will get a call. Seriously??

After that we didnt speak to or see each other until June of last year. My BFF came in from Detroit. We all have known each other since we were 12. We went out to the club and we saw Kim in there. Not only did she barely acknowledge us when she did it was very nonchalant. My other friend who was with us said If yall been friends for years it sure didnt seem like it.

After that I didnt speak to her until June this year when we were talking on FB. She heard I was getting married and said make sure I send her an invite. We had a nice conversation and we said we missed each other. Im getting to the point lol!

So my sis is my MOH & she was planning my bridal shower. She wanted a list for invites & I inboxed her on FB to get her address and her mom's address for bridal shower & wedding invites.

She inboxed me to tell me that she received her bridal shower invite & that she was excited and would see me there. I was like okay. Maybe we will have some type of friendship again.

So the day of the bridal shower came. Guests started coming & we started playing games, etc... No Kim, or her mother. I never received a phone call saying I couldnt make it, sorry, anything. On top of that her mom wrote return to sender on her invite which was addressed to her with the correct address. She never even opened it to see what it was. Who does that? Last week she put up a stat on FB saying she was somewhere taking shots with the bride to be & she had a blast at the bachelorette party. I was like wow, but you couldnt say sorry I didnt make it and wev'e been friends for how long?

Question is, do I send her an invite to the wedding? Do I send her mom one? I love her just on the strength of how long wev'e known each other & how we used to be & her mom was always nice & her and my mom were cordial. I dont like the fact that it seems like she wants everyone to kiss her butt though. Sorry, im not in the a$$ kissing business. Thoughts?? Opinions?? Advice??
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Re: Invite or don't invite??

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    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't send the mom an invite since she returned the shower invite. As far as her invite I would send it but don't put too much hope into her coming. If she does GREAT, if she doesn't you will still be radiant on your day, and all the people who you love and call friend will be there to celebrate with you.

    My best friend and I (from middle school) aren't close at all anymore, but I sent her an invite anyway, so I understand where you are coming from.
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    edited December 2011
    Well...since you sent them shower invites it would be rude to not send wedding a wedding invitation.
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    edited December 2011

    Since you invited them to the shower, you should probably invite them to the wedding as well.  After that, just be done with it.  You did the right thing and the ball is now in their court. 

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    amberlynnedamberlynned member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_invite-dont-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:39421ffc-71a9-4211-b289-2ddf73e60d2fPost:10627903-2d7b-4f4b-ac32-21bcf7ee0192">Re: Invite or don't invite??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since you invited them to the shower, you should probably invite them to the wedding as well.  After that, just be done with it.  You did the right thing and the ball is now in their court. 
    Posted by raganw[/QUOTE]

    DITTO. You kind of have to invite them now, but just use this as the end effort from you. If they still don't show or are less than courteous, then erase them from your life. You've made enough efforts to rebuild those bridges. If it doesn't work out after this, you've got to start enjoying your new life!
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    edited December 2011

    Real talk ladies;-) I am going to send her & her mom an invite & look at it like they probably wont come anyway.  If she doesn't we will still have a beautiful wedding & I am marrying the man God sent to me.

     I would rather have no friends than a bunch of fake ones. People change & relationships do too.  I understand that. I will always have love for her but I will continue to do what I've been doing love her from afar.

    She wants it to always be about her and  REALfriendships dont work that way.

    Thanks for the advice :)

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