I don't know...(vent)

nilaniluv

So as I mentioned before Fi and I are still in school so we really don't have a lot of money. When Fi decided to get me my engagement ring we spent very little on a 1 ct tw 3 stone ring. I liked it at first but then when I started showing it to people I became extremely embarassed to the point where I don't wear it a lot. I know FI saved his hard earned money to buy me this ring and I should be thankful I just cannot take it when people give me that "ohh" or the "its soo small, so and so's ring is huge!" especially the SA people in my family. Its like everyone in our SA group is trying to out-do one another and I really don't have the money to "keep up with the Jones' " I mean if I wanted to do that I would be marrying a doctor or something like I bet they want me to. I don't want to tell FI this and hurt his feelings so I was thinking of either getting a ring guard with more little diamonds or a wrap just to make it a little more substantial. I am even looking up rings that I can't afford. I know I can upgrade later if I wanted to. I mean I am even considering going to India taking the stones out and making a whole new ring. I know he wouldn't care if I enhanced the ring but I know he would mind if I got a completely different one myself. I should just get over it right? I mean its what it symbolizes and not what others think right? ugh I can't believe I am actually sad about this...I feel so shallow.

katie978

yes, you have to get over it.  I know its hard.  This issue is one of the reasons I just really don't like engagement rings.  They are so similar that it is impossible not to compare them and notice what is bigger or smaller.  But the point is that anyone who comments on the size of your ring is tacky and rude.  its not your ring that is what's lacking, its the character of these people.you guys were lucky enough to meet and fall in love at an early stage in your life when you don't have the financial options you'll have later.  that is something to be thankful for, not embarrassed about.  do NOT risk damaging your relationship or hurting your FI's feelings by altering or not wearing your ring.  what could be more emasculating for him?  and that's not a good way to start a marriage.  be strong & mature & a bigger person than those who have commented on your ring.if you adjust your need to impress now, trust me it will make the wedding planning process much more enjoyable.  the whole thing is one big "I wish I could have ..."  And while its certainly ok to acknowledge those feelings, try your best to get over them because they really just detract from your happiness.sorry for getting bossy on you    I've certainly felt the way you do now at different points during this process & I just want to save you from it as much as possible!

Meghana55

well said katie!  ditto everything she said.  This is something that you should just get over.  Don't worry so much about what other people think.  I for one can't people people actually have the ballls to say that kind of stuff to you

nilaniluv

I know..I think I just needed that reassurance. I just hate that there is always a competition amongst SA families like whose wedding can out-do the others. I was completely fine with it until I got the reactions, it really just hurt my feelings. Even my mom wanted me to wear a fake bigger ring to show to the SA people but I couldn't do that. I never thought that one little piece of jewelry would be this big of a deal. Even when I look up rings online I see plenty of the same ring that I have in the same ct weight for a lot more than we paid. So its really weird because it seems standard but apparently it is too small because so and so's ring is like 2 or 3 cts of something I know they can't afford. Stupid competition that I don't want to be in.

dublintomadras

Your friends/family who have made these comments sound incredibly tacky and rude.  I know it sounds easier said than done, but you need to ignore them.  They suck.Focus on how smart your fiance is for not sinking himself into debt on a piece of jewelry (diamonds are not rare, do not appreciate in value over time and our desire for them is completely rooted in brilliant marketing by DeBeers).  As you get further along in your wedding planning, the engagement ring becomes less and less noteworthy, btw.  Fewer people are grabbing your hand to gawk at it.   P.S. I can't believe your mom wanted you to wear a fakey to imporess her family/friends!  That is Le Crazy.  Sorry, mom. 

wdc*bride

nilani - I'm so sorry to hear people are being so rude and tactless.  I really can't imagine.  But I totally agree that you have to get over it and love the one FI gave you.  I think you can be more proactive in shaming people who would try to put the ring down also.  Like, when they ask to see it, hold out your hand while saying "Isn't it the most beautiful ring ever?  It's exactly what I wanted."  That makes it harder for them to follow with a negative comment.  And if someone does say "so-and-so's was bigger," you say "I'm so glad my FI didn't spend so much money on a ring.  We're saving for ___.  FI is so responsible."  That's what I would do.  I wouldn't hold back from educating people that those sorts of comments are simply not okay.

mrs.khan

I second what wdc said.  The ring is a symbol of his love and promise to you and it sounds like he gave you his very best.  Does it really matter what they think?  Put them shame on them for being so shallow.

erin&andy

aww, I love you girls!  You've said exactly what I was thinking.  And Dublin - it's sooo true.  Debeers has done a really great job of make people lust after diamonds. Nilaniluv - it will get better.  And like you said, you loved the ring at first, but other people make it easy to doubt yourself.  Ignore them.  They are not worth your time, stress, and energy.  Life is too short to fret about whose ring is bigger.   It's hard, but with time (and armed with WDC's phrasing!) it will get better. And didn't you say the ring was 1 carat?  That's not exactly anything to scoff at. 

nilaniluv

I know girls, you really made me feel so much better!! Its 1 ct total weight so its like 3 smaller diamonds with 6 really small ones on the side. Which is funny because I thought that was normal. It's actually this one but the price is different since I know he got it on a sale: http://mytinyurl.net/7218ce After thinking about it for way to long I went to sephora today (got stuck in there trying everything when I only needed eyeliner haha) and the cashier had the same exact ring I had! and I asked to see what she paired it with because I noticed she had a completely different one on the same finger that didn't line up but it looked nice. Her actual engagement ring was a very simple anniversary ring and then the band was the 3 stone. She was like oh yours is just like mine! its so sparkly! So slowly but surely I am going to suck it up and just wear it in pride and just be like" F-it I do what I want!!!" and thats how this wedding is going to be nice and simple and I will pick and choose the traditions I want, when I want and if they don't like it then thats their problem! I feel like I just got an empowerment kick from you girls!

ego

Wow.  I think 1 ct. is big.  Mine is 0.6 ct and that's bigger than I requested.  I would never change the ring. It wouldn't hurt to change these friends!  Really, you shouldn't worry what the Jones' or the Patels are thinking in terms of the ring or anything else in your life.  You'll be a lot happier if you concentrate on yourselves rather than wasting money on stuff to impress these shallow people. 

dublintomadras

Ego, I am totally LOLing at keeping up with the Patels!  And yep, my diamond is half a carat.  Bigger stones looked ginormous on me (although I'm not a dainty lady, I have freakishly small hands).  Also, my hubs saved up for months and paid cash for my bling.  I love that.  But I'm not a super girlie-girl and am kind of anti-diamond, so that's what works for me and us. 

katie978

D2M, love that your husband paid cash!  That's my kinda romance    My ring was FI's mom's ... I love the gesture and that it was Free!

nilaniluv

yeah see thats what I thought! 1 ct is big when its just one diamond but i guess when you break it down to smaller ones to make it a total weight it looks smaller? I think they are just comparing it to another family friends 2 or 3 ct gigantic one. I try to stay away from them as much as possible but since we have no blood relatives in the US they are the only people my family has that are from the same area. But yeah, I am happy with it now, I will just add a wedding band to it later and call it a day. Also I do a lot of painting and if I had a big one I would have to take it off a lot so its more practical too. hahah keeping up with the patels- classic! You guys are really the best

Nicole Krish...

Obviously these girls are awesome, and I agree with EVERY piece of advice they gave! I just wanted to add that when/if someone says "So-and-so's ring is bigger." You should say, "Unfortunately for you, you can't measure love by the size of the diamond. FI & I are planning for a lifetime together, not a piece of jewelry. This is exactly what I want, and I couldn't be happier to be marrying my soulmate!" Wear your ring with pride. The only way you will shut them all down is by standing up for yourself. If you let them belittle you, you're reinforcing that only a huge rock is acceptable. Now go give your FI a big, wet kiss!!

ego

Ha. My non-Indian friends had just started using the phrase "keeping up with the Patels" because they live in a townhouse in San Jose and all their neighbors are Indian.