Canada

Stag and doe's...

Sparked from a recent discussion on the Budget brides board.  Is it "rude" to have a Stag an Doe party hosted for the B&G in their honor and then the money generated from it given to the B&G? (Which is the whole point of a stag and doe)
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Re: Stag and doe's...

  • This is a regional thing.

    I'm from Manitoba, where we have socials. The funds raised go to the B&G. I am not against them at all. They are the funnest events ever, plus, for us, it's just as traditional as having a bridal shower.

    However, I fully understand why people from outside the region call them tacky, and I would think it's tacky to happen in regions where it's not common.
  • I just wanted to say you did an excellent job on that other thread trying to defend the original poster.  Some girls on the other boards (etiquette esp), are vicious.  I posted about something last week, also trying to defend someone, and was torn to shreds.  So I think I'm over doing that!  I mean, I'm American and my husband is Canadian, and there are just certain things that are done differently in Canada, and while they would be lambasted in the US, there it's just not a big deal.  You are braver than I!

    It's sad that the some Americans feel like if it's different, it's wrong. (See our political blunders as an example). But that's exactly why I like reading all these posts!  To learn about what people do in other countries or other parts of the country and be introduced to other cultures and get ideas.  I think by far, the Canadian boards are much friendlier :)  

    And for the record, I grew up in southern California, and we never had anything like a dollar dance at weddings.  But when I lived in the midwest, it was a tradition and happened at almost every wedding I went to there.  I think people saw it more as giving the bride and groom some money to start out their new life with, especially since presumably the B and G (and/or their families) just spent a bunch of money on a wedding for their guests.  No one sees it as being greedy.  Anyway, those are my thoughts.   
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  • MadisonpennyMadisonpenny member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited February 2012
    Well thank you. It's nice to see that even people from across the border can see my point.  That not everything is done exactly the same way in every country or in every part of that country for that matter.
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  • In my own personal opinion I think they are rude. But that could be as I have never had a good experience at one. But I would never judge someone for having one. The boards can get really nasty, especially when as PP said it's something different from normal.
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  • I'd never heard of stag and does (or dollar dances, since that was brought up) before the Knot.  I'm from Saskatchewan.

    Honestly, they seem odd to me.  I do think it's strange to have an event to raise money for your wedding.  I don't  think it's exactly a money making cause.

    I have recently heard that they are more popular in some parts of Ontario, based on the one person I actually know from there, lol.  So, whatever.  It doesn't affect me at all.
  • They are really common in my area, and I consider them rude and tacky.  Everyone on earth is invited to them, so you are asking people who aren't even invited to your wedding to fund it.  I think it's horrible.  I don't attend them when invited either. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada_stag-and-does?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:46Discussion:2bf09bac-ac87-4252-858e-85ab67f04c8dPost:a32d5545-9aaa-4942-8e54-4400164f8ad2">Re: Stag and doe's...</a>:
    [QUOTE]They are really common in my area, and I consider them rude and tacky.  Everyone on earth is invited to them, so you are asking people who aren't even invited to your wedding to fund it.  I think it's horrible.  I don't attend them when invited either. 
    Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

    I second this.
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  • They're expected where I'm from. FI and I don't really care if we have one, but everyone we talk to wants to know if we are and wants to come (seriously - they're that popular). So...we'll probably have one. I don't consider it rude, but I do think it's kind of silly and I don't love going to them. 
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  • I love going to socials. Love it. But when I'm in rural Manitoba and there isn't much to do. When I lived in Winnipeg I never went to socials.

    As I get older, I limit the ones I go to. Now I'll only go to a close friend/family's party. I refuse to go if the couple is already married. Refuse. And don't kid yourselves, it's quite common.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada_stag-and-does?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:46Discussion:2bf09bac-ac87-4252-858e-85ab67f04c8dPost:3a138162-76e1-47a4-9d8b-2127608a7bfd">Re: Stag and doe's...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I love going to socials. Love it. But when I'm in rural Manitoba and there isn't much to do. When I lived in Winnipeg I never went to socials. As I get older, I limit the ones I go to. Now I'll only go to a close friend/family's party. <strong>I refuse to go if the couple is already married. Refuse. And don't kid yourselves, it's quite common.
    </strong>Posted by funandfreckles[/QUOTE]

    Yeah I'm from Manitoba too and unfortunately this actually happens. I refuse to go to socials unless they are fundraising for an actual cause.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada_stag-and-does?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:46Discussion:2bf09bac-ac87-4252-858e-85ab67f04c8dPost:3a138162-76e1-47a4-9d8b-2127608a7bfd">Re: Stag and doe's...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I love going to socials.</strong> Love it. But when I'm in rural Manitoba and there isn't much to do. When I lived in Winnipeg I never went to socials. As I get older, I limit the ones I go to. Now I'll only go to a close friend/family's party. I refuse to go if the couple is already married. Refuse. And don't kid yourselves, it's quite common.
    Posted by funandfreckles[/QUOTE]

    <div>I am not from the city either & i love them. They are so much funner & cheaper than a bar. I don't know one single person who dislikes them where i live. </div><div>
    To each their own. I totally believe unless you are truely being a douche/hurting your guests or anything like that then who am i to tell you the stuff you do is wrong? I know nothing about the dollar dance but i am not going to go bashing someone who is from an area that is accustomed to it. If you don't like it, don't attend, simple as that. </div>
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  • Im in vancouver and have never heard of them till TK. While I think the other boards do tend to get overly concerned about what they personally find offensive ( I have been told that I assume everyone thinks the way I do....wait Im being told this by 100 people who are tearing someones idea apart???? riiiight) and not what is cultural or commen in various circles. If I were to be invited to one I wouldnt go, but I am activily involved in many non-profits and make it a habit to help people in need. I simply do not see someones wedding being more worthy of fundraising then kids who are living on the street, persons with special needs not finding affordable housing, animals becoming extinct etc. I give a lot, and giving to a wedding does offend me in the sence that you are raising money for a purly material little girl dream, I would rather donate my dress to someone who wont have a dress then give money so someone can get a more expensive dress that they cant afford on thier own. There are ways to do weddings cheap and still nice, so I disagree with the concept. Having said all that I would never hold it against someone that they are a rude person by having one, just my personal moral convictions do not allow me to fund someones material wants when so much of the world has unmet needs.

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  • catwinecatwine member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    I'm from Ontario (Peterborough) and they're super common adn almost expected here.  I feel like it's in poor taste because I'm not comfortable asking my friends for money. Plus, I'm not a dancer or really a drinker and what else is there to do at a stag and doe? I've never been to one becuase it;s not appealing to me.

     but i don't think poorly of people who do throw them or attend them...it;s just not my style.

    My fiance and I are lucky to have our parents paying for everything wedding related so it wouldn't make sense for us to have one.  Somone told me we can use the money we get to pay them back but then it's like my friends paid for my wedding.  Plus, $6000 for a wedding split between 3 families isn't much at all.
  • Im from Ontario, small town and almost everyone around here has a stag and doe. They are awsome, so much fun. I grew up in a town of 900 ppl and know almost everyone. Of course not all these ppl can come to my wedding but they love to show thier support for the bride an groom and come out to celedrate in a pre wedding event. I have never even considered them rude, if ppl dont want to go, they don't plain: and simple.  Everyone around here loves a good party anyway, even ppl from neighboring towns come out. People understand the cost of weddings and have no probelm helping raise some money, they are having a great time doing it anyway. Some people actaully enjoy helping out othrs ppl, Iv been to many stag and does myself
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada_stag-and-does?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:46Discussion:2bf09bac-ac87-4252-858e-85ab67f04c8dPost:14cf9ce5-e280-4cbb-b3db-cdef33b78c06">Re: Stag and doe's...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stag and doe's... : I second this.
    Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]

    That is actually a really good point and I hadn't thought about it.
  • I personally do not like Stag and Does, though some people where I am have them. I know there are some parts of Ontario where they are quite expected. I go by the idea that if you can't afford the wedding, then the wedding should be adjusted. These people are going to get you a gift so why make them also give you money before the wedding? Thats just my opinion.

    I was in a bridal party of someone who had one and the bridal party had to buy all the prizes. Therefore not only did I have to buy a ticket and play games to give money to the couple but I had to pay for one of the prizes that other people won. It was just greedy in my opinion which is why I am not having one. It is a personal choice.

    I totally understand that it is accepted in many places, I just am refusing to continue that tradition. The amount of gift giving has gotten out of control as I see it. How many  parties do I need to celebrate my wedding? It makes me uncomfortable.
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