Circus Ol'Drama

Future Mrs Glatz

That's what this wedding has been named.

Ugh. I just don't know what to do anymore!

It's started at the beginning of this year when the FMIL and FFIL split up. If we invited his dad then his mother and her family were not coming to the wedding.
Then in March my brother's wife was talking about me and my FH in a bar to my MOH who has been my best friend since gradeschool. This made my FH really mad and doesn't want to invite them to the wedding. (She was talking about my brother and her not being in the wedding and how it didn't matter because me and FH would never last anyway)
So just a couple months ago one of my cousins split up with his wife of 15 years. I still want to invite her to the wedding. We were good friends and he left her for another woman. If I invite her, half of my family won't come.
Then last month my only grandmother and I got into a hugh fight about a house I use to live in and I am to the point where I don't want to talk to her anymore.
Our wedding is August 7th and because of all this drama I have held off mailing out invitations. Well... Monday, I HAVE to get them mailed out. My parents told me to just invite who I want to and to hell with them. If they want to come they will come, if not, it's probably best.
As of this moment, I want to invite FH's dad. We just moved to a new house and he's done alot for us. We have over an acher of land and we only have a push mower. He'll come out during the day and mow a little while we are at work. When my washing machine broke while he was visitng, he showed up the next day with a new one. When he hasn't talked to us for awhile, he'll call just to 'check-in' and make sure we are all okay. No one else does that.
As far as my brother and sister-n-law, I'm over it. I think she was just a little hurt that she wasn't included in the wedding and was just venting.
I don't want to cause a feud with either family, but I think no matter what I do it's going to cause some kind of drama with someone.
So... what would you do? Should I just invite whom I want and hope for the best? Should I follow the wishes of FH's mom and half of my family? Ugh! I'm so ready for this wedding to be over. We've been trying to get married for about 5 years now. We are doing it this time no matter what. It's the after part I'm now worrying about!

Thanks for listening!

qwerty777

I think if you want them there, you should invite them. If they can't be adults and play nice for one night, than that is their own problem and you shouldn't have to worry about it. At least this way it is them being childish by not showing up, instead of you ruining your relationships by not inviting them to begin with.

Paulo's Menina Bela

Your parents are right. Invite who you want. If certain people choose not to attend because they don't like the guest list. That's their prerogative.

TheDuckis

Almost everyone in this situation--including you--is wrong. Your mom is right, however. Invite everyone and let them hash it out amongst themselves. You're inviting drama by entertaining demands and picking guests based on who's done the most for you.

Also, if someone as close to me as my sister-in-law made a comment about not thinking my H and I would last, I'd give a serious look to my own relationship. A lot of times outsiders see red flags that people in the relationship are blind to.

Stormes

So sorry you are having to deal with all the drama. 

Definitely invite who you want. 

If people are being particularly awful about it and are important to you, let them know you love them and want them to share in your day and hope they will come celebrate with you, regardless of guests feelings towards each other.  And maybe reassure them that you aren't going to make them sit together or pose together for pictures.  They will be the ones to regret it if they can't be mature enough to put aside squabbles, but you may regret not inviting whomever you want.

JoyTate1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_circus-oldrama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:72a74f16-a54a-4e1f-8475-3cebff8ad82fPost:2a32c85e-fd1f-40f7-9f76-acb5ba6bcf98">Re: Circus Ol'Drama</a>:
[QUOTE] Also, if someone as close to me as my sister-in-law made a comment about not thinking my H and I would last, I'd give a serious look to my own relationship. A lot of times outsiders see red flags that people in the relationship are blind to.
Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE]
I guess that depends on whether or not OP is close to her SIL.  I have a BIL who thinks any relationship I have will fail.  He thinks that because I wear makeup and am not into sports that I must be selfish and could make no man happy.  He is like this with everyone in our family.  The only one that likes him is my sister.  However, if it was my OTHER BIL I would definitely look into my relationship.  He knows me and loves me and would never say anything like that unless it was a legitimate fear.<div>
</div><div>I would invite who you want.  They are all adults.  My FMIL and FFIL have been divorced for over 25 years and cannot stand each other.  They are both coming to the wedding and holding their tongues.  It's what adults do for the ones they love.</div>

Future Mrs Glatz

My brother and I were close during his first marriage. Then when he got divorced, We  were inseperable. Until wife number 2. Then I never saw him and never talked to him unless it was a family holiday. No big deal for me. I missed him, but she had kids and he didn't so he took a new job and our schedules did not go well together at all. Then he got divorced again. This time around I had kids and was in a rock relationship. I couldn't get him away from me if I tried. I'd go out to the bar with him when I could or he'd just be hanging out at the house. Then he got married again. I like his wife and I thought we had an alright relationship. They don't have any kids. I do. I have 2 and my FI has one which lives with us. I work all day and he works all night and then they go to the bar... almost everynight. They use to hound us all the time to go out with them, but that's not something the FI and I do. The kids are older now and involved in this and that and with work I'm busy. It's not that I don't have time at night, but because I drink like maybe once a year, I don't have the time to spare the next day to pay for being out all night, regardless if I drink or not. They think that FI won't let me go out.  That is not the case and although I've told them, they don't believe it. The worst part about SIL is that I've never said anything bad about them or their lifestyle, although I could. She thinks that FI chooses my lifestyle, but she doesn't relaize that the kids are our lifestyle! lol.. we don't get to pick what we do, and we don't mind it. We enjoy our kids and the activites they are involved in.

And I didn't mean I wanted to invite my FFIL because of the stuff he's done for us. I just ment that he's a really nice guy who cares about us and I want to invite him. How can I not invite someone so close to us to please 45 other people? He has caused many problems in the family and when not on meds can be pretty mental, I just don't think he'd do anything at the wedding but be his normal caring loving self.

Ugh... Sat is the day... once they are stamped they are going out! lol.. it stills stresses me out though. I've always been the one to worry about upsetting the people I care about.