I don't want to have the wedding anymore :(

livelifelarge24

My fiance and I got engaged on a Friday night and after spending the night out celebrating and in a blissfull coma, the next morning reality hit. I woke him up in a panic and begged him to elope with me. I don't deal with stress well or being the center of attention and was afraid that I would spend the last few months (or longer) before the wedding as a total wreck. Although I felt this way and both of my parents told him that would be the case and we should do something small and elope, he and his parents kind of "won" on the whole thing. A traditional big wedding is really imiportant to all of them and I think its sweet of him so I have tried to honor that. 

Over the past year of our engagement I have gotten very excited about the actual planning. I got the dress of my dreams, picked out colors and music that I love, etc. I do get very excited about it. But for every happy excited feelig there is also complete fear - being the center of attention on that day and dealing with everyones own agendas and opinions. The main issue for me has been everyone involved has their own opinions and desires and its seems to be all about them. I have let bridesmaids, family, friends steamroll right over me and upset me, all the while keeping my mouth shut because I'm so afraid of being labeled a "bridezilla". Meanwhile EVERYTHING has gone wrong! We lost our cake person, our caterer, and our venue at the last minute. There have been 3 bridesmaid changes, and the list goes on. Through all of this I have just rolled with it. The bachelorett partty became a disaster as everyone was bickering and yelling and nobody seemed to be happy or get along. At this point I did snap at one  that it didn't matter WHAT we did as long as we were all together and having fun, at which point my mother screamed at me that I was being a bridezilla. My maid of honor told ond of the bridesmaids that she is thinking about just backing ou tof the weddin altogether. She has done nothing but talk crap about me but only behind my back and when I have asked her about this she swears she is perfectly happy and not saying anyting. 

Here I am totally hiding in my shell now. Everything has gone wrong and I am just so worried about what everyone thinks of me and the decisisions we are making. That's the big problem - I care so much about what people think and feel because I CARE about these people. I have dealt with all of the other stresses just fine... losing the venue cost us thousands of dollars and that's a whole other story in itself but we found a friends yard to get married in. We found a friend to do the food for us. We're making it happen. But the people part, that's what i can't deal with. i don't want to spend the next four weeks misreable with nightmares and diarrhea like I have been the last few days. And I don't want to snap or lose it and cry or yell at anyone and be a "bridezilla." I just don't know what to do anymore. And if one more person tells me "It's not about them, this is about you and him, its YOUR special day, who cares what anybody else says," I'm going to scream. Yes it is SUPPOSED to be about me and him but its totally not at all. Its about everyone, both families, all the friends, the bridal parties. If you want it to be about just you and him then I feel you should run off and elope (like I wanted to) otherwise you really do need to take everyone else into account. 

jazzypoor3

Im with you on the its about the family and friends becouse if its not you would be just eloping but when the people strees you out think about the fact that the wedding is not the end just the start of your life with him. I have a tiwn sister that is a consent down to my wedding plans as she is scard of lossing me keep quit when its not impotan but you had every right to say you want the fight to stop and the fun to start

id012

Am I right that you are getting married in 4 weeks?

Im so sorry your going through this..Its really stressful to plan a wedding and then having your friends and family think that they have a say in everything. Its like why cant everyone just slap on a smile, tell me my ideas are great, all get a long and call it a day! lol.

Try to let it go, try to just imagine your self the day after the wedding, you will be married to your best friend and all of this will be behind you. At least you dont have a year of this left right?

We have a 1 year old and when he was a infant (and still now) when he would be up crying all.night.long I was just tell my self "this too is just a phase" because it is. (hes a great sleeper now lol). Anyway, my point is, this will all soon be over, just try to keep teling your self that. Keep your head up and push through! Try to enjoy the next couple of weeks, and maybe try to have an outlet for all the stress.. if you excersize? garden? swim? Something for just you1

Heffalump

I don't think this is about the wedding--this is about you denying your own needs in order to please others.  I'm concerned that you describe your FI--and his parents (!)--as having "won."  A wedding is not a win/lose proposition--there should be plenty of room for compromise.  If it's a winner-take-all dynamic, then you and your FI have to work on that before you worry about the wedding itself.

I know you say you care about other people, but at the end of the day, you're not responsible for their happiness.  Sure, there are things that everyone does in order to be a considerate hostess, but you're never going to please everyone, and trying to is causing you enough stress that you're sick.  You need to stop.

I'm also curious about losing three bridesmaids and the MOH possibly backing out.  Either you have really flaky friends, or there are bigger issues here.