I'm trying really hard

6fsn

I really am trying to be positive about my ILs.  So I keep repeating "They love my kids."

MIL asked if she and sFIL could come visit today.  It's not convenient.  I am missing out on looking at houses today.  We just stayed with them at Thanksgiving.  While we were there, MIL thought it more important to shop and sit in her room watching a movie.  sFIL left Thanksgiving at MIL's parents to go home a watch a game.  A game that was on at the granparent's house.

"They love my kids."

I invited them for Christmas knowing full I would not be make our traditional meal. 

"They love my kids."

ETA: The only thing I asked was a timeline for today.  When are they coming and how long are they staying.  I got an e-mail from MIL this morning.  They are also bringing the darn dog.

"They love my kids."
"They love my kids."
"They love my kids."
"They love my kids."
"They love my kids."
"They love my kids."
"They love my kids."
"They love my kids."

mrsconn23

Why didn't you tell them it's not convenient to come today? 

krizzo17

Can you use it as free babysitting time? That way you don't feel awkward around them, your kids get time with their family, and you get errands done.

6fsn

I did tell them it wasn't the best time, but in the end I'm a push over and don't want to keep my kids from their grandparents.  As much as I don't like them, my kids love their grandparents so I'm doing it for them.

Krizzo- I don't trust them with my kids.  Neither of them can move quickly or get on the floor.  Kind of important with an active 9 month old.

*Barbie*

you need to just say no.

"sorry, today doesn't work for me - i already have plans. maybe we can get together on date/time."

it's not "keeping the kids from their grandparents" if you say no because you have plans/they gave no notice.you're not a bad person for not catering to their every whim. 

also, they're bringing the dog to the house you are trying to sell - are you crazy?  

GBCK

eh, they love your kids when it's convieient for THEM.

NOLABridesmaid

Are they in the same city as you?

6fsn

They live 2 hrs away.  sFIL does not normally have weekdays off so they don't normally come together through the week.  MIL asked about the visit awhile ago, but never gave a timeline until this morning.

The topic for moms' group and one of the reaedings at Church was about patience.  I figured that was my sign from God to work on my severe lack of it. 

MinM

What kind of dog do they have?

6fsn

It's a spaniel.  She's a pretty well behaved dog, I just don't know why she needs to come.

nicoleg1982

Someone in your damn life needs to start preaching about backbones.

GBCK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_im-trying-really-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:fc7e26e2-de43-4706-8d8b-3b7b2d8eec80Post:ce7fef5d-2ee3-452d-82df-9cc0de4c8c3e">Re: I'm trying really hard</a>:
[QUOTE]Someone in your damn life needs to start preaching about backbones.
Posted by nicoleg1982[/QUOTE]

<div>AMEN.</div><div>
</div><div>And don't you know the old joke goes that one should always use care in praying for patience or humility?</div>

MinM

Well, Jake is part of the family and if we were going to visit family a few hours away, I'd want to bring him. He loves going for rides in the car and going to different places.

6fsn

I'm not a big fan of dogs though.  I have to be careful about petting the dog then touching my eyes.  I'm even less of a fan of dogs on my furniture and shitting in my yard (they don't clean up).  That isn't the dog's fault though. 

MinM

They should clean up after the dog. That is rude.

I hope your SS gets you a backbone.

6fsn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_im-trying-really-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:fc7e26e2-de43-4706-8d8b-3b7b2d8eec80Post:79ab00cf-b4c2-4f4b-b979-782187d837f5">Re: I'm trying really hard</a>:
[QUOTE]They should clean up after the dog. That is rude. I hope your SS gets you a backbone.
Posted by MinM[/QUOTE]

I don't do SS!!!!  I do have a backbone with other things :(

NOLABridesmaid

6, I wouldn't want someone to bring their dog to my house all the time either, so I understand that one.

Just put it in your head that the next time they ask, and it's a bad time you reschedule to a time that is better for you. Patience is something that we all need to work on, but it is also ok to say no too.

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_im-trying-really-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:fc7e26e2-de43-4706-8d8b-3b7b2d8eec80Post:5ea8ed79-38a1-4828-8752-829d3d05e591">Re: I'm trying really hard</a>:
[QUOTE]They live 2 hrs away.  sFIL does not normally have weekdays off so they don't normally come together through the week. <strong> MIL asked about the visit awhile ago, but never gave a timeline until this morning.</strong> The topic for moms' group and one of the reaedings at Church was about patience.  I figured that was my sign from God to work on my severe lack of it. 
Posted by 6fsn[/QUOTE]

Based on this, I'd say you're a bit in the wrong here too.

If you didn't have plans when she asked, and agreed to the visit then, then those were your plans for today, not looking at houses. You know that ILs are flaky about making plans, so you should have asked her last week to finalize the plans for today.

yes, it's not cool for her to wait until the last minute to give you her timeline, but it's not as if you didn't know in advance that she was planning to come over today.

I don't think she should be bringing the dog to your house. sure, our dogs like going for car rides, and seeing my parents/ILs, but even when we lived much closer, we normally left them at home. we also cleaned up after them, brought crates for them, and didn't take them to see folks who were allergic or trying to sell their homes.