Cocktail/H'D reception question

kristianeyler

If I'm not having a formal sit down dinner, but just a cocktail/ heavy h'd (with some stations) reception, do you think its would be necessary for formal seating? with place cards? or would it be ok to just have people sit where they choose/ if they choose to sit at all? btw, there will be a dancing area and we are doing an iPod reception to save on cost.

danieliza1127

As long as you have tables and chairs for all, open seating is fine.  People will want to sit to eat.  We had a heavy hors d'oeurves reception with open seating.

LesPaul

ditto - heavy h'd with open seating.  I don't like to assign the seating, as I have been on the receiving end of a couple of awkward experiences. 

trix1223

You have to have a seat for everyone.  And I prefer assigned seating, as it gives people a "home" base.  They may not (p9orbably won't) sit there all evening, but at least they know that they have someplace to sit down if they want.  And that they have someplace to leave a wrap, a bag, a camera, etc. And that the seating is preferably with someone that they know already.

mbcdefg

If I were a guest at your wedding, I would think this was fine, as long as I was assured of getting a seat* and if there was a table neabry where I could rest my drink and plate. * In other words, at least as many chairs as people, if not more. I don't care if I wind up moving around as long as I'm not forced to stand due to lack of chairs. Maybe you could mix it up and do traditional tables & chairs; high cocktail tables with stools; lounge furniture with coffee tables; etc.

MOBinFL2008

ditto Trix

amymoidl

We are having a cocktail-syle reception...with food stations for people to knibble at if and when they want.  It is a cocktail-style reception...what do you do at cocktail hours and cocktail parties?   Have you ever been to a cocktail party where they had seating for everyone?  You sit/stand and mingle.We are not having assigned seating NOR are we having enough seating for EVERYONE to sit at a table.  We are having about 10 round banquet tables, which will have enough seating for about 60% of our guest list and then we are having about 10 bistro tables and a few pieces of lounge furniture.  We are doing this b/c we want to get the reception/dancing started right away....we don't want people stationary.  We are, however, having a few tables reserved for the older generation (who would not be comfortable with having a seat to call their own) in our families and their friends.   I think the name says it all:  Cocktail-Style Reception.  I do not think you need assigned seating nor do you need seating for all.

danieliza1127

I disagree with Amy just in that the majority of your guests are going to want a "home" base.  Somewhere to set a purse, drink, wrap, whatever.  It's a pain to try to juggle your drink, plate, silverware, wearing a dress and heels and carrying a purse and maybe a sweater or wrap.  Also, if you only have limited seating, people will snatch up those seats and then stay put all night so they don't lose them.  The good thing with Amy's idea is at least she has cocktail tables and lounge seating, that's better than nothing at all.

amymoidl

It's definitely something that most people aren't used to.  But, if I look back at all the weddings I've been to, when the formal dinner is done and the dancing starts...people migrate toward the dance floor (where we will have 7/10 bistro tables set up) and start putting their things down around there, tables get cleared.  I can recall always looking back and just seeing a sea of empty tables toward the back of the hall.So, if you are doing away with the formal dinner part, and jumping right into the cocktail/dancing part....I mean seriously, normally h'd are served at a cocktail hour and you are always just standing around with bistro tables and talking with people....The Cocktail-style reception that you see happening these days is just like having a prolonged cocktail hour with the dancing infused.  Usually these receptions get started later (we aren't even having our ceremony start until around  7:00 so guests can have a real dinner before coming).It's definitely not traditional, but you will start seeing a lot more of these types of receptions b/c it allows you to cut down on $/pp for meals, linens, chair/table rentals, etc.

danieliza1127

Amy, we had a heavy hors d'oeuvres reception, so yeah I get it.  We still had tables and chairs for everyone though.  Our ceremony was at 6pm, cocktail hour afterwards, followed by reception that started at 7:30pm.  We didn't have many dancers so a lot of our tables were still being used throughout the night.  Everyone's crowd is different though, it's all your preference. 

mbcdefg

Taking away people's seats isn't going to force them into mingling. It's going to piss them off. I'm much more likely to get up and mingle/dance/try other food stations if I know I have a seat to come back to. If I think I have a chance of losing my seat, I'm more likely to stay glued to it all night to ensure that I won't have to stand there with a clutch purse and a drink and a plate of food in my hand and try to balance it properly (all while shifting my weight around uncomfortably because I'm wearing heels).

kristianeyler

Thanks for all the input!!

amymoidl

I don't think there is one way to do things.  There are people who will insist on assigned seating, seating for everyone, not mind cocktail style seating, insist on a full dinner, etc.  Everyone is different and every wedding is different.  My FMIL cannot believe we are only offering heavy H'Ds!These are forums to offer insight and give advice about how you are doing/have done things...to allow people to consider things they haven't thought of before.It is not a place to tell people they are rude because they are not doing things the way you did them.  Please refrain.

danieliza1127

Amy, if you're allowed to give your opinion, we're allowed to give ours.  You're exactly right, it's a forum to offer insight and some of us were just telling her the way some of her guests might view not having a seat.  As the moderator of the board, I don't think any lines were crossed here and don't really appreciate the last line of your last post.  No one was being rude, we were just sharing our experiences and opinions, just like you did.

amymoidl

I'm done after this.  The post before mine said, "It is rude not to offer seating to everyone!"  That is what I was referring to.  I want you to give your opinion and I never told you or anyone that commented that what you were doing was wrong or rude or whatever.

banana468

There are certain things that you don't have to do.Not having a seat for every guests is not one of them.  You don't need to have huge tables but EVERY guest must have a chair.You don't have to agree with that practice but you'll find that many people believe that those who do not have a seat for each guest are considered to be rude by their guests.When you have plenty of seats, guests have a home base and they leave their belongings on a chair and mingle.  When there are not enough seats, guests pounce on the available seats and refuse to move.  It makes others uncomfortable to have to stand for the majority of the time with no place to take a load off their feet.

mbcdefg

I do not think you need assigned seating nor do you need seating for all. Well, isn't that akin to someone saying, "[I think] it's rude NOT to provide seats for everyone"? (Because the "I think" is implied when someone says what they feel about a situation.) So it's not fair of you to say that people aren't allowed to disagree with your way of thinking and even call it rude. There are people out there who feel it's not rude at all to, say, not send thank you notes after their wedding. It doesn't make it any less rude just because that's the way one person feels about it. I also think that the replies to a question like this can be helpful because they represent the opinions of your average wedding guest. So even though you may have some wedding guests who are 100% fine with not having a seat for the evening, you will likely have some others who would be mad about it. The difference between this post and a wedding is that nobody at a wedding (with proper manners, anyway) would tell the bride/groom that they felt it was rude not to provide seats for everyone. Frankly, if I had an idea that others felt was bad or rude, I'd rather hear about it here from strangers 7 months before my wedding, rather than hear it whispered through the grapevine a week or two after my wedding.

kristianeyler

mbcdefg --> thanks! i agree. I would rather know about it now, then 2 weeks after when people are telling me how awful my decision was or was not. Thank you!

Lasairiona

An appetizer reception is intended to be a mingling environment so there is no need for formal seating with placecards and such because it defeats the entire purpose of why an appetizer reception was chosen. However, you must have tables and chairs for everyone in attendance, otherwise you will have people leave early.

tonyaj1

we are having a outdoor reception under a tent but to dave money we are only having enought seating for 60 people although we have invited 72.  we will alos have the patio which will have seats but not tables.  i was worried but not i feel beter about it.  i agree with the mingle theory.  that's why we are having ours like i stated with buffet style reception.This so saves money on lots of things.

amymoidl

@Stage -->  I think she probably has figured out how much money she is saving by not having 72 chairs, and has made an informed decision accordingly!  How do you even know how much each of her chairs are?  She could be renting chivari chairs which can run as much as $10/each! 

Lasairiona

Interesting observation but I was reading another site that posted this same question and the consensus there was that limited seating is the only way to go and that having or expecting tables and chairs for every guest is bridezilla behavior, which makes no sense to me, because that is part of being a proper hostess. But you can't please some people obviously.

amymoidl

@Lasair-->Were you reading a similar post on weddingbee.com? I read a similar post on there this weekend and it is amazing how different the opinions are!  I've come to the conclusion that getting your advice from theknot is like getting your news from FoxNews, while other boards (weddingbee) is like getting it from CNN!

Lasairiona

Yes that was the one. I agree about the vast differences.

amymoidl

Stage-->  You are missing my point (and I am aware of the 12 chair difference, I simply said she is not having 72 b/c she's having 60).My point is that you have stated your opinion in pp, leave it.  Why do you feel the need to try to cut down other people's decisions/weddings?  I'm sure if anyone wanted they could go find ways to cut down your wedding and call you rude or whatever, but we are not.  I don't know why I feel the need to stand up to some of you knot bullies, but I'm getting sick of reading posts where a few knotties go a little too far.  It's making me not want to even post on here for advice.

banana468

Some people feel strongly about being nice to their guests and feel that not having seats for even a few is 'going a bit too far'.If you don't like that advice, just ignore it.