Wedding Reception Forum

Question Answered...thank you!! How to retract an invitation if they don't respond by the RSVP date.

Thank you everyone, that helped so much!! Now on to the next thing... actually ordering and sending out my invitations :)


original message: Hi I need help. I'm so excited to have my wedding on a rooftop terrace that overlooks the Laurel Mountains, and then a grand reception in a ballroom not far away. But I have a question regarding rsvps. I was wondering if there is a nice way to say "If you do not respond by the appropriate time given on the RSVP card, or if you don't respond at all, then you are no longer invited"?  I know that sonuds harsh, but a lot of our guests are college students that are known to do things last minute, and honestly I can't afford that. As well, my friend recently had her wedding and out of 350 invitations only 178 responded...BUT EVERYONE SHE INVITED SHOWED UP ANYWAYS!!! And then she was so stressed out, and it made them go way over their budget. I need to know exactly whom is coming, because this is the most expensive thing I have ever paid for (it costs more than my car and college tuition combined, thanks to help from my future hubby and my stepfather). But like I said I can't afford to add on extra tables right before the reception. Nor can my mind deal with that, since I'm a naturally stressed person.

 Please Help!!

Re: Question Answered...thank you!! How to retract an invitation if they don't respond by the RSVP date.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_retract-invitation-dont-respond-rsvp-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b41d6513-a465-428a-b1af-a9884570f8a5Post:cd968be4-2090-448c-b499-0a21904e0997">Re: How to retract an invitation if they don't respond by the RSVP date.</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you do not receive a response from someone whom you invited, then it is up to you to telephone them and ask if they are attending.  You cannot retract an invitation, unless the wedding is cancelled. Never, ever invite more people than you can entertain.  Assume 100% attendance.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    <div>this. There is no such thing as not knowing if someone is coming. Just let them know that you need a definite answer.</div>
    "So what? So it's not going to be easy. It's gonna be hard.
    Really hard. But I wanna do that because I want you
    - all of you, you and me, every day. Forever."

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • Your wedding is in August.  Chill


    and don't invite more than you can accomodate or afford. Count on 100% coming and don't plan on a B list because they're extremely rude.

    hth

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_retract-invitation-dont-respond-rsvp-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:b41d6513-a465-428a-b1af-a9884570f8a5Post:de98b22d-143e-4708-8863-580a1bec6fd1">Re: How to retract an invitation if they don't respond by the RSVP date.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your wedding is in August.  Chill and don't invite more than you can accomodate or afford. Count on 100% coming and <strong>don't plan on a B list because they're extremely rude</strong>. hth
    Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thank you!!! I've always thought Plan B lists were crazy rude.We did do tiers BEFORE invites, so if we needed to make cuts we can see where we could, but I've always thought selecting ppl as "spot-fillers" was incredibly cruel.</div>
    "So what? So it's not going to be easy. It's gonna be hard.
    Really hard. But I wanna do that because I want you
    - all of you, you and me, every day. Forever."

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • If you are really that worried, can you make your r.s.v.p. by date like a week earlier than you actually need it to be? Then that would give you a whole week to get in touch with anyone who hasn't responded yet before you have to have your final count to your vendors.
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  • Regarding your friend... that's a sucky situation. Did she attempt to get in touch with the non-respondees? If not, then that's really on her. :/
  • " There is no such thing as not knowing if someone is coming. Just let them know that you need a definite answer. "

    There will almost always be a few non-responders.  Sometimes, the reason is legitimate; perhaps they never received the invitation.  Other times, it is by sheer inconsiderateness.  Unfortunately, the burden is on you to follow up.

    We followed up with phone calls and emails to those who did not respond.  If we were not able to make direct contact with the person, we left a message along these lines....."We have not heard from you regarding your attendance at (bride's) wedding on (date).  Our RSVP's were due on (date).  (Always allow for a few days after the due date; some people literally wait until the day they are due to mail out.)  Unless we hear from you by (date), we will assume you are unable to attend.  Your presence will be missed. 

     In this way, you DO know who is not coming. This lets those guests understand that YOU will count them as not attending, and thus, no meal will be ordered for them. It is slightly different than "un-inviting" them.  Obviously, we altered this message slightly depending on who we were calling. One non responder was actually the best man, who had simply assumed we knew he was coming.  It did not dawn on him that we needed the response card to indicate meal choice as well.  His message was a bit more (humorously) threatening than those left to less familiar people.
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