She can't be serious...

Amerbutt81

 We have a lot of different religions in our family-  I am Methodist, his mother is Ukranian Orthodox and his father's family is Jewish.  Because of this crazy melting pot, we decided to do a simple, generic, Christian wedding.

His mother had expressed an interest in including a reading from her faith.  She really hadn't asked for much, so I said sure, let's take a look at it.  She e-mailed it to the FI and he said to me "I don't think you are going to like it".

The reading is all about how the man is the head and it is the woman's job to serve the man as the church serves Christ (so am I worshipping him?).  Also, even if the woman appears to be holy and unblemished, it is still the man's duty to cleanse her before presenting her to the Lord.

I got so infuriated when I read this.  I very much believe that a relationship is equal-  JEGs is my partner, not my master.  I would feel so uncomfortable having this read in front of my family and friends.

How do I politely tell my FMIL ( who I do really like a lot ) that she is out her damn mind if she thinks this is being read at our wedding.  Should I ask for another reading?  So I suggest something to her??

Also, what reading are you using/ have you used in your ceremonies.  Religious and non-religious.

Bride_to_be_2011

Wow! I would suggest something else that she could read. Does she really think that is how relationships should be??

Jesster153

yikes. Sounds like she's trying to make a statement here.

I am Christian and pretty strong in my faith-- FI is nothing, but his fathers side is Jewish so we're doing a generic ceremony. We told our officiant to mention 'God' as in one holy God- no mention of Jesus Christ or anything that could linger to one side or the other. Keeps it neutral.

I'm doing the unity candle- during that my godparents are going to do a reading that mentions God (again, no Jesus, etc.). It's a nice prayer, but it's generic and wouldn't offend anyone, etc.  Maybe just explain to her why you are keeping the ceremony generic and just be honest and say that while you appreciate your interest in reading- this particular reading may offend some people and would it be okay for you to suggest another one? (and then have some suggestions)

she may be mad but whatever...she'll get over it.

ooodsie

Actually thats a very common theme in Christianity too.. .There are a lot of passages exactly like this that friends have had at their Christian weddings.  When we did pre-cana, they explained the meaning of this to us.. which I am forgetting right now though.  It actually isn't meant the non-equal rights way it sounds.  

Let me see if I can find the pre-cana info about it, maybe that would help you guys deal with it if you decide to stick with that reading..  

Although, if you hate it, despite understanding it or not, thats 100% your choice and you should switch it.

miguelhilary2010

The fact that she prefaced it with "I dont think you're gong to like it" is never a good sign.  She can't be too offended if you tell her no, considering she's anticipating that you wouldn't like it.  She just picked the most biblical marriage passage she could find.  Its common.

ETA:  I re-read your OP and saw that your FI said you wouldn't like it.  Ahh!  Nevermind.

nicole8586

Ask for a few more readings so you can choose the one which fits you (as a couple) best.

buzzy316

I think you should let your fiance handle it -- it is his mom and I think he could just say "mom, I appreciate your suggestion but that isn't a reflection of our relationship - can you suggest something else?"

Jesster153

I agree with Buzzy also....its better to let your FI handle it

miguelhilary2010

If my old Catholic school brain serves me right, the passage is actually about the wife respecting, honoring, loving and "obeying" her husband (remember these were patriarchal times), and the husband cherishing, caring for and protecting his wife.  Some people read the Bible literally, and some read it for the inherent meaning behind the words/stories.

If it makes you feel any better, my mom refused to say "honor and obey" in her vows when my parents got married in the 70's!

taccoten

I cringe every time I hear this read at weddings.  I take it very literally and I would absolutely refuse to have this read at our wedding.  I think it's offensive and super old-school.

I'm letting J select our readings because they have meaning to him the most, but the only one I had a say in was  "Love is patient; Love is kind" - I'm all about the "as non-religious as possible" readings because I'm not Catholic.

ooodsie

We did Corinthians 13, love is patient kind etc etc at ours as well.  I didn't want any of the old school verses either.  

PharmJen

I would have your FI ask her for other readings - coming from a place of "we want your suggestions and want to use something you choose, but we feel this doesn't really fit our thoughts/way of life, etc. so maybe we can find something more suited for us."

My parents went to a wedding once where the priest didn't change the readings for the couple and left the ones up there from the last wedding.  I guess the readers didn't use their own copies and so they were reading the ones mentioned about the woman being subservient to the man...so not fitting for this couple!  Everyone got a good laugh out of it = )

CA2PABride2Be

Ironically, when I was in church on Sunday they did a whole sermon about this and what both the husband and wife are supposed to take away from this and it's definitely not literal.  Both the husband and wife each have their own responsibilities to lift each other up.  It would be great if your pastor is not so old-school and could explain the passage to what it really means after she reads it (it would also be great if she could read the verse for what the husband is required to do - not just the wife).  But I completely understand reading it without any explanation it sounds bad.

We're doing The Hands of the Bride and Groom for our reading and even now, as I've read through it again, I'm starting to think it's a bit too old-school.  FI and I laugh every time it says "these are the hands that will massage your shoulders after a long day of work" b/c we both know that's never happening haha.

Stacylynn702

How does JEGs feel about it?  I would have him deal with her and ask her for some options like someone else had mentioned.  I wouldn't do it myself though.