Sorry this is so long, ya'll.
I have this one friend that is SOOOOOOOO stressful. Even messaging with her through facebook can frustrate me.
I will, of course, acknowledge that I am easily frustrated lately due to stress about my indecision over which country to live in, financial stuff, and the whole immigration crap - but she's REALLY not helping!!
To give you an example of how my friend is: She wouldn't let me turn the A/C on in her car as we were pulling into her apartment complex because she was afraid that her windows might crack - wtf?! I didn't ask her what she meant because I was afraid that I would be very rude to her. I later asked several people what she could have possibly have meant by that and they all said she's just plain dumb. Also, when cleaning up the mold outbreak in my apartment, I told her multiple times to leave the walls alone because I wanted to make sure they were done right. And multiple times she ignored me and just did whatever the hell she wanted. My father calls her "pretentious", I call her "high maintenance" and my mother calls her "a pain in the ass".
She's been my friend since we were in middle school, although where we were once inseparable, I now view her as the family member you don't like but tolerate because deep down you still love them. And I do love her, because underneath all of her annoying tendencies (I could fill novels with examples - you really need to know her to understand) and selfishness she is very loyal and loving and always there when I need her. But, still, spending more than a few hours in her company is sure to stress me out.
I honestly don't know if I'm going to ask her to be a BM or not! I've made decisions on everyone else (although haven't officially asked anyone yet) and I've been stuck on her for weeks!
On the one hand: She would be very hurt if I don't ask her, and I love her enough to not want to hurt her. Like I said, she's there for you if you need her - and she has been a part of my life for a very long time. Plus, I know we could get a little closer in the process of planning. Also - she is the kind of person that would question me about my decision. She would ask me why I didn't choose her, and if I say something like "I want to keep the BP small" she'll come back with something like "One more person won't hurt anything." if I say "I want just family in it" she will either come back with "We are like family" or "But (jrBM) and (MOH) aren't family" and eventually I'd probably end up telling her she's too damn stressful to have the in WP - which could ruin our friendship.
On the other hand: We could grow farther apart. She stresses me out with the things she does and says and I don't like introducing her to people because I know that she will embarrass me in some way. She doesn't understand etiquette very well. So for example: If I brought a friend from school to hang out at the mall with me and her, she would buy me a drink because I'm her friend but not offer the other girl a drink - which is the polite thing to do. She also is very tactless. If she didn't like a dress she wouldn't say "I liked that other one better." she would say "That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen". She also has no respect for elders, so when my grandfather mistakenly asked about her estranged mother, she told him off - I could have strangled her! She's also been known to belch in public and comment on the eating habits of others.
In addition to stressing ME out, she's going to stress out everyone else in the BP. My mom has only tolerated her for my sake for all of these years. I've noticed she sometimes cringes when my friend speaks. Once, when my friend came out to dinner with my family, my mother got so sick of her that she left her half eaten dinner at the table and went to wait for us in the car. Everyone in my BP ranges from feeling the way I do about her (MOH) to actually intensely disliking her (jrBM and her mother).
AND (as if I needed more!) she's the kind of person that will try to take over everything. She wouldn't be the kind of person to just sit there and wait for you to tell her what you need her to do. She's the kind of person that would just go do what she THINKS needs to be done - no matter how you want it done (not just talking about wedding stuff). I'm afraid that I will be forced to be VERY firm with her - which is so not my style. She would bring the bridezilla out of even the most laid back of people, and I really don't want to be bridezilla-y.
So I guess the "kind of question" here, for those brave souls that made it through that long post, is what would you do? I know it seems like there are plenty of reasons for not choosing her but I still don't want to hurt her.
TIA ladies!