other ceremony "traditions"??

spartybride3

Hi sorry I think I've only posted on this board once. I'm not a very good catholic (only holidays), but we are still having a catholic ceremony. Neither my fiance & I really want to do a unity candle (or unity anything...sand, etc) and he does not want to do flowers to mary (said he's never seen it & it seems weird & he doesnt want Ave Maria played). 

Is there anything else wer can do ceremony wise??? I would like to play Ave Maria because its important to my grandpa & I want to really play it for him. Fiance doesn't want it played because "it is a funeral song" and it was played at his grandma's funeral & it would upset his mom. 

What can I do here??

Thanks!

professorscience

First of all, the unity candle is not a Catholic tradition.  It originated in a soap opera, so you're good there.

Second, the presentation to Mary should be a decision you both make.  However, if you want to do it, you should explain the reasons to your FI (you want to pray for her strength, to be a good wife/mother, etc) and he should be willing to compromise with you (because, after all, that's what marriage takes).  If he has valid reasons, you should hear him out as well.  

I'm curious, though -- do you want to do a presentation of flowers to Mary?  Or have you just heard that that's what happens in a Catholic wedding so you want it to happen?  I'm not asking to be flippant, I just think any decision about your ceremony should come from your heart.

As for "Ave Maria," are you having a full mass?  Could you play it during communion?  If your church allows a separate song for the WP to process to (some churches make you choose one for WP and Bride), could your WP walk down the aisle to it?

professorscience

PS, congrats on your upcoming wedding, and I hope that you and your FI will be able to strengthen your faith as a married couple!

spartybride3

Thank you!  I've only seen the flowers to Mary once. My fiance suggested using it during communion, but it seemed awkward to have it there...too slow. 

agapecarrie

The communion song is supposed to be slow, but it is definitely supposed to be able to be sung by the congregation, and it should NOT be a Marian song. 

caitriona87

Offertory?

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_other-ceremony-traditions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:5048e570-54e7-446c-aea7-4e08071f4f34Post:a7e03057-9261-4535-b0e9-a1b3523c184e">Re: other ceremony "traditions"??</a>:
[QUOTE]The communion song is supposed to be slow, but it is definitely supposed to be able to be sung by the congregation, and it should NOT be a Marian song. 
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

<div>Hm...  I'm out of ideas, then.  Do you know another time she could use it?</div>

Nickie431

There are other hymns dedicated to our Blessed Mother besides the traditional "Ave Maria".  Is your main reason for desiring "Ave Maria" to satisfy your grandfather?  If he's a passionate Catholic, I would think he'd appreciate the inclusion of any devotion to the Virgin Mary.  Depending on your musical preferences, you could consider "Salve, Regina," "Hail Mary, Gentle Woman" (which includes in the refrain "teach us wisdom, teach us love"), "Holy Is Your Name" (from the Magnificat), or other selections for your parish's hymnal.  I've also seen "Ave Maria" used during the seating of the mothers before the entrance rite, which generally seems very appropriate to me but may not work if you think it would be too emotional for your FI's family.

Since you are being married in the Church, my prayer for you is that the required preparation (Pre-Cana, Engaged Encounter, etc.) will be an opportunity to re-examine your faith, establish the values you and your fiance will hold in regard to the Church once you're a family, and to bring you closer to our Lord.  Best wishes!

MedStudent13

I've actually played the 'Ave Maria' during a wedding and it was beautiful (if I do say so myself), however, if your family is not **very** Catholic, it might be a bit much. And overall, the marriage ceremony is between you, your husband, and God. Do what feels right to you, don't feel like you have to do anything for your family.

newlyseliski

Would Ave Maria work as an instrumental prelude?  That probably depends on if you're using the Bach/Gounod or Schubert version, though... Nickie's recommendation is probably your best bet in prelude time!