FMIL's....

TTnoles

Do you all get along with yours?  I am having some issues with mine.  She is a sweetie and I love her but she is WAY more into our wedding than FI or myself...and she has thrown herself into throwing me a very extravagant shower (which is nice, but not really my style...)....and she is totally stressing out my MOH about it.

Can someone tell me I am not being selfish, or should i just shut up?  Any other stories about FMIL's that will make me laugh

Roltide75

deal with it 

having a MIL that loves you and adores doing things for you will just give you laughs later on.... just be happy she doesn't hate you and ignore you and cause bigger issues is my advice

this too will pass

TTnoles

I agree things could  be worse, but it still irks me.  More so that my MOH (who is dealing with a parent who has cancer, a new job, and a recent break up with her companion of 8 years) is getting inundated with emails at 3 am in the morning...and when she doesn't respond within 24 hours my FMIL calls my FI to complain.  It just makes me stressed about her getting stressed (I have a low anxiety threshhold...haha).

M1ssJ

It could be worse but since she probably doesn't know those things about your MOH you should probably tell your FI to mention to her that she's  dealing with some life issues right now so she's a bot stressed. I'd even tell her Im willing to help plan my own shower because I can imagine your MOH is going to reach a breaking point soon. Hopefully she can understand that and ease up a bit.

Melis1273

Roltide- love your response!

Where do I begin....
Okay, I am in a slighlty, similar situation and feel a bit of your pain.  My FMIL is so involved - to the point where I feel like she knows more than me or my mother about our wedding.  She is great, giving and loves to spoil me but it's like "it's our wedding" not hers.  And there are some things I really just don't need her input on.
She offered us money to help pay (fortunatley my FI and I are able to do this on our own) and we declined. We also knew taking it would require us to do certain things  (like paying for some of the family hotel rooms, or inviting certain people, etc.) which we were not planning on doing. 

That being said, I have pretty much done what Roltide said and "dealt with it" as I am lucky to have an over-involved MIL than one that doesn't think I am good enough for her son.  We put our foot down so she doesn't walk on our toes...just means we have to be on our toes!

Here is something to make you laugh...On our last meeting with the hotel,she comes along, to give her input . In front of the hotel coordinator she says she is going to order an extra cake from the bakery for her sisters (the one an only aunt we dislike- lol) 40th anniversary (which happens to be the next day) and have that presented during the reception.  I wish I had a camera to see our faces and then hers when we both blurted out "Absolutely not under any circumstance are you to do that! " This is our day and her anniversary- not a special one at that can be celebrated on their actual day.  And for those of you who might be thinking "oh she probably wanted to have it because all the family was there," it's not, thats her way of sneaking things in to see how we react!!

Roltide75

 We put our foot down so she doesn't walk on our toes...just means we have to be on our toes!

you gave some excellent advice~ usually people that are over involved, as I tend to be LOVE some honest "Mom, stop that...." or "No'   I am just about getting things done and I honestly tried hard not to over step by bounderies and stay over involved.

having a MIL who dislikes you lasts longer than a wedding planning period for sure~ so I would just STAY ON MY TOES! 

TTnoles

oh man Melis, maybe your FMIL and my FMIL know each other or are related????  This is exactly what she does too I LOVE LOVE LOVE her to death and am so excited to be her DIL.  Mostly because I don't have family up here and she immediately accepted me as her own and it makes me SO happy.  I try not to be too assertive because on the flip side of the coin my FMIL is very sensitive...and the last thing I want to do is hurt her feelings.  I think I will follow the advice above though...and at least as Roltide said wedding planning is brief and I get to enjoy the company of my FMIL after this is all over as well.

Melis1273

Tara, I think they are are!  It MUST be a New England thing- LOL

I couldn't agree more with Roltide!   It's so true, it is easier to put the foot and deal with it for a few months than for a lifetime of miserable!

Krempn14

Mine must be related too. She's a sweet woman, and I like that she wants to be helpful, but she keeps trying to take over jobs that are supposed to be for my mother, which in turns upsets my mom. But then FMIL gets offended when I tell her it's not necessary for her to do certain things. It keeps putting me in a bad position.
She insisted on having a shower for me even though my sister/MOH and maids were throwing me one- which is fine... but she then harrassed my sister incessantly for help-- she works full time (more than that actually), is doing work on her home, lives 2 hours away, and was busy planning not only her shower for me- but she's my wedding planner as well!

She also spent nearly the same amount of money on her dress for the wedding as I did on my bridal gown ($70 difference)- which frankly irks me. Especially since SHE claimed she wanted to coordinate with my mom.. she's wearing a ballgown, my mom is wearing a pantsuit. My bridesmaids dresses are tea length. A lot of people on here are telling me I'm blowing things out of proportion and should mind my own business and I'm being a bridezilla, but I still think it's a bit rude since she knew all these things, and is doing the exact opposite of them. I know in the end it's not a big deal, but it's still hurtful when she wants to be all helpful and is doing things that my fiance told her specifically (prior to doing them) not to.

I don't have the heart to say something because she is generally a really nice person, but she's going so far out to compete with her sisters because according to my fiance 'that's what Latino women/siblings do.' Well, I'm Italian and in my culture that's considered extremely disrespectful.