Connecticut

Disappointed with the No's

I'm having a bit of a sad day, ladies. I knew we would probably get a good deal of No responses from guests because FI's family is from Minnesota, but I am taking it a lot harder than I thought. It is looking like we are going to be way under the numbers we predicted, which is going to mean we still have to pay for 175 guests even if we only have 135 (and we invited 225!). I hate that the economy is preventing a lot of people from being able to come. I'm sad that some people that we DID expect to come are now not.  I'm especially annoyed at some friends for whom the economy is not an issue. One former roommate of mine seems to be choosing another roomie's wedding over ours a few weeks later and therefore might not be able to take our wedding weekend off from work. I think I'd be more understanding if this same person had not also skipped the bachelorette party to attend her law school's "prom". I think the hardest part is that FI's sister got married just a few months ago in Minnesota and so many people attended her wedding, even people who didn't live in MN and had to travel, but now those people are not traveling for ours. I know no one thinks the wedding is as important as the bride, and I try to remember how much it sucks out there right now, but it is still disappointing.

Re: Disappointed with the No's

  • edited December 2011
    Hang in there. I would be upset too but you have to remember that all that matters on that day is you and your FI. The people who truely love you will be there to celebrate and others in spirit. I would see if you can talk to your reception hall about the # - even this late in the game. Even if they lower the min. by 10 people (which is what ours did for us), that is good enough!
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  • jenandcrisjenandcris member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry that you received so many "no" responses. )o: I know I'd be really upset if people I thought would come, suddenly could not. I agree with pp that what matters is that you'll be surrounded by your loved ones on your wedding day! The day will go by in a flash! And maybe you can talk to your venue about what can be done about the min?
    Married in Boston, MA: Nov 8, 2013.
    Me: 27. Him: 30. DD: >1.
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  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you guys have been getting more "no" RSVP's then you planned on. I agree with the pp's try speaking with your venue and explaining your situation. Hopefully they'll be willing to budge somewhat, and just keep in mind that this will be your wedding day and you're going to have an amazing memorable day no matter what!
  • edited December 2011
    Kristen we are in the same boat. I know we took a chance by picking a holiday weekend, but I am still disappointed that so many people have declined. Right now it looks like we will make our minimum, at least. All I can say is that no matter how many people come, we will enjoy the day with those that can make it!
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  • jmestylejmestyle member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry, I would be upset too if I were you. There is nothing you can do though, just enjoy your day and those that took the time to be there.

    We invited 184 people and I need 34 of them to decline!
    We really can't afford to go over the 150 mark and so far only 4 declined
  • Vikki2payVikki2pay member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I know how you feel, the same thing happened to us. 

    We had a "B" list so that filled a few spots, but even with a couple weeks left we were asking everyone we could think of just because we were still 10 people short for the minimum. 

    I hope it works out and you get any more declines back
  • edited December 2011
    I doubt we'll make our minimum, too, but what are you going to do? We'll be paying for 125 no matter what...it just worked out that we accounted for all the potential +1's that we allotted for single guests and very few of the single people are bringing a date and some of the married people aren't bringing their partners for various reasons (they can't take off work, will be graduating from grad school programs, will be out of the country, etc....). May turned out to be a tough month with college graduations - we also have some guests with children or relatives graduating from college so they can't attend b/c of that...oh well. Alot of FI's relatives would have to travel halfway accross the country to attend, too, and some are older and can't or are younger and just can't do it.

    What's most important is that FI and I will be there! haha. Try to think of it that way - you'll have plenty of people celebrating with you even if you don't make the minimums.
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  • jnu1117jnu1117 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I completely understand your situation. We invited 140 and only 85 are coming! My family is from Long Island and his is from Mass, so everyone has to travel. I was really upset about it too. Especially because I have traveled from Massachusetts to NY for many other people's occassions yet no one can seem to fin the time/moeny to come to mine. Money is tight for me too but I never complained becuase these people are important to me and I wanted to be there for them. On the positive side we had the money to add a whole bunch of extra goodies, Martini Bar, Chocolate Fountain, Fired Seafood station, that we would otherwise not been able to have. They are nice extra but I would have rather had the guests there. Hang in there

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  • edited December 2011
    That really sucks.  When one of my friends got married she had the same issue.  She negotiated with her venue on the minimum.... basically, they still had to pay that $$$ amount that would account for the minimum number but she negotiated adding additional things to the reception... sushi bar, upgraded the open bar liquor list, added an additional dessert, etc.  If I were you, I would ask my venue if they would supplement the reception menu, etc. to account for the extra people that you will be paying for, but will not attending.  You should get something for the money you're paying!  They'll still be getting the dollar amount they were expecting and don't have to wait on the extra tables, and you don't feel like you've been taken for a total ride and your guests get extras... it's a win win situation.
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