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FI's guest list...Advice please!

Hey Ladies - I don't post on here very much but I need some advice!  It has to do with who is on FI's guest list.  A little background - We were originally planning on doing a destination wedding (Key Largo, FL) having a ceremony only and just family invited, then have a reception in Mpls when we get back with everyone invited.  We were going to do it that way because of our budget (I was getting quotes at $170 per person for reception).  Recently I got an estimate from a new site there and they quoted us $65 per person for the reception.  I was so excited because now we could have the whole wedding and reception in FL, with a (still) smaller guest list (60-70 ish people).  I was making a guest list one who I thought should be on the list -cutting out people from my family- to scale back.  But he insists that if we have a wedding with friends there also he 'owes' people.  People from high school who invited him to their weddings - I haven't met more than 3 of his friends from high school but he listed off about 10 people plus thier spouses.  I don't think we owe people invites to our wedding.  I would like to invite the friends that we hang out with often and we know will come.  I don't want to take that chance of inviting 100 people with hopes that 40 won't be able to come.  ok I'm done.  Thanks for reading this - I hope you all understand what I'm trying to get at.

Re: FI's guest list...Advice please!

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    leahluleahlu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You never owe someone a wedding invite just because you went to their wedding. If he's truly friends with these people and they still hang out then they could be invited, but if not, I doubt they would be offended. I think you need to agree on limits to the guest list, and you definitely shouldn't need to cut out family members so he can invite long lost friends.
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    supersalwasupersalwa member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You for sure don't owe people invitations just because they invited you. Maybe they had a limitless budget and tons of space they filled...or just a different philosophy on who should be invited. We are inviting those who love us and whom we love, and who are happy for *us* and want to celebrate our marriage, not people whose lives we were once in. GL!
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the help...now how do I relay that to FI in guy terms...? :)
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    LittleSweetieLittleSweetie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We used the rule, "Would we invite them to dinner TONIGHT with no questions asked / awkwardness?"  That helped us rule out friends of friends and people we hadn't talked to in years.  It should truly be about who is closest to you and cares about you.  If they care about you now, why haven't you seen them in (making this up) 2 years or even MET them before?!  :)  Just some food for thought!
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    edited December 2011
    FI and I are have this same discussion once a week.  He wants to invite everyone he's ever talked to.  I moved here (twin cities) and he has lived here his whole life so to him his hs friends are still his friends even though he hasn't talked to them or mentioned their names in the 3.5 years i've known him until it's time to create the wedding list.  I do not think you owe anyone an invite.  Someone may have invited you 3 years ago when you were good friends and now you don't talk now.  I saw a rule in a magainze saying - 'have you talked to this person in the past year' and also heard of a rule like Little Sweetie said 'if you had a BBQ at your house this weekend would you invite them and would it be akward'
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