Rude to decline cousin's wedding?

lenergyrlah

BG: Neither of my parents are close with their siblings, so subsequently I am not close with any of my cousins.  I have never met the cousins on my Mom's side, and the cousins on my Dad's side are about 10 years older than me (I think I have met them about 6 times in my life; the most recent was when I was 14).

My cousin has been engaged for awhile and she asked for my and my siblings addresses so she could send us invitations.  She congratulated me via facebook when I got engaged last November and offered to send me everyone's addresses since she already has them.

I got my invitation in the mail last week and she only invited me (not FI).  I'm a bit upset because we had been engaged for almost 2 months before she sent out the invitations so she could have included him; and she could see on Facebook that we were dating before that (it's not like she didn't have time to add someone to her guest list).  I live near DC and her wedding is in Denver, so we probably wouldn't have attended anyway; but there's no way I'm attending my myself (I can't afford it and it doesn't sound fun at all).

I feel bad declining because she offered to send me the addresses, etc.  Am I being rude?

dumdumfroggie

No, you're not being rude.  I've declined many relatives weddings that are local (I'm not close to any of my dad's side). 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-decline-cousins-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f4477d0-f293-4873-8640-ca94bd07f280Post:396f964a-90e0-405d-b337-aad7ab743c69">Rude to decline cousin's wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]BG: Neither of my parents are close with their siblings, so subsequently I am not close with any of my cousins.  I have never met the cousins on my Mom's side, and the cousins on my Dad's side are about 10 years older than me (I think I have met them about 6 times in my life; the most recent was when I was 14). My cousin has been engaged for awhile and she asked for my and my siblings addresses so she could send us invitations.  She congratulated me via facebook when I got engaged last November and offered to send me everyone's addresses since she already has them. I got my invitation in the mail last week and she only invited me (not FI).  I'm a bit upset because we had been engaged for almost 2 months before she sent out the invitations so she could have included him; and she could see on Facebook that we were dating before that (it's not like she didn't have time to add someone to her guest list).  I live near DC and her wedding is in Denver, so we probably wouldn't have attended anyway; but there's no way I'm attending my myself (I can't afford it and it doesn't sound fun at all). I feel bad declining because she offered to send me the addresses, etc.  <strong>Am I being rude?</strong>
Posted by lenergyrlah[/QUOTE]

No

Kate61487

No, it's not rude.  You already said you probably wouldn't be able to attend anyway due to the cost and time; sometimes you just can't make it, and that's okay.

It WAS rude of her not to invite your FI, especially since she has acknowledged your engagement, so clearly she's aware he exists.  If you do want to attend I think you'd be well within your rights to call her up and ask if FI's invited.  But if you're going to decline anyway it's probably best to just let it go.

mari0225

No, not at all.

MyUserName1

Not rude to decline.

Rude of her not to invite your FI, though.

LP11509

One of H's classmates from grad school invited him to her wedding, but not me.  Which pissed me off because A) she's known me for as long as she's known H, though she's closer to him, and H and I were already engaged at the time, and living together.  H declined the invitation.

To make it worse, about a week after H got the invitation, the bride actually sent out an e-mail to (presumably) everyone explicitly saying that she was not inviting any SOs due to budget reasons.  I guess some people must have contacted her asking if it was a mistake that their SO was left off the invitation, so she sent out a mass e-mail response.

So basically, no, you're not being rude.  Your cousin is. 

KatoNorway

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-decline-cousins-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f4477d0-f293-4873-8640-ca94bd07f280Post:1918dc53-b55f-4c01-83de-b8a86653d031">Re: Rude to decline cousin's wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of H's classmates from grad school invited him to her wedding, but not me.  Which pissed me off because A) she's known me for as long as she's known H, though she's closer to him, and B) H and I were already engaged at the time, and living together.  H declined the invitation. To make it worse, about a week after H got the invitation, the bride actually sent out an e-mail to (presumably) everyone explicitly saying that she was not inviting any SOs due to budget reasons.  I guess some people must have contacted her asking if it was a mistake that their SO was left off the invitation, so she sent out a mass e-mail response. So basically, no, you're not being rude.  Your cousin is. 
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]
Yikes! Did anyone show up?

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-decline-cousins-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f4477d0-f293-4873-8640-ca94bd07f280Post:bfcdda9d-016d-40a4-9492-e3f36f7a17b5">Re: Rude to decline cousin's wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rude to decline cousin's wedding? : Yikes! Did anyone show up?
Posted by KatoNorway[/QUOTE]

<div>I have no idea.  The wedding was in AZ and we were living in DC at the time, so H wouldn't have gone regardless of me being invited or not. I don't think any of their classmates went though, except for one who was a BM.</div>

sarahlm619

Given the background of your family dynamics -- I would say it's not rude (and agree with everyone else that it's rude she didn't invite your FI)

I really think family dynamics come into play here though -- my cousin got married across the nation a few weeks before I was about to MOVE across the nation...the slight mention to my mom that money was tight and I wasn't sure if I could make it caused the BIGGEST uproar!  needless to say -- I went -- had an ok time...but more than anything...don't regret my decision!

rebarobert2012

No, you are not being rude by declining the invitation.  It sounds like you aren't close anyway, so there's really not any reason to travel that far unless you wanted to.  Also, she was rude not to include your fiance in the invitation.  If she congratulated you on your engagement, then she was clearly aware that you were engaged.  That reason alone would make me decline the invite.

LittleMissCutiePie

No, it's never rude to decline a wedding invite. It is rude to invite someone without their SO, though it may have been an oversight, or she doesn't know that people don't automatically assume that they're allowed to bring their SO's. Regardless, don't feel bad for declining an invite. If it makes you feel better, you can call her or email her and make up a reason why. That's what I would do.

Cousin sends me invite without FI attached:
Me; Oh, hey, cousin, I'm so sorry I can't make it to your wedding. I found out I have to go this convention for work. I know, it sucks. All the best!

sweetcanadian1979

I would totally decline. Technically i did not get invited to my fiances brothers wedding. 4 years together at that point did not warrent my name on the invite, but worst part is they didn't actually expect him to come without me, i feel it was a purposeful snub cause my name has not been on any envelope since.