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I don't want to hurt anyone...

Long story short, when I was 18, my dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack and no one was expecting it. Call me a pretty, pretty princess all you want, but one of the first things I thought to myself (even though I was not even thinking about marriage at that point) was, "My dad was supposed to walk me down the aisle... who's going to walk me down the aisle?" My uncle (my dad's brother) told me he would have been honored. My mom remarried (very) shortly after and it caused a LOT of bad/hurt feelings on my dad's side and we all went from being very close to not even speaking for a couple of years. We've since reconnected, but things are still pretty distant. Recently, I asked my stepfather to do the honors and it literally made his day. He was so happy that I asked.. we have a bit of a rocky history as well. I was just talking to my grampa (dad's dad) on the phone recently and he said, "I wish your dad could be there for your wedding." I said, "I know... I wish he could give me away..." My grampa said, "Oh, your uncle will do that. Don't you worry." :( I didn't know what to say. They are wary of my stepdad bc of the quickness with which he came into our lives, but I know I'll need to confront this at some point. Any advice? I don't want it to be an issue, but I also don't want them to show up and be hurt. It's been 9 years since my uncle said that and a lot has happened since then. I couldn't believe my grampa even remembered. Thank you so much for your thoughts.
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Re: I don't want to hurt anyone...

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    I think our dogs are twins.Anyway, I understand.  My dad died when I was 8 and I thought the same thing.  It's tough.  My mom is walking me down the aisle.I think you just need to bait the grandpa to bring it up again, and when he mentions the uncle, say something like, "I'm so grateful he offered, but I really think having stepdad do it will be great for our relationship.  It's been really hard for the last several years, but I'm looking forward to us getting closer."Good luck.
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    two years!
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    What about both of them?
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    "I'm so grateful he offered, but I really think having stepdad do it will be great for our relationship. It's been really hard for the last several years, but I'm looking forward to us getting closer."Brie, that's such a good idea. Thank you! :)(Our doggies ARE twins. :) Wittle Babies)
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    I like Brie's idea, and Night's idea of having both of them.  That way you have your dad's family and your mom's family represented, in a way.

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    Night, I had thought of that. I would love that. The only thing is that I'm working with the world's shortest and somewhat narrow aisle, (maybe 12 feet at most). The ceremony is in a tiny gazebo garden, so I'm not sure if that would work. :/I'm wondering if there are other ways I could ask for him to be involved. It really would mean a lot to me...
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    Yeah, J&K, I agree with you. Do you have any ideas other than walking me down the aisle for roles my uncle might be able to play? Hey wait... we don't currently have a flower girl... :)
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    I vote for having both of them, my Dad passed last year and I had my grandfather and brother walk be down the aisle. It meant a lot to all of us, but do what's best for you.
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    Haha, I'm sure he'd be a darling flower girl.  Are you close enough to him where you could ask him to stand on your side with the wedding party?  Or do a special reading?You could always have him man the guestbook ;)  Juuust kidding!

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    Yay beagles!I would also ease the blow on your uncle by asking him to do something else special at the wedding, like a reading.  Or, oddly enough, one of my uncles is really excited to be our chauffeur on the wedding day (he volunteered). 
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    two years!
    after two losses, now happily expecting baby #1 09.16.12
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    lpstl, I absolutely love the idea of having my grampa give me away. :) I feel such a connection to my dad through him. I hadn't thought of that. I am glad that I asked my stepdad because it meant the world to him and I'm not sure I would take that back. But I would love to involve my grampa now too... He is 90 years old and is making the trip from south Florida to northern California for our wedding and I'm so honored by that.
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    Can you move the chairs out so you have more aisle?  Another option would be to have uncle already at the front of the church and when they ask who gives this women have both of them say "I do."
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    J&K and Brie, that's a really good idea - having him do a reading or something else (besides man the guestbook! ha!). Thank you ladies! This is why I love P&E. You all are wonderful.
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    Another option would be to have uncle already at the front of the church and when they ask who gives this women have both of them say "I do."Excellent idea!
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    My aisle was maybe 10 ft wide, I think unless you have a very full dress it would be ok.[img]http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3308/3598488669_1e04feec0a.jpg[/img]
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    Actually, I take that back, it was probably more like 8 ft.
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    If you have grandpa at the front of the church instead of uncle, it would work if his mobility is limited at all.
    my read shelf:
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    lpstl, the aisle is about 10-12 feet long and about 8 feet wide. It may work. I like the idea of having them at the front with the officiant though.
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    Do you already have an officiant?  Is it a religious ceremony?  If it's non religious and you don't have an officiant, Uncle could get certified online and do your ceremony. 

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    Hi J&K, that is actually a really good idea. I wish I had thought about that before we hired our officiant! :/
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    Ah shoot!  It was worth a shot. 

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    How about having one walk you down the aisle and the other dance with you at the reception?
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    I think you are getting some great ideas here. I know you don't want to hurt anyone but at the same time, for 9 years they cut you out of their lives (in some fashion) and that's hard to get around. Your grandpa also may not have realized you and your stepdad are close, and heard "I wish he could give me away" as "I have no one to do it what will I do".    I have never been close to my mother's family and after 25 years of feeling rejected I sent them wedding invites as a last ditch effort to form some relationship. Not a single one of her 8 brothers so much as returned our "are you coming" calls or send a card. The night of the wedding her dad passed away and all of the sudden we were "the bad family" for not dropping our bags and immediately flying to Wisconsin. But I digress...Maybe have your step-dad walk you down the aisle, then have your grandpa/uncle waiting at the end to lift your veil/hand you to your fi?
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    "Maybe have your step-dad walk you down the aisle, then have your grandpa/uncle waiting at the end to lift your veil/hand you to your fi?" This is another great idea. I like this a lot.
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    and now there are beagle triplets in the thread. i'm in a similar situation. my father passed away 4yrs ago. I thought it would be great to have my older brother walk me down the aisle in his place, but then my mom was like "oooooooo does this mean i get to walk you down the aisle. that would be so wonderful etc." i think i'm going to have both of them. my vote is for you to have both of them walk you or one walk you and dance w/ the other.
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    Yay for Beagle triplets! I love your little buddy on the chair. Coconut sits like that too. :) And thanks for your ideas!
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