Wedding Etiquette Forum

Should I postpone trying to get pregnant for SIL's wedding?

My SIL (husband's sister) is getting married next August. Outside of the wedding date, this is the ideal time for us to start trying for another baby. It took us over a year to get pregnant with our son and since we want our kids to be close in age (he is 14 months now) we need to get a move on. To what degree should I consider delaying getting pregnant based on the wedding date. If we start now I may end up a few months pregnant, many months pregnant or postpartum. If I am very pregnant or postpartum I will not be able to wear the dress my SIL is leaning towards. Brides, would you be upset if a bridesmaid ended up pregnant? Would you hope she took your wedding date into consideration when planning to get pregnant? P.S. She knows we are ready to start trying - I just don't know how she really feels about it.

Re: Should I postpone trying to get pregnant for SIL's wedding?

  • I would never expect anyone to alter their family planning based on my wedding.  My FI's SIL will be unable to attend due to her due date and we are bummed she won't be there but totally understand.  One of my BMs is also TTC and we will be nothing but happy for her if she is pregnant at the wedding.
  • No.  You have guarantees that you will have immediate success. Why should you have to put your own life on hold for a stupid dress for a wedding that's not yours?
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  • I don't think you should postpone TTC for their wedding.  She shouldn't have a problem with you being pregnant, and if she does send her here.  We'll straighten her out.
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  • Your SIL has no claims to your uterus. If you want to start trying, start trying. If you don't fit in the dress she chooses, suggest something of the same color that does fit.
  • I would absolutely not postpone trying to get pregnant because of a dress in someone else's wedding. There are plenty of dresses that work for a pregnant BM, and she should be fine with you not wearing the dress she has in mind.
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  • No, I wouldn't schedule my baby having around a wedding that wasn't my own. I might try to avoid being 9 months pregnant in august, just to avoid being miserable. But if it took you a while with the first you can't be picky about timing.
  • No, I wouldn't postpone getting pregnant for anyone's wedding but my own ;) Especially since you mentioned that it took you over a year the first time. Start tying and good luck!
  • If one of my bridesmaids told me she was going to try to get pregnant between now and our wedding date, my only reaction (besides surprise, since only one of my BMs is married and only one other has a boyfriend) would be happiness for her.  She can pick her own dress out.  And if she can't be there because she's going into labor, I'll miss her, but I'll still be happy for her.My wedding date should have no affect on any of my BMs' life plans.  Period.

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  • I think in the grand scheme of things, family planning takes precedence over a date someone arbitrarily chose for their wedding (let's face it, all wedding dates are arbitrarily chosen).Lots of people have pregnant BMs. She can either find a different maternity dress for you, or if you need to, you can sit during the ceremony or something. I have no idea how she'll feel, but it would selfish and rude to express anything but congratulations when you get pregnant.
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  • Personally, I'd be really happy for my friend if she got pregnant, regardless of the wedding date.  Especially if I knew she'd had some issues conceiving before.  There are plenty of dress styles that look good on the preggers and BMs don't all have to match. Having said that, I've seen waaay too many people on these boards biitching about their BMs getting pregnant.  Depending on what sort of person she is, there is a possibility that she'll be cranky about it.  I wouldn't let it stop you, though.  She can get over it.
  • your family (meaning you, your spouse and your kids) come first no matter what.  you should not plan your lives around anyone else or anything, especially a costume party.
  • My sister, MOH, found out she was pregnant about 2 weeks after I picked out BM dresses. I was thrilled!! We picked out different dresses, found someone else to sing, since she was supposed to, and we are planning her baby shower for the day after we get back from the HM. If she loves you, she will be excited for you guys and want to work around it. Don't try to plan around her date.
  • Start trying now.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I would only delay TTC only to the point where I would be less than 8 months pregnant at the time of the wedding.  I personally would not want to be in a position of giving birth on or around the wedding.   I would want my husband (and his family) to be able to enjoy both events.What I said above is totally personal and has nothing to do with the bride or worrying about if she would be upset if I was pregnant.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • You and your family is more important than someones wedding. If sil had told me she was pregnant during my wedding I would have been thrilled for her.That being said, I did consider putting off ttc myself because my bil is going overseas for 2 years, leaving Dh to take care of me and our house, plus dh's sister, his mom, and his niece. Then I realized I was going to be sacrificing my life for 2 years and possibly ruining any chance of having biological kids (Dh is 36) so that bil could go run around overseas.There are times when you need to put yourself and your family first, this is one of those times.
  • Dont worry about your dress or what she will think! If a baby is what you want, then go for it!  
  • Oh, and I had a BM who got pregnant before my wedding and then couldn't fly because of complications... So she missed my wedding because of the pregnancy, but I still don't think you should put off TTC. It's more important than a wedding :)
  • Don't plan around her wedding. If you need to travel far for it, I guess you might want to try to avoid being so close to your due date that you couldn't fly. I'll admit I'd be upset if a bridesmaid ended up pregnant. Selfish, yes, but pregnant women in general kinda freak me out anyway. Neither I nor my FI has a sister, so that's not a problem. Fortunately for me, none of my bridesmaids are planning on having kids anytime soon (only one is married, and she doesn't want kids).
  • At this point, I'd wait a month or two and then start trying. I wouldn't try right at this second because it would mean that if you did get pregnant immediately, you'd be giving birth right at the time of the wedding. But depending on when exactly the wedding is, you could still get start trying in two months--and maybe end up pregnant or maybe not by the time of the wedding, but likely still in a position where you could attend. Like lynda, I wouldn't be worried about whether or not the exact dress fits, but if it were in my power, I'd personally try to be sure that I was in a position to attend a close family member's wedding. Of course, that's all assuming that you're not, like, 42 years old where every month literally does count.
  • Ask her about it, but most people should be fine with it.  When you pick dresses for bridesmaids you already have to take in body type, so why shouldn't pregnany be one of those body types?  As long as you're willing to get alterations and stuff she ought to be fine with it.  And why should your family planning be affected by her wedding?  Do what will be best for your family in the long run.
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  • Personally, I wouldn't want to be 9 months pregnant on the wedding day... but that's just me... I try to schedule my life around my menstrual cycle, so I'll probably do the same when I'm pregnant, lolHowever, you can't always help these things. If it happens, it happens. You can't let things like this get in the way of having a family. After this wedding, there might be something ELSE that might want you to put off a pregnancy. And you can't keep putting it off forever. Go for ittttt! If you have to wear a different style dress, then so what? At least you'll be glowing. :)
  • I don't think she's entitled to an influential opinion on your life decisions... particularly not for the sake of a dress.
  • As long as you wouldn't have to get on a plane to attend the wedding, I'd start trying now.  It took me a year and a dose of Clomid to get pg with my son.  When he was 13 months, we started trying again.  I got pg with my daughter the first you never know how it will work out.
    Kate ~ Mommy to Matthew 3/29/07 & Kylie 12/30/08 & Chase 3/31/11
  • You do not have to delay TTC for your SIL's wedding.  Start trying now if that works for you and your DH.  I had a pregnant bridesmaid and she looked beautiful.  I would not schedule TTC around a wedding.  Those who love me would be happy for me if I got pregnant.
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