Am I being too rigid or just holding my ground?

Kanelope

FI and I are from the same small town. We chose a reception site that only holds 250 and I have a large extended family, so we are trying to be selective when it comes to invites. FMIL gave me her guest list a few months ago and FI and I reviewed it and made some cuts, including the parents of a middle school friend of his. When my mom emailed FMIL for STD addresses, she responded and the parents from middle school suddenly appeared on the list again. The kid he was friends with in middle school isn't even on the list! No one in my family or his has spoken to anyone from that family in over 6 years. They are wonderful people who are incredibly nice, but I feel like this alone doesn't warrant an invite to our wedding, especially when my dad and FMIL (both small business owners) can't invite their employees whom they've known for years and see everyday!

BioGirl21

Are FILs paying? If not, why would you invite these people? I say hold your ground.

tmm140

Who is paying??

salt78

Is she paying or are you? If you're paying, stand your ground.

georgia_bride09

If your FMIL wants to invite these randars over her employees, then that's her perogative. How is the GL divided?

katiewhompus

Same as above but I'll say it again for emphasis.If fmil is paying, she gets to invite who she wants (or you need to have a talk with her)If you are paying then tell her that they will not be on the guest list.Although the way this is going so far don't be shocked if she "word of mouth invites" them and they show up anyways.

eastunder1

I would just have you FI tell her that that particular family will not be invited due to space/list constraints.  Sorry FMIL.  I want a pony, but that doesnt mean I get one. 

Kanelope

FILs are not paying for anything. My parents are footing the entire bill. FMIL gave me her list and FI and I removed 2 parties, the middle school parents in question and FMIL's college roommate (whom FI has never met but "thought" that's who she was). FI and I chose high school and college friends to invite and I let my mom have the rest. Outside of family, FI and FMIL had 32 invites. So I had FI call FMIL to find out if she is insistent on this invite because SHE wants it or b/c she thinks FI wants it. Here's the response I got: FMIL will take the middle school parents off of the STD and we'll talk about it over Thanksgiving (FI and I will talk about it- we live in 2 different cities) and she will replace them with a completely new invite. This is also when it was brought up that FMIL has "held off" on adding coworkers to the list to see where we were at. I was very specific a few months ago that she should send names for everyone- "A" and "B" lists.

brookelynpaisley

Don't actually do a B list, first of all. If you're giving FMIL a certain number of invites, then why does it matter who they are?

LesaBear

We went through the same thing. For our small under 50 ppl wedding FMIL gave us a list of over 100 including some people SHE went to middle school with but is not currently friends with. FI discussed this with her. She was not happy, but we just never sent out invites to all of her list. The couple of invites we did compromise on never returned their RSVPs. We think that they didn't know who we were. lol As with what others said, she's not paying so she shouldn't be upset about one invite.

Kanelope

I think this is where I get stuck. It wasn't exactly a "B" list. I asked for "must invites" and "dream list". All invites from the groom's side ended up being about 80 (32 non-family). I guess it's difficult for me to say "ok, we can invite these people we haven't spoken to in years and were important to FI when he was 13 OR we can invite friends of my parents who FI and I really enjoy and have spent lots of time with.

sucrets4

I'd let your FI deal with her.  As long as you're communicating with him, he should be in touch with his side of the family.And I think that since they're not paying a cent, you have every right to give them a certain number.  Have you done that? 

banana468

I think you and your FI need to get to the same page to his parents' list while being fair to them.

dianenjnj

just give her the number of people she can invite...stick to it...and let her decide who she wants.