Wedding Etiquette Forum

I don’t want to go to my own wedding

I’ll try and keep this as short as possible.  We wanted to have a destination wedding in Jamaica with just immediate family (15 people total) But that wasn’t doable for everyone (completely understandable).  So we decided on a wedding in the mountains. That gave us more room for friends and family.  We figured somewhere around 80 people.  I asked FI for a guest list of who he needed to invite, he said he would check with his mom.  Next thing I know, there’s 51 family members on his list (that’s not including any of his friends) and they all can’t wait to come!  Apparently his mom verbally invited everyone.  Our guest list now sits at 143.  Since a lot of his family will be there, his parents have offered to help pay for the wedding.  While I do appreciate it, that’s not what’s bothering me.  It feels like the wedding has turned into a family reunion.  I’ve never met most of these people and frankly, I’m not that comfortable in front of that many people.  FIL’s called the other day and they asked how many I was comfortable with and I said 80-90.  They called the next night and talked to FI and said ‘I think we need to keep the guest list where it is’.  I understand uninviting people is rude and that she doesn’t want to be put “in an awkward position (her words)” but 1 - we never invited these people, she did. 2 - what about how I’ll feel?  Do I actually get to enjoy my wedding day?  I’m kind of a shy person and 143 people is not what I envisioned my wedding looking like.  I’m dreading this whole thing now.  I really don’t want to go. 


Do I just need to suck it up because they’re all going to be family?  The invitations haven’t gone out yet (that gets into a whole ‘nother story!), so we haven’t formally invited them yet, but a verbal invite is still an invite, right?


TIA for any suggestions.  

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