Green vs. "proper" etiquette

emyinpink

We live in Seattle (and grew up in California), and try to live as semi-green as possible (minimal impact, compost/recycling, eating local/sustainable as much as possible, mix of new and "redone" furniture, only have 1 car - and try to use public transportation as much as possible, etc.). 

Some thoughts we've had so far for how to incorporate that green feeling into the wedding include: no flowers at reception with exception of bouquets (and even then, we're looking at other options like feathers?), reusing decor as much as possible instead of buying new, our venue provides local/organic food, soy candles, etc. 

I'm torn when it comes to the "paper" aspects of our wedding. I love paper/design, and will be making our invitations myself out of partially recycled paper. We are having a reasonably formal, evening reception, and I'm using the invitations to indicate that tone (calligraphy on the envelopes, etc.). 

However, we wanted to have online RSVP (FI and I both work in the computer industry, so he will be coding our wedding webpage). We'll have a phone number for those who don't want to reply online, but are we breaking a horrible etiquette rule by not providing response cards? (obviously, people could also mail us response cards if they so choose) We wanted to avoid the extra waste, plus the unnecessary transport of the envelopes.  

Thoughts? Our wedding is on the smaller side (75 total including +1s), and our close friends and family obviously know how we feel about the environment.

Any other green vs. etiquette thoughts?

shellydiane820

I would look into rsvp cards.  Surely you can find something on recycled paper.  I've known a couple brides who did online rsvp-ing and it was a disaster.

If you want to use less paper, I would recommend skipping the 2nd envelope.  I find those completely unnecessary.

aMrsin09

You could also do an RSVP postcard to eliminate the RSVP envelope and it will also use less postage.

ETA: If you do a postcard, be sure to chekc the paper weight and size.  Minimum size is 3x5 ish and the stock for a postcard is thicker than just a regular card.

shellydiane820

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_green-vs-proper-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:23a1260a-cd3d-4a45-83e5-480e34d4ded2Post:bcc52426-b4de-4689-b746-540b2f38f792">Re: Green vs. "proper" etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]You could also do an RSVP postcard to eliminate the RSVP envelope and it will also use less postage. ETA: If you do a postcard, be sure to chekc the paper weight and size.  Minimum size is 3x5 ish and the stock for a postcard is thicker than just a regular card.
Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I don't know why I didn't think of that.  We did postcards.  Durr!</div>

emyinpink

Yep, we're already planning on no inner envelope, and just one page for the invitation (no pocketfolds, etc.). The postcard is definitely something to think about, although it doesn't avoid the postcard going through the mail...

Shelly, what kind of problems had you heard about with online RSVPs, if you don't mind me asking?

Thanks for all the quick responses!

aMrsin09

Well I used on-line RSVP since most of the guest list was international and I wasn't going to go find and pay for international stamps.  We didn't get a single RSVP.  I ended up having to call everyone.  Thank heavens for Skype.

AroundTheBlock

Actually formal proper etiquette abhors response cards. The wedding industry loves them because it's one more product to sell, and they've become so common in the last thirty years that formal proper etiquette has stopped condemning brides who use them. But proper hostesses are actually supposed to pretend to believe that their guests are sophisticated and mannerly enough to hand-write a response on their own formal stationery.  So no, you aren't breaking any rules by declining to follow a fashion that was itself a breach of the rules.

2dBride

We used online-only RSVPs.  Only one of the 100 guests we invited had difficulties mastering the RSVP page.  If you've also got telephone RSVPs, you should be fine.

And I agree with AroundTheBlock.  The old rule was that you should not include RSVP cards, because this would insult your guests by suggesting that they wouldn't know how to send a proper response in blue or black ink on their own informals.  This rule has been less observed in recent years, as it has become painfully obvious that most guests don't know how to send a response in blue or black ink on their own informals.  But there are no etiquette rules relating to RSVP cards, because under traditional rules of etiquette, they don't exist.

mica178

You could also advise guests to RSVP via email or telephone, if you want to skip the RSVP cards/postcards. 

quotequeen

So no, you aren't breaking any rules by declining to follow a fashion that was itself a breach of the rules.

I hate this argument.  Aspects of etiquette do change over time.  That doesn't mean there are no rules surrounding the new etiquette, or that you should just do whatever you want because it's not the same as what people did 100 years ago.

TNMurray

I personally am doing online RSVPs, I had a friend that did them. Her only complaint was that she gave people an option, online or mail back and some people did both, so really that wasn't a complaint. Since you are coding your own webpage it shouldn't be a problem. With me looking for the site I am going to use I have to be aware because some websites allow anyone to rsvp. You can password protect a page but there is just one password and that is my problem.

fangsiting

We did online RSVP and it worked out fine.  We had about a 90% response rate by the RSVP deadline.  If you do use the knot and are allowing a plus one, just make sure you explain that people must type in an email address even for the plus one who will not be attending.  I thought I was clear in the instructions when I suggested using the same email address for all guests, but H said a couple of his friends got confused.  Why the knot needs an email address from anyone, much less for people who respond No, is ridiculous, but that did cause some problems.  I actually would not recommend the knot's site because of that issue. 

LuluP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_green-vs-proper-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:23a1260a-cd3d-4a45-83e5-480e34d4ded2Post:8e38037b-9070-444c-819f-18c6d2b903fd">Re: Green vs. "proper" etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually formal proper etiquette abhors response cards. The wedding industry loves them because it's one more product to sell, and they've become so common in the last thirty years that formal proper etiquette has stopped condemning brides who use them. But proper hostesses are actually supposed to pretend to believe that their guests are sophisticated and mannerly enough to hand-write a response on their own formal stationery.  So no, you aren't breaking any rules by declining to follow a fashion that was itself a breach of the rules.
Posted by AroundTheBlock[/QUOTE]

This. You're basically just updating the new rule to account for technology. I don't see a problem with it.

What I would do, though...is include a small card in your invites indicating the online RSVP site, plus a phone number AND an address if people do wish to write you a note on their own stationery (unlikely).

The card could just say "Favor of reply is requested by DATE at WEBSITE, PHONE No., or ADDRESS."

It will reduce it slightly...it can be a thin little card to lower the weight, very small, and also, you will save the transport back since I would guess most people would still reply online and on the phone.

shellydiane820

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_green-vs-proper-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:23a1260a-cd3d-4a45-83e5-480e34d4ded2Post:4b7a83ca-5a9d-435c-9ec9-5585edc83a45">Re: Green vs. "proper" etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Yep, we're already planning on no inner envelope, and just one page for the invitation (no pocketfolds, etc.). The postcard is definitely something to think about, although it doesn't avoid the postcard going through the mail... Shelly, what kind of problems had you heard about with online RSVPs, if you don't mind me asking? Thanks for all the quick responses!
Posted by emyinpink[/QUOTE]

<div>one wedding only used online rsvp, and they had a lot less people show up than expected. She talked to some of the guests who didn't show and they said they forgot.  I'm assuming its because they didn't have an invitation sitting out....however, that's a guess on my part.</div><div>
</div><div>The other bride I know used rsvp cards and online, and she got some mixed answers, which was confusing.</div>

LuluP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_green-vs-proper-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:23a1260a-cd3d-4a45-83e5-480e34d4ded2Post:e344d4dc-7959-4d4e-a95a-931f21dea203">Re: Green vs. "proper" etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]So no, you aren't breaking any rules by declining to follow a fashion that was itself a breach of the rules. I hate this argument.  Aspects of etiquette do change over time.  That doesn't mean there are no rules surrounding the new etiquette, or that you should just do whatever you want because it's not the same as what people did 100 years ago.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

I just see it as...it's clearly a changeable etiquette rule. At some point, people stopped replying unless it was clearly indicated and made ridiculously easy. Nowadays...it's easier to go online (for most people) than even the mailbox. So, since it's clearly a changeable rule of etiquette (not like, say, feeding your guests at a mealtime), then why not change with the times...again.

Catwoman708

I would use card style invitations, skip the tissue paper or velum inserts, inner envelope, and response cards altogether as the biggest ways to reduce wasted paper.  As long as you provide a phone number and  e-mail, and return address on the mailing envelope. 

Those that are so old school as to insist on a mailed response, will likely know that it's most proper to use their own stationery, which they probably already have.

breezerb

I would say that on the invitation include an RSVP line that says something to the effect of

"This invite is printed on recycled paper and to help support our "green" efforts we ask that you rsvp on our website (or email) or phone us at 123-456-7890"

emyinpink

Thanks so much everyone! I think I'll put in a small card with RSVP details, including website, phone, and address (so all generations of technology acceptance will be okay). 

bonnyandtim

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_green-vs-proper-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:23a1260a-cd3d-4a45-83e5-480e34d4ded2Post:4b7a83ca-5a9d-435c-9ec9-5585edc83a45">Re: Green vs. "proper" etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Yep, we're already planning on no inner envelope, and just one page for the invitation (no pocketfolds, etc.). The postcard is definitely something to think about, although it doesn't avoid the postcard going through the mail</strong>... Shelly, what kind of problems had you heard about with online RSVPs, if you don't mind me asking? Thanks for all the quick responses!
Posted by emyinpink[/QUOTE]

This is what I'm doing.

My postcard isn't for mailing though. I had some printed from Vista Print that are more like Information cards.
-Reception location (same church as ceremony)
-RSVP Phone # & date
-Hotel Block Info
-General Driving Directions from my hometown (1 1/2 hours away)