Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is it okay for bride's mother to host bridal shower?

Hey guys, the questions just never end.  What is the current ettiquette regarding the bride's mother as host of the bridal shower?  My mom is throwing me a large shower at my grandmother's house but I recently heard it was a faux pas for the bride's family to host her shower.  What do you all think about this?

Re: Is it okay for bride's mother to host bridal shower?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-brides-mother-host-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a0b017b-ae1e-40d5-8353-4c9314db5ac6Post:f6a0a58a-39bc-49b4-b339-49a4d8bfec2c">Is okay for bride's mother to host bridal shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey guys, the questions just never end.  What is the current ettiquette regarding the bride's mother as host of the bridal shower?  My mom is throwing me a large shower at my grandmother's house but I recently heard it was a faux pas for the bride's family to host her shower.  What do you all think about this?
    Posted by MrsNash2be[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think it depends on your area and/or social circle.  I have never been to a bridal shower that wasn't thrown by the MOB or MOG, and didn't know it was considered bad etiquette in some areas until coming on here.  To me, it's not a big deal at all and is considered normal, but it depends on what your guests are used to.</div>
  • As long as you are not hosting your own shower, it does not really matter who throws a party for you.  Old school etiquette dictated what you are referring too, but nowadays it is NBD. 
    Anniversary
  • It is believed to be inappropriate for the bride's mother to throw her a shower.  The point of a shower is to "shower the bride" with gifts.  Having the MOB host it is like saying "Come by my daughter a bunch of presents."    I don't know if it's better, worse, or the same, since your party is at your grandmother's house.

    (not trying to make you feel bad, just explaining what the etiquette is).  Laughing
  • Generally speaking, as long as you're not living with your mother (which was the reasoning behind the old etiquette rules) I don't think it's a big deal. But, if your BMs would be OK with it, it wouldn't be the worst idea in the world to have them host it in name only.
  • Generally speaking, it's fine nowadays, but there are some regions that cling to old-school etiquette.  My first shower was thrown by my mom, and my stepmom and aunt are co-hosting one as well.
  • It definitely used to be considered rude for the bride's mom to host the shower because it was seen as being gift-grabby for her daughter. 

    As a guest, I personally don't care if I get an invite to a shower that is hosted by a MOB because I am going to show up with a gift whether the host is her mom or her bridesmaids etc. 

    As a bride, I would probably feel uncomfortable with my mom hosting it because I would be worried that other people would think it's rude (but I don't think it's rude...) 

    Know what I mean? 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-brides-mother-host-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a0b017b-ae1e-40d5-8353-4c9314db5ac6Post:a94f3d43-6877-4062-954c-7c8dbce51f50">Re: Is it okay for bride's mother to host bridal shower?</a>:
    [QUOTE]As long as you are not hosting your own shower, it does not really matter who throws a party for you.  Old school etiquette dictated what you are referring too, but nowadays it is NBD. 
    Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]
    Agreed.

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  • Alright, thanks again knotties!  I don't live with my mom, thank goodness.  FI and I live together (in sin?).  And I think I'm just gonna take out the "hosted by" part on the invites! 

  • That sounds like a good idea.
  • Where I live and with my circle of friends, it's considered poor etiquette.

    However, in many places and ething groups, it's considered the obligation of the MOB to give a shower for her daughter.

    You decide.

  • poor ootdaughter only had 5 showers and I thnk she's still pissed at me that I didn't throw one for her.

    Just who did she think helped finance the shower that her bridesmaids gave?

    :P

  • This is from the Emily Post website:

    It had long been considered a breach of etiquette for the bride's family members to host showers. Why? Because the main point of a shower is to give gifts to the bride and it could seem as if her family were asking for gifts. Today, while it's still a faux pas for an engaged couple to throw their own shower, pretty much anyone else can host one. Family members frequently step in to host showers, especially when common sense dictates such a solution. For example, the bride may be visiting her future in-laws and the groom’s mother or sister wants to invite hometown friends and family to meet her. Or, the bridal party is spread around the country and it’s difficult to pinpoint a common geographic location to gather and celebrate. Sometimes several of the bride's friends or relatives may host the shower together—sharing the expenses and the organizing. Let individual circumstances be your guide when determining who should serve as host.
  • I woudln't think twice about it. Most of the showers I've attended have either been thrown by the bride/groom's sister(s) or aunt(s), but when that wasn't possible, by the mother. I've rarely attended a shower thrown by BMs.
  • I think brides shouldn't know about their showers. We have enough to worry about!

  • my MOH & BM are "hosting" mine....but my MOH (SIL) couldn't afford one, nor could my BM (college aged cousin)...so while the "hosts" are them, and they are helping with the invites, my mom is the one that paid/organized most of it. 

    But yeah, I felt a little weird about it and asked my mom who they were putting on the invite to reply to...she said "Don't worry, we are putting it is hosted by MOH & BM"
  • My mom hosted it and my bridesmaids did all the planning - because they didn't have the money to pay for it. I don't think it's a big deal as long as you're not throwing it yourself.
  • My mom hosted mine because the WP is scattered to the four winds when it comes to location and it honestly meant more to her than to me, especially because we didn't register.  

    It was a nice mix of her friends (who I have grown up with) and friends of mine who are still in the area and those under an hour away.

    All of the showers that I have attended have been thrown by the mothers.

    Good luck!
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