Future In-laws won't travel if destination wedding. Thoughts?

[Deleted User]

Hello all,  I'm new here...engaged as of Nov. 17th and already things are a bit "dramatic."  I have been looking into getting married near Red Rock Canyon, NV.  My future in-laws found out and are already saying to my fiance "You won't be mad if we don't go, will you?"  I feel like they're guilting him/us into having a local wedding.  (Of course my mom wants this, too, but I can't find anything that I like around here (FL) in terms of venues.  I do want his parents to share in our special day.  What are your thoughts?  Do we consider their plans?  Do we make our plans and invite them and hope they decide to travel?  Help! 

JK10910

We had this same problem.  To us, they had legitimate travel concerns.  It was important to both of us that they be there, so we scrapped the DW plans.

You need to consider how important it is that they be there.  If it's important to you or FI, or both, of course, then you might have to reconsider.  If it's not that important, or FI thinks they're bluffing, call their bluff and do it anyway, if that's what you want to do.

Their reason for not wanting to travel might be important.  Is it because they can't afford it?  If that's the case, can youfind it in your budget to help them out?

salt78

My FFIL isn't coming to our wedding. We have tried everything to convince him, but he absolutely won't get on an airplane. For awhile I felt terrible about it, but in the end, we are still going to go with our original plan.

I think if you are paying for the wedding, you shouldn't let anyone guilt you into having it in a place where you don't really want to be. I would just invite then and hope they decide to travel.

banana468

Are they anti-traveling in general? 

As some people get older, traveling becomes less and less of an option.  My grandmother didn't go to my cousins' weddings in Canada not because she didn't want to, because no one would pay for her to go or because of another committment.  Traveling for her just wasn't something that's feasible and everyone understood.

If your FI's parents either can't afford to or aren't comfortable with traveling, I think that's something huge to consider.

Remember, your special day is special because you'll be married during it.  The where and when are for you to decide but if you want particular people there, you need to plan to their needs.

laurenclaire1386

NV is a hell of a long way from FL.  Is there another place closer to FL maybe, that you'd like to get married? I'd look for a compromise on the destination.  If the distance is shorter, maybe they'd be willing to travel.

angiebear11

If it were a cousin or someone other relative, I'd say fuckk that. But these are your FI's parents. I'm pretty sure your FI is going to want his parents at his wedding (you do realize that it is your FI's wedding too right?) How does your FI feel about it? Does he want a destination wedding as well? There were a lot my's me's and I's in that post.

squirrly

You need to talk to your FI and determine what's most important to each of you in a wedding.  Could be location, specific guests, total number of guests, what food & alcohol to serve, etc.  Then - balance and compromise.  That should show you pretty clearly what order things fall into.

Personally, I couldn't plan a wedding that my FILs were unable to attend.  Our wedding is going to be in my hometown because it's important to me that my grandparents be able to attend.  FI's family is much more able to travel than mine.  Were it the other way around, we'd be getting married near his family. 

Anon I. Mouse

Hm. We had some concerns that a few members of our immediate family would not travel (i.e. do not like planes, travel) though it turned out they decided to do so anyway. We picked our venue, and invited them, knowing there was a risk they might not come.

However, for us we don't live near any family and at least all or half our family would have to travel wherever we had it. So, it was a bit of a "we can't please everybody whatever we do" situation and at the end of the day as long as FI and I were there, we were okay with that.

I think knowing the reasons why they won't come would be helpful to see if those can be worked with, and if they aren't, then you and FI need to decide what is more important for you - that you have the wedding at Red Rock, or that his parents are there.

mocha beans

You really need to talk to FI about how important it is that his parents be there.  It may not matter that much to him, and if he wants to do the DW too, then it will have to be okay to him to not have his parents there.  But if he really wants them there and they say it's absolutely not going to happen for them to travel, for whatever reason, you'll need to seriously rethink the DW idea.

FI is not very concerned about his mom and stepmom not coming to Hawaii with us, and my family is more able to travel long distances.  If this hadn't been the situation, we'd be having the wedding in our home state, which was the original plan.  We are also fortunate that we may be able to pay for some travel expenses for some of the wedding party, and having our friends in our wedding party there with us is also important to me.

lyndausvi

We did not get married in St Thomas mostly because MIL would most likely not be able to attend.  She takes care of her mom and could not be gone that long.  She still had to travel, but finding a babysiter for grandma for 2 nights was much easier than 4 nights needed to come here.

I guess it depends on how much you want them there.  We choose family over location. 

Calypso1977

i think there is a big difference between not wanting to attend, not having the money to attend, and/or being physically unable to attend.

i say unless your FILs are physically unable to attend, then the other two items can be worked around.  they are probably trying to get you to plan local by saying that, but i'm guessing if they know it wont be local, tehy'll make the trip. 

they probably want local too so they can invite all of their friends, etc. who really have no business being at your wedding unless you are their friends too.

while im a big believer in having the wedding you want, at the same time, DW's are not very "user friendly" except for the bride and groom.  but, tehn again, the bride and groom is waht the whole event is about, right?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It really depends on their reasons. If they can't afford to go or have medical reasons for not wanting to travel, you should keep that in mind. Perhaps offer to pay for their plane tickets if you can, if that's their concern. If they just want the kind of wedding THEY envision instead of what you want, I'd keep your original plan if it's important to you.

It's a little weird. My family almost never visits me because they don't like to travel (I live in CA and my parents live in NY), but they're all definitely coming to my wedding. However, I can see there being some real reasons they can't attend.

Koopa17

You need to really talk to your FI and decide what's important.  For us, if either of our parents couldn't attend, the location would be a dealbreaker.  But that might not be as important for y'all, it depends on his relationship with them.  If you think he would end up regretting having the wedding in NV without his parents, I think you should choose another location.  If it's not a big deal to him, then do what works best for you.  Good luck!

pag41989

I think it really depends on why they don't want to travel. If its because of money issues or health reasons then yes I would come up with a compromise. However if it is just because they don't feel like traveling that far, etc. then I would not be a happy camper. Me and FI had the same problem with his Father, he lives in CO and we are getting married where we live in FL. First he said that they didnt have the money for it (then went on a 10 day cruise) after that he claimed that he had no where to stay. Come to find out that 3 different families offered for him, his wife and three kids to stay at their house. I think the problem is the step mother. She has always had an issue with my FI ( I think mostly because he isnt hers). I would sit down and talk to his family about it and see what you can work out.