Help with F's sisters/possible bridesmaids question... sigh.

NickiAyon2B

Okay. Recently engaged. The fiancee's 2 sisters and sister in law are like the 3 musketeers. They basically already assumed they are going to be bridesmaids but the problem is that me and him never ever planned to have a big bridal party. Just me and my maid of honor (who's been my best friend since we were *4 years old*) and his brother, the best man.

I want to ask the 3 to be in the wedding but I'm already annoyed because one of the sisters just absolutely does not understand my relationship with my best friend. She is like a sister to me, especially compared to them. The sister doesn't have any friends at all so it really annoys me that before we've even asked them to be in it that she's already making snarky comments about my best friend, never mind that she's the only that that is officially in the wedding so far. Plus, me and the sister do not have the best past relationships.

What the heck do I do???/

sarabellam

Unless you are marrying another woman (which is illegal in this state), it's "fiance," not "fiancee." As for your dilemma, simply don't ask them to be bridesmaids. And don't grant them the "honor" of handing out programs, manning the guestbook, or serving the cake or punch.

banana468

I think you need to talk to your FI to see how you want his family involved.

Instead of asking them to be BMs, would asking all three of them to do a reading be a fair solution?

NickiAyon2B

all good points. Thank you.
Also, I think I posted on the wrong board. whoops. lol

JK10910

Ready for the standard regurgitated answer??  Don't ask anyone yet.  You'll be sorry.  Wait a few months.

Honestly, you don't have to ask them.  If your FI wants them in the wedding, they can always stand on his side.  Or they can do a reading, or just be guests.  If you don't have good relationships with them, you shouldn't feel pressure to ask them to be in the wedding.  Just stick to his brother and your best friend.  That sounds like the best option.  There are so many bonuses to having a small wedding party.  And if they want to get involved, there are plenty ways for them to help.  If they're upset about not being asked, just smile, say "well now you don't have to buy an ugly expensive dress!" and change the subject.  Or at least, that's what I would do :-p

SarahPLiz

If he wants them in the wedding, they can stand on his side. they can assume all they want, but assumptions do not bridesmaids make. Your BFF is your MOH. If you choose not to have any other attendants, then that is your perrogative. If FI wants them involved but not on his side, then they can be readers.

Loopyseven

Your post is contradicting... first you say you want just your best friend to be MOH, then you say you want to ask your FI's sisters to be in the wedding... as bridesmaids or readers and "personal attendants"?  

Would they understand if you tell them you really had your heart set on a small wedding party, but would would love their help with the planning of stuff or any DIY projects you think you'll do?  

Good Luck!

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fs-sisterspossible-bridesmaids-question-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:562242c5-a7d3-42b5-9052-61f339df02a7Post:6665ac92-2e04-4c6d-b51d-8450ac8e2424">Re: Help with F's sisters/possible bridesmaids question... sigh.</a>:
[QUOTE]Ready for the standard regurgitated answer??  Don't ask anyone yet.  You'll be sorry.  Wait a few months. Honestly, you don't have to ask them.  If your FI wants them in the wedding, they can always stand on his side.
Posted by JK10910[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

Have you set a date yet? If not, you shouldn't even have to worry about this until later--at which point, you may know whether you want them in your wedding or not.

sarabellam

Where in Atlanta are you? And I second Banana's advice on asking them to do readings.

crfische

What board did you THINK you were posting on?

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fs-sisterspossible-bridesmaids-question-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:562242c5-a7d3-42b5-9052-61f339df02a7Post:93210eee-50aa-4505-a344-a903059fe9cc">Help with F's sisters/possible bridesmaids question... sigh.</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay. Recently engaged. The fiancee's 2 sisters and sister in law are like the 3 musketeers. They basically already assumed they are going to be bridesmaids but the problem is that me and him never ever planned to have a big bridal party. Just me and my maid of honor (who's been my best friend since we were *4 years old*) and his brother, the best man. I want to ask the 3 to be in the wedding but I'm already annoyed because one of the sisters just absolutely does not understand my relationship with my best friend. She is like a sister to me, especially compared to them. The sister doesn't have any friends at all so it really annoys me that before we've even asked them to be in it that she's already making snarky comments about my best friend, never mind that she's the only that that is officially in the wedding so far. Plus, me and the sister do not have the best past relationships. What the heck do I do???/
Posted by NickiAyon2B[/QUOTE]

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

They can be ushers or do readings. Those are really the only acceptable non-BM jobs. They can stand on your FI's side as well, but it sounds as though he also doesn't want a ton of people on that side.

If you decide not to ask them to do any of those three things, you can give them corsages to wear, like your parents, to signify they are important family members.

If you let someone bully you into being in your wedding party, I can't imagine what else you'll be convinced to do. However, if you want to keep the family peace with your future in-laws, try to come up with a compromise.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fs-sisterspossible-bridesmaids-question-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:562242c5-a7d3-42b5-9052-61f339df02a7Post:7a7ebf33-ba29-438e-b635-95305c6cf634">Re: Help with F's sisters/possible bridesmaids question... sigh.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help with F's sisters/possible bridesmaids question... sigh. : Have you set a date yet? If not, you shouldn't even have to worry about this until later--at which point, you may know whether you want them in your wedding or not.
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

I was thinking this too, only it sounds like OP has already picked her BFF to be her BM, and has told FI's sisters about it, which is why they are already badmouthing the BFF. She shouldn't have mentioned a BP yet at all, but I think that cat's out of the bag.

NickiAyon2B

Cherokee County. Canton, specifically.

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fs-sisterspossible-bridesmaids-question-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:562242c5-a7d3-42b5-9052-61f339df02a7Post:6d9005fc-506b-4384-a211-af497d8c2158">Re: Help with F's sisters/possible bridesmaids question... sigh.</a>:
[QUOTE]Cherokee County. Canton, specifically. =)
Posted by NickiAyon2B[/QUOTE]

Small world. I work in Canton.

rainsfallsoftly

Not sure if anyone mentioned yet, nickiayon2be, but it looks like you might have your future married name as your user name, and the mods have been posting threads warning about using real names.  Check one of these threads out if you get a chance.  If that's not your actual name, don't worry about it.

Kristin789

>>What the heck do I do???

YOU do nothing.  Nothing.  Really.

You have already chosen your BFF as your attendant - she is someone you know, who has been beside you through thick and thin, who has been with you through your courtship with FI.  That's the very definition of bridesmaid/MOH.

These other women are NOT close friends of yours for a long, important time, have NOT been with you through thick and thin, etc.  So of course you would NOT ask them to stand up on your side - you don't even KNOW these women.

If they are close to FI, it's HIS call what to do with them.  He can walk out with his Best Man and stand on his side, he can ask them to do readings, he can ask them to do something else.  Whatever HE wants to do with these women regarding his wedding, HE does it - HE talks to them, etc.

And HE is the one who talks to them, esp the one woman, about mocking your BFF/MOH. 

You do nothing.