Sent the save the date but don't want to send at invite

amazing22324

Hey everyone,

I have a question, may sound rude, but hear me out.

So I sent this girl at my work a save the date for my wedding, she was just a co worker, wasn't too close with her but was going to invite her because i felt like i had to.  I have 3 bosses and she was one of them, so i had to invite her.  About a week after i sent the save the date, she left my place of work abrupty.  I have not talked to her since, (it was in like September that I sent the STD.) 

Our wedding is getting quite full and there are people i would like to invite instead of this girl that I no longer talk to. 

But i already sent the STD to her, won't she be offended if she doesn't get an invite??

What do I do!?!  There is definetly other people i would rather be there then her!!!  Ugh....

Thanks for listening!!!!

Oh this also happened with a guy at my FI's work who was fired, we werent going to send him at invite either, are we terrible!!??!

ootmother2

You sent the STD, you MUST invite her

ootmother2

and take your FI's full name out of your bio, NOW

danieliza1127

In this situation, I wouldn't invite her.  I seriously doubt she would care or even expect an invitation, or even remember or have saved the date for your wedding.  It's not like you were friends. 

Also, don't invite people out of obligation.  There is NO obligation to invite bosses or coworkers. Your wedding is a personal event, not a work or networking event.

tidetravel

STD = Invite.

The fact is that when you sent the STD, those people that plan to come actually SAVE THE DATE.  Many also make travel arrangements early. 

Regardless of if circumstances change over that time, an invite is expected if the STDs are sent out. 

ExpatPumpkin

I would normally say that a STD = invite, but in this situation I wouldn't invite her...  You probably don't even have her address, right

Mrs.B6302007

I would be offended if I received a STD and then no invite, but I can't speak for her.  To be safe, I would send the invite anyway.  Most likely, she wrote everything off when she left your workplace and probably won't come anyway.

MyNameIsNot

It's still rude.

They'll probably decline if you don't talk anymore.

This is why you aren't supposed to send STDs to people you aren't 100% sure of.

ThePinkSuperhero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sent-save-date-but-dont-want-send-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84dec5ba-9861-4162-bd75-65dc68d5f51aPost:b4d200e6-35eb-4f32-9057-204f846f2670">Sent the save the date but don't want to send at invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey everyone, I have a question, may sound rude, but hear me out. So I sent this girl at my work a save the date for my wedding, she was just a co worker, wasn't too close with her but was going to invite her because i felt like i had to.  I have 3 bosses and she was one of them, so i had to invite her.  About a week after i sent the save the date, she left my place of work abrupty.  I have not talked to her since, (it was in like September that I sent the STD.)  Our wedding is getting quite full and there are people i would like to invite instead of this girl that I no longer talk to.  But i already sent the STD to her, won't she be offended if she doesn't get an invite?? What do I do!?!  There is definetly other people i would rather be there then her!!!  Ugh.... Thanks for listening!!!! Oh this also happened with a guy at my FI's work who was fired, we werent going to send him at invite either, are we terrible!!??!
Posted by amazing22324[/QUOTE]

Anyone who got an STD gets an invite.  Period.  Sorry.  This is yet another reason I think STDs are stupid.

Mrs.B6302007

DItto OOT about taking out your future last name.  Someone will google you.

RachNRich

STD = Invite.

But, if you don't talk to her, and you send her an invite---do you actually think she will come anyways? I highly doubt it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It's rude, and offensive. But do you care if she's offended or thinks well of you now? Will you ever need to use her for a reference? Will she talk badly behind your back in your industry?

NOT that you should be rude to anyone for any reason, but...

lauralaur

Just send the invite. I can't believe she'd come anyway, and at least you'll know you did the polite/nice/right thing.

pandasquishy

Send it, she probably won't come anyway.  

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

And does your FI live in Oak Park or is he still in Mundelein? And I take it his mother's name is Susan?

Mrs.B6302007

Eeep!  Told you!

redheadfsu

I would send the invite, b/c I would feel terrible if I didn't. Who knows, maybe she booked a hotel already. (Highly doubt it, but you never know). Most likely she will decline, but I personally I would feel obligated  to do the right thing.

ootmother2

msmary is such a stalker!!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Hey, I really don't care about how people treat their own internet safety, but since everyone else brought it up, I couldn't bypass the opportunity to freak out a newb!

SarahPLiz

FWIW, I stayed at the Carleton in Oak Park once. I think its a really nice place. Kudos on the choice, but beware of TMI in our bio. Not everyone with a SN is an actual bride.. and even if they are doesn't mean they arent sinister.

dianenjnj

frankly i'd bet she'd be surprised if she received an invite!   since you have lost touch altogether and were never really friends i wouldn't worry about it.  

tb583

This is exactly why I didn't send save the dates.  That way we could tweak the guest list up until we send out the invites just in case relationships and circumstances change.  Plus we only have two families traveling from OOT and they are uncles/aunt/cousins that new the date a long time ago and knew they were definitely invited.

amazing22324

thanks for all the advice girls, and yes i will take out his name.  I am way too trusting.  And the stalking did actually freak me out, but a good lesson!! haha.  I think i will send her the invite and she probably won't come.  She is out of my line of work now, so i am not worried about a backlash or talking behind my back.  She most likely won't come, so i will still send the invite.

I think i totally jumped the gun on the STDs, stupid decision!! 

Thanks again girls!  Happy new year!!