Who to invite for elopement (if we can call it that)?

pwheeler79

My fiance and I are planning to be married in September at a location about 5 hours from home.  We then plan to come back and have a party for close family and friends - about 50 people.
We are completely in agreement on inviting our parents to the ceremony and then after that have had some discussions. 
We decided against siblings - he has none - I have 5 and we thought they would be somewhat relieved and so far they are - 1 sister lives across the country and her mother in law is getting married at the same time; brother is being shortly deployed with military; 1 sister is relieved because she doesn't really have the money to go (was happy to know we will have party shortly after).  So I still have two sisters to tell and I think both will be ok with it. 
We also decided against grandparents because I have none and his grandmother and step-grandmother do not get along at all (surprise!) and the grandfather is gone.
So then we had discussion about friends and I wanted my best friend there but didn't think that would be fair to my sisters.  He said he wanted his dad to be his best man anyway.
So I called my best friend to tell her last night and I think she was sooo hurt and is very sad to miss this.  We had such a great time planning and doing everything with her wedding.  And I just am feeling horrible.  I really want her there especially because my Mom is gone and I want someone else there to help me with everything.  My fiance's mom is awesome but it isn't the same.  She is an amazing best friend and I know she was soooo looking forward to this and helping me and being there for me.
So my question is can I have her there and not my sisters?  Can I call her back and tell her all of this?  It wasn't that I ever didn't want her there - I just didn't know about the fairness.  Is it ok to have parents and 1 attendant each and we just have to tell everyone that is all and fiance is wanting his dad anyway?
Please help me out - this has me pretty bummed out!

graysquirrel

On the one hand, you can invite whomever you wish to your wedding. If you want to keep it at parents and one attendant each, then that is fine, you will just need to prepare yourself for hurt feelings from those not invited. Also, know that everyone that is invited to your at-home wedding reception should be invited to the actual wedding whether they can attend or not.

On the other hand, why is it that you want this particular person there? You said in your post to "help you". That doesn't sound like the best reason to have someone be one's BM. A BM should be your nearest and dearest, not the person who is the best planner or will do stuff for you. Saying that you want her there so that she can help will probably get you flamed, just to let you know.

Kate61487

Only you will know if your sisters will be upset by this.  You get to have whoever you want present (well, you can invite whoever you want anyway...).  If you think your siblings will be cool with it being parents + your bff only then go for it.  If they'll be upset then that's something you have to deal with

amys325

What you are talking about isn't really Eloping.  You are techically having a small Destination Wedding.

And as Kate said above, only you can know if your sister would be upset if you didn't invite her.

stefaniewattie

I think considering that your sisters are choosing not to attend - the money, MIL getting married etc. They wont be upset, because they woudlnt have been able to make it.
Have her there, if my BFF (she is my MOH) was eloping and I didnt get to be there, I would be really upset. You clearly really want her there and I think you should

Starqueg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_who-to-invite-for-elopement-if-we-can-call-it-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:921caa9f-67a9-4e08-b567-05adf8df4f0ePost:e80bac3f-3dcd-427e-9563-67255c4f3395">Re: Who to invite for elopement (if we can call it that)?</a>:
[QUOTE] You said in your post to "help you". That doesn't sound like the best reason to have someone be one's BM. A BM should be your nearest and dearest, not the person who is the best planner or will do stuff for you. Saying that you want her there so that she can help will probably get you flamed, just to let you know.
Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]

It is often something flame-worthy, but at the same time, who helped you into your dress?  Mine is a corset back, so yes, my MOH will have a job to do at my wedding.  That will be her only job besides signing our ketubah and keeping track of her son (our ring bearer).

pwheeler79

Thanks for the input everyone.

I mentioned her helping me because I know from experience that is just part of being the MOH but it is more important to have her there to share in my day as much as I was able to do that for her.  I really really want her there and I wouldn't put it in the next phone call as her being there to help.  I just want to be able to share this special day with her!  She is genuinely wanting to help though - she had been texting me telling me she couldn't wait to help me and be part of everything.

I can honestly say I will not regret my sisters not being there but I think that I will regret my BFF not being there.  After I had talked to her I have just felt bad since imagining being married without the most important person to me besides my fiance there with me.

Thanks again to everyone - I know it is a little sticky but I think everyone will be good with it and I have to remember that it is my day and as long as I can deal with it we need to have it be what we want.

Kylieanne80

The girls are right in that it's an intimate destination wedding. I am doing the same thing and when I told my best friend that we weren't inviting friends she was supportive but disappointed not to be part of my special day. I gave it some thought and ultimatey came to the conclusion that SHE IS MY FAMILY too and I wanted her there. Our families are supportive and we're each bringing our best friend to stand up for us. 

As others have said, only you know how your close friends and families will react buuuut I do think that on your wedding day, your loved ones just want to see you happy and to be involved. They should support what you decide. 

Listen to that little voice that's telling you you'll regret not having your best friend to giggle nervously with while getting ready, and to be there as you marry your other best friend I'm sure she'd be thrilled to get that call...