Bizarre shower invite -- "please bring presents unwrapped"

TheBaysideBride

I was invited to a shower for which the Bride's sister (MOH) requested everyone to bring presents unwrapped. I feel like I'm making a donation to Toys for Tots or something. They're pretty etiquette-conscious people. Has anyone heard of this or know the reason why? It's at a restaurant, if that makes a difference....

vanityink

I'm guessing they're trying to cut down on clean up as they'll be out somewhere. I'm not sure how well it sits etiquette-wise though...

Jen4948

It doesn't.  All a shower invitation can do is invite someone to attend.  It can't tell that person to choose a gift off the registry or what condition the gift should be in.  That's rude.

TheBaysideBride

She's a relative of mine and my very non-judgemental mother said some of her friends were offended by it.

rachelm13

That IS bizarre.  The only thing I can think of is maybe the restaurant has a rule about paper or excess garbage?  Like you get charged if you leave a speck of paper after you leave? Maybe the host wants to "go green"? 

misshart00

My guess is so she doesn't have to take the time to unwrap them. I don't like the idea but I don't know about the etiquette of it. But I do think its against etiquette to specify how gifts should be wrapped.

daria24

It's because it's a "display shower" and they are just going to set the gifts up for people to look at, the bride doesn't want to go through the "bother" of opening up gifts in front of everyone. It's a "trend." Barf. I'd still wrap it.

EDIT: Spelling.

TheBaysideBride

Why just not bring presents??? this is so weird.
then what do we do, scrawl our names with a Sharpie on each box and tape the gift receipt to them?

kidding, but that's how this invite made me feel. blech.

AddieCake

I find this absurd. They may as well have people just drop them on the doorstep and be on their way.

LiLe422

In Response to Re:Bizarre shower invite :[QUOTE]It's because it's a "display shower" and they are just going to set the gifts up for people to look at, the bride doesn't want to go through the "bother" of opening up gifts in front of everyone. It's a "trend." Barf. I'd still wrap it.EDIT: Spelling. Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

Yup, sounds like a display shower to me. Blahhh!

Pookieson

that's realy weird.  I'd wrap that sucker.

Knottie_22382494

I have been to quite a few showers like this where they requested gifts wrapped in cellophane and I must say I thought it was a great idea.  The hosts used it as a tool to cut down on the time it took to open the presents and had they not the bride definitely would not have gotten through all of her gifts given the large amount of people in attendance.  The bride still sat at the head of the room and looked at each gift as if she had just unwrapped it and thanked each giver.  I would much prefer this than the showers where the bride opens gifts the entire duration of the shower which is very boring (to me)!

I understand why in terms of etiquette this would be improper but it's definitely not the worst one in my book!

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bizarre-shower-invite-please-bring-presents-unwrapped?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0412f2a-25d1-4307-8f69-d6760a4ddf5dPost:32500f2f-1725-43d3-b80d-662c45f8fe69">Re: Bizarre shower invite -- "please bring presents unwrapped"</a>:
[QUOTE]Hahah I can't believe i even have to be a part of this. She's also the bride who chose the LEAST flattering dress for her BMs (she's a 5'10 size 2, adn chose a dress that she owns bc "it looks so good!"), and then gave us insane specificatoins on shoes, etc. She's also the relative who told me that my wedding, six weeks after hers, is too close to hers. Yes, PSYCHED for this one!
Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

I take it you agreed to be a bridesmaid for her solely out of a sense of obligation and not out of affection?  Or is she normally a nice person who turned bridezilla?

BostonGIrl4732

My cousin did this.  They invited just over 300 people to their wedding and all the women were invited to the shower (most were family - gotta love Irish Catholic families!).  There were well over 100 people at her shower (again, 90% were family).  They requested the gifts not be wrapped.  Her BMs passed her each gift, she opened the card, looked at the gift, and thanked whoever gave it to her.  It was supposed to be a time saver so she wouldn't have to unwrap 100 gifts.

I didn't like it when we got the invite, but understood once we got there and saw the mountain of gifts.  Normally I'd say that shower should be broken down but seeing as our side of the family alone would have been 60+ people, I'm not sure how that would have worked.

ETA - Cousin had no say as far as I know... this was done by the bridal party so nobody held it against the couple.

winelover123

I was going to assume that she wanted to go green. I've never heard of a display shower until now. I don't like the idea. I love wrapping presents - it is seriously one of my favorite parts of gift giving. I pick out beautiful paper (thank you Home Goods/TJ Maxx!) and ribbon that corresponds. One of my favorite parts of getting gifts is unwrapping them - it makes it feel like Christmas! OP, tbh, I'd still wrap my gift.

TheBaysideBride

At my second shower, for an older crowd, it's more of a luncheon and the hostess just said we won't open the gifts at the shower. I FAR prefer this if you don't want to open presents. I'd rather wrap a gift and assume the bride will open it later than just dump an unwrapped present on to a table.

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bizarre-shower-invite-please-bring-presents-unwrapped?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0412f2a-25d1-4307-8f69-d6760a4ddf5dPost:e6983884-1722-419d-977f-c07af6a2c73c">Re: Bizarre shower invite -- "please bring presents unwrapped"</a>:
[QUOTE]Jen - I absolutely had to (very close relative, let's say sister), but the wedding is just bringing out a very pricessy side of her. I have seen it from time to time, but she likes to come across as a smart, independent woman, so I really didn't know she would be as selfish as she has been as a bride. I'm just taking all in stride - I don't care if I look plump in my BM dress, because six weeks later I'll be in my awesome wedding gown, at my own wedding. I am just trying to channel my southern charm and smile and do what's approporiate for me to do. I send her notes often, have offered to help with everything, etc. Since my own engagement a week after hers, I've gotten not a note, call, anything. But, I feel like I've handled the situation as well as I can. So I guess I'll pluck something off the registry and bring it to this shindig.<strong> On final question for you lovely ladies -- if this is at a restaurant and hosted by her three other (wealthy) bridesmaids and they have not consulted w/ the remaining 5 bridesmaids, can I assume they're paying for it?</strong>
Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

I would assume they are paying for it if they haven't consulted you about anything.

Knottie_22382102

How the hell are you going to make a RD bouquet out of unwrapped gifts???? They have clearly not thought this through.

I would wrap my present however I darn well please....for sure.

Knottie_22382102

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bizarre-shower-invite-please-bring-presents-unwrapped?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0412f2a-25d1-4307-8f69-d6760a4ddf5dPost:d6c050d0-d16f-4e31-91dc-914e2ed7a0a3">Re: Bizarre shower invite -- "please bring presents unwrapped"</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if you have a reasonably-sized bridal shower it doesn't take that long to get through the gifts. But if you have 60 people coming no doubt the guests would get bored. To me that's a fail on the hostess part, not really related to bringing a gift.
Posted by scribe95[/QUOTE]


That's why you have food and games. Games are silly but they break up the time. Food..food is the social catalyst of any event. Cupcakes of happiness.

Peledreamsofrain

The most common reason for this request is that the guest list is so massive and bloated that they don't want to 'waste anyone's time' opening presents.

Simply Fated

It's usually done for either green reasons or to save time unwrapping the gifts, like pps said. I get that, but I don't like being told how to wrap or present the gift that I'm giving.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bizarre-shower-invite-please-bring-presents-unwrapped?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0412f2a-25d1-4307-8f69-d6760a4ddf5dPost:4cee9660-517a-4518-9a4c-c539f0962de9">Bizarre shower invite -- "please bring presents unwrapped"</a>:
[QUOTE]I was invited to a shower for which the Bride's sister (MOH) requested everyone to bring presents unwrapped. I feel like I'm making a donation to Toys for Tots or something. They're pretty etiquette-conscious people. Has anyone heard of this or know the reason why? It's at a restaurant, if that makes a difference....
Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

The reason is to allow the bride to focus more of her attention on her guests PRESENCE rather than their PRESENTS. It's to allow more time for socializing and hanging out. If you have a large shower, opening gifts can take upward if an hour or more.

It's not that odd of a request. It's a new trend now but it's becoming a lot more common. It is how both my sister and I did/are doing our showers.

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bizarre-shower-invite-please-bring-presents-unwrapped?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0412f2a-25d1-4307-8f69-d6760a4ddf5dPost:1d7a57e3-2f8a-4345-bd46-1a19d12d305a">Re: Bizarre shower invite -- "please bring presents unwrapped"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bizarre shower invite -- "please bring presents unwrapped" : The reason is to allow the bride to focus more of her attention on her guests PRESENCE rather than their PRESENTS. It's to allow more time for socializing and hanging out. If you have a large shower, opening gifts can take upward if an hour or more. It's not that odd of a request. It's a new trend now but it's becoming a lot more common. It is how both my sister and I did/are doing our showers.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Oh NO NO NO. You already went BSC in a thread Friday about presents and showers. You are not doing that again in this one. Your advice is bad, your etiquette is wrong, stop giving advice here please.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: It was FFF last week, not a thread yesterday. Regardless, it was still cray.</div>

AddieCake

FFS, if you want to focus attention on friends, have a smaller shower or just get together with them on some random day or have a luncheon or something. A SHOWER is for gift giving and oohing and ahhing over said gifts.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to Re:Bizarre shower invite :[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bizarre shower invite "please bring presents unwrapped":In Response to Bizarre shower invite "please bring presents unwrapped" : The reason is to allow the bride to focus more of her attention on her guests PRESENCE rather than their PRESENTS. It's to allow more time for socializing and hanging out. If you have a large shower, opening gifts can take upward if an hour or more. It's not that odd of a request. It's a new trend now but it's becoming a lot more common. It is how both my sister and I did/are doing our showers.Posted by OwningAHome1981The purpose of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts. If the bride prefers a less giftcentric event she is free to decline the shower and suggest a luncheon instead. However, at a shower, gifts should be opened.Honeymoon registries are new and becoming more common, and they are rude. Something being new and increasingly popular doesn't make it polite. Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

I agree with your last statement. I didnt say my way is right but I gave reasons as to why it is done and why I am doing mine that way. People certainly do not have to do how I am. Givings reasons for something being done a certain way isnt saying its right or wrong. My preference is to hang out with my guests. If someone elses preference is to open gifts, fine.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to Re:Bizarre shower invite :[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bizarre shower invite:In Response to Re:Bizarre shower invite : I agree with your last statement. I didnt say my way is right but I gave reasons as to why it is done and why I am doing mine that way. People certainly do not have to do how I am. Givings reasons for something being done a certain way isnt saying its right or wrong. My preference is to hang out with my guests. If someone elses preference is to open gifts, fine.Posted by OwningAHome1981Yes, but you are suggesting something against etiquette on the etiquette board. We've all done stuff against etiquette, why are you the only one advocating it instead of just moving on? Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

Stating reasons for why it is done is not advocating it. Me doing it for my own shower is not advocating for others to do it. The OP thought it was an odd request so I explained reasons why it is done and added that its a new thing. I did not advice her to do it this way or that it is right in the slightest.

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bizarre-shower-invite-please-bring-presents-unwrapped?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0412f2a-25d1-4307-8f69-d6760a4ddf5dPost:5543f04d-ef71-41b0-8702-be9c4f5459e0">Re:Bizarre shower invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bizarre shower invite : Stating reasons for why it is done is not advocating it. Me doing it for my own shower is not advocating for others to do it. The OP thought it was an odd request so I explained reasons why it is done and added that its a new thing. I did not advice her to do it this way or that it is right in the slightest.
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

<div>The purpose of this board is to suggest to others what etiquette says they SHOULD DO. This is not the 'Opinions' board. If you would like to give others your <em>opinion</em> on how you did it, head on over to Registering and Gifts, or Pre-wedding Parties.</div>

Brittywest05

Is it maybe an effort to make the party "green"? I know when we registered at Macy's we had the option to decline gift wrap on any online purchase.

cbrown828

I have seen this done. I was told it was a "custom" in the small southern town where the shower was held, but I would bet it's not too common outside of that town. The whole point was so she didn't have to be bothered unwrapping gifts. They were all layed out on tables and stuff, and it was super awkward just walking along and looking at each thing. Even worse was the bride complaining to us bridesmaids that people got her things that she didn't register for.

OwningAHome1981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bizarre-shower-invite-please-bring-presents-unwrapped?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0412f2a-25d1-4307-8f69-d6760a4ddf5dPost:8c708b59-1c58-4e16-8efa-4bf3d8ce9eb3">Re: Bizarre shower invite -- "please bring presents unwrapped"</a>:
[QUOTE]I have seen this done. I was told it was a "custom" in the small southern town where the shower was held, but I would bet it's not too common outside of that town. The whole point was so she didn't have to be bothered unwrapping gifts. They were all layed out on tables and stuff, and it was super awkward just walking along and looking at each thing. Even worse was the bride complaining to us bridesmaids that people got her things that she didn't register for.
Posted by cbrown828[/QUOTE]

This bride just seems like lazy and classless.

There are ways to do a shower like that and still be classy.

Peledreamsofrain

We've asked OAH multiple times why she just isn't having a luncheon if gifts are so icky. She never answers, and mostly protests how her guests could never possibly be offended of her treating them that way. Methinks perhaps it is actually all about the lewt for her.