Fl's parents hate each other

Habs2Hart

So, both of our parents are divorced and all 4 are remarried.  My parents get along still so I'm not concerned.  Fl's parents do not.  FMIL has generously given us some money for the rehearsal dinner, but we know we need to host Fl's whole family, not just his mom and her SO. 

I'm sure someone else on here has been in this sitch.  Any advice?  How do we avoid a family brawl?

Bubbalub

I'm not sure specifically what your question is.

Are you asking how to ask your FI's parents and their spouses to act like civil adults for your wedding?

I don't understand why you mentioned that your FMIL is hosting the rehearsal dinner. Is this supposed to have some bearing on who gets invited?

andy71781

keep everybody as far apart from each other as possible.  Talk to neutral family members about your concerns and somebody will probably step up to make sure everything is kosher.  Remember that they can't help feeling what they feel. 

aleighk1

Are you concerned about only the RD or for the wedding too?

Just don't sit them together and hopefully they'll act like adults.

Beachy730

You hope for the best that they can all be the mature adults they can be, and reserve any hard feelings for after the RD and wedding for the sake of their son and soon to be daughter in law. 

If you're asking if you can not invited FI's dad since his mom is hosting, the answer is no.  And if thats what she is asking, then you need to decline her offer to host the party and host and pay for it yourselves.

Habs2Hart

sorry for the vagueness.  I know we have to invite them, but we don't want a big RD, so it should be interesting.  FMIL is hosting, which is amazing, but should we donwplay that she's hosting to keep FFIL's animosity at bay?  So far he hasn't offered to contribute to the wedding, which is fine, but we don't want him to be all burnt feathers over FMIL's generous gift. 

I was more or less looking to hear from people who have been there.  I can't be the only one who has FIL's or Parents that don't get along.  And when I mean don't get along, FSMIL said "congratulations, don't seat us near your mother" when we got engaged.  UGH.  I'm just worried they won't be able to play nice.   I know it's essentially out of our hands, but it's an interesting situation. 

It's not just the RD, also the wedding, but the wedding should be easier because there will be more people there. 

Edited to add:  FMIL has not requested to leave out FFIL at all.  She's not really the problem so far.

ootmother2

I should think they know how to behave in public.

My ExH and I hosted the entire wedding, smiled and even danced with each other and no blood was spilled.  You can do it if you care enough

CSTK1910

My FI's mom and stepmom HATE each other. And they can both be mean/mouthy drunks (although I actually really like them both). They say all the time how they'd like to teach the other a lesson and stuff like that. In any other situation where there was an open bar involved, I would say 100% they would at least...exchange words we'll say. However, they both love FI enough that I really don't think anything will happen at either the rehearsal dinner or the wedding. But maybe I'm just optimistic haha. We'll just try to keep them apart and see what happens. If you are really worried, just ask someone to keep an eye on them.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

How many people are you inviting to the RD? We invited all the OOT guests, so we ended up with about 38 people (out of a wedding of just under 70). My parents simply sat at different tables. I also sat my dad, dad's gf, my brother, my aunt, my cousin and my cousin's son at one table at the reception. I say my mom, stepdad, and some friends of mine at another table. It worked fine. They were in the same ROOM together several times throughout the weekend (only when they had to be), but nothing major occurred. And my parents hadn't seen each other in about 4 years.

I know, it was a point I stressed over, but it all worked out.

jonchrissy

My parents hate each other... well my mother hates my father. This is one of the reasons why I never wanted a wedding in the first place- they haven't seen each other (outside of court) in almost 20 years. 

We had out engagement party in August at FILs house, and they more or less just ignored each other.It worked out perfectly fine.

 I did specifically ask my dad to not say anything to my mother. He wanted to say hi to her, but I knew she would FLIP out if he even LOOKED her way. 

My mother has called me before asking why my father is somewhere (store, restaurant, etc.) and that he doesn't have a right to be where she is....Just giving you an idea of the relationship.

I guess my advice is the same as all the rest- they'll act like adults. If you think there is something one will do that the other will get upset over, I would mention it to them. Just let them know, you would rather they didn't do xyz, as the situation is already difficult enough.

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fls-parents-hate-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d5467646-39e3-44fd-b1d5-594ef1cfc2b0Post:1af75231-d880-4ce6-9439-79859ae169e1">Re: Fl's parents hate each other</a>:
[QUOTE]My parents hate each other... well my mother hates my father. This is one of the reasons why I never wanted a wedding in the first place- they haven't seen each other (outside of court) in almost 20 years.  We had out engagement party in August at FILs house, and they more or less just ignored each other.It worked out perfectly fine.  I did specifically ask my dad to not say anything to my mother. He wanted to say hi to her, but I knew she would FLIP out if he even LOOKED her way.  My mother has called me before asking why my father is somewhere (store, restaurant, etc.) and that <strong>he doesn't have a right to be where she is.</strong>...Just giving you an idea of the relationship. I guess my advice is the same as all the rest- they'll act like adults. If you think there is something one will do that the other will get upset over, I would mention it to them. Just let them know, you would rather they didn't do xyz, as the situation is already difficult enough.
Posted by jonchrissy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Wow. Honestly I completely understand not wanting a wedding so you wouldn't have to deal with that shizz.

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