I've pretty much made up my mind on this one, but part of me is still afraid of the huge fall-out that it will cause with my family, so I wanted some advice.
BG: I come from a large family (8 children: 7 girls and 1 boy). Without going into too much detail, my brother has a criminal record due to his harming a certain category of people. He is by far my Mom's favorite child, and my parents sided with him (against their other children) and went to significant expense and effort to reduce his sentence. My siblings are split pretty evenly regarding who accepts him the way they did before they found out about his actions, and who never wants to see him again (I fall in the second category). My Mom feels that everyone should just be forgiving and move on and be one big happy family again, so she is always inviting him over to their house on weekends and holidays (3 of my siblings still live at home). My siblings and I grit our teeth and put on a brave face to avoid family strife. My brother and I are currently enstranged (which means he calls/texts/emails me and I ignore him).
My issue is that I am inviting several people (who fall into the category that he previously harmed) to my wedding. Many of these people belong to FH's family so not inviting them is not an option. I pretty much hate my brother anways so maybe I am just using his history as an excuse, but I definitely do not want him to harm anyone at my wedding so I am not planning to invite him. I also do not want to be charged with aiding and abetting / being an accessory / promoting a crime, and I feel that inviting him without informing my other guests would fall into one of those categories.
I would probably be more likely to forgive my brother and move on if he admitted that he was wrong and sought psychological help, but he still believes that he is a victim of the police/court system, so I doubt he will ever change his actions.
Is it ok to not invite him given the circumstances? My parents are already upset about my wedding for other reasons (DH is arab and Muslim, they are white and Christian) and I don't want this to be the last straw. At the same time, having him there would really creep me out, and I would be really stressed about the safety of my other guests.
I'm pretty sure that my mom will throw a fit when she finds out he's not invited, and will probably invite him herself. If that happens I plan to tell him that he is not invited, and if he shows up I will call the police and have him escorted out. Is this a good idea?