March 2012 Weddings
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T&P's and some advice

If you all could keep my FI's grandmother in your thoughts and prayers it would really be appreciated! She had a slight heart attack this past weekend and we thought she was doing better yesterday. Well we recieved a phone call yesterday evening and she isn't doing very good at all, her kidney's are giving her some issues and they wanted to put her on dialysis and she said no. She's pretty much refusing any interventive (sp?) treatment to prolong her health and make her better. She was like this in December when she was in the hospital - just kind of giving up over something much smaller. But anyways.. if you all could just send your prayers for her it'd be really appreciatated. FI is really close to her so I know it's killing him.

Now for advice - What do we do if she passes? It's FFIL's mother. If anyone from his family does come (right now no aunts/uncles are) we aren't sure what to do. I'm making arrangements to talk to our reception venue and everyone else to make sure it can all be moved to a different date (like a close sunday) but.. we're at a loss as to what to do if she passes the week of the wedding. We can't push it back too far because FSIL is getting married shortly after and we just want to be married already. So... if anyone has any advice as to what to do itd be nice to hear. Thanks!

Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

Re: T&P's and some advice

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    I'm sorry to hear that and I'll def keep her in my thoughts & prayers. My mom just recently got on dialysis (after refusing it for a while).

    I think it becomes more surreal after realizing that you are limited in options. If she isn't suicidal, I think eventually she'll come around and really try to hone in on her options.

    As for whether she passes- I'd really hold off on worrying about that bc she hasn't yet. I know you want to have a 'plan', but everything will fall as it should whether or not you worry about that. I suggest you plan your day like she'll be there, and God forbid she does pass, even if you DID have a plan, it probably would change depending on how everyone feels.

    For instance, if you planned for a close Sunday, and nobody comes anyway, then you could have just left it as planned. Everyone mournes in different ways, KWIM?
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    Yeah makes sense. It's just kind of hard as to know what were supposed to do. It's hard to happily plan away knowing that things aren't looking good. We'll know more as to what to do this morning, but I do know that she really just doesn't have any positive outlook on much. She was sick in Decemeber and was practically giving up then so it worries me on what she'll do now. I just wish there was a proper etiquette answer as for what we're supposed to do. We're like 27ish days (i didnt look at the ticker today lol) so for me personally - it's still really close if God forbid something were to happen.... I just don't know what the right thing to do is.
     
    Thank you for the prayers, every bit helps.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_tps-and-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:99a99571-6a2c-4bd7-9e35-9b1a7e7de5bdPost:52d19208-49c5-48a2-975e-604c66a97b72">Re: T&P's and some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah makes sense. <strong>It's just kind of hard as to know what were supposed to do.</strong> It's hard to happily plan away knowing that things aren't looking good. We'll know more as to what to do this morning, but I do know that she really just doesn't have any positive outlook on much. She was sick in Decemeber and was <strong>practically giving up</strong> then so it worries me on what she'll do now. I just wish there was a proper etiquette answer as for what we're supposed to do. We're like 27ish days (i didnt look at the ticker today lol) so for me personally - it's still really close if God forbid something were to happen.... I just don't know what the right thing to do is.   Thank you for the prayers, every bit helps.
    Posted by amh04[/QUOTE]

    The hard part is, even if you had it planned, you wouldn't know what you are supposed to do. About 2 years ago we lost FI's mom to a sudden heart attack and we were just dumbfounded. Everything is a blur and if they are as close as you mentioned, the wedding will probably be really furthest from his mind. 

    My mom has literally told me she has 'given up' and that she's ready. It's really disheartening and makes you just want to scream, but hopefully she'll see the positive and try to attain a stronger will to survive. :/
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_tps-and-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:99a99571-6a2c-4bd7-9e35-9b1a7e7de5bdPost:ac9bb2bf-5434-45c6-9383-b7477581d56e">Re: T&P's and some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: T&P's and some advice : The hard part is, even if you had it planned, you wouldn't know what you are supposed to do. About 2 years ago we lost FI's mom to a sudden heart attack and we were just dumbfounded. Everything is a blur and if they are as close as you mentioned, the wedding will probably be really furthest from his mind.  <strong>My mom has literally told me she has 'given up' and that she's ready. It's really disheartening and makes you just want to scream, but hopefully she'll see the positive and try to attain a stronger will to survive. :/
    </strong>Posted by rebeccaa12[/QUOTE]

    I'm really sorry to hear that! I'll keep her in my prayers. I can understand knowing you had a good happy life (when your old) but still.. giving up is just frustrating. Especially when you have so many who love you and want to see you better.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_tps-and-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:99a99571-6a2c-4bd7-9e35-9b1a7e7de5bdPost:28fe6128-a4bf-4a4a-9505-525799d38a1d">Re: T&P's and some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: T&P's and some advice : I'm really sorry to hear that! I'll keep her in my prayers. I can understand knowing you had a good happy life (when your old) but still.. giving up is just frustrating. Especially when you have so many who love you and want to see you better.
    Posted by amh04[/QUOTE]

    I know! I even tell my mom..you aren't being fair to your future grandkids, and she's like, well it's your fault for not having any yet. WTF?! She said when she was my age, she already had 3 kids. Wow.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_tps-and-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:99a99571-6a2c-4bd7-9e35-9b1a7e7de5bdPost:362ecfbf-3c9c-4f05-97b8-a68cd88355b4">Re: T&P's and some advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: T&P's and some advice : I know! I even tell my mom..you aren't being fair to your future grandkids, and she's like, well it's your fault for not having any yet. WTF?! She said when she was my age, she already had 3 kids. Wow.
    Posted by rebeccaa12[/QUOTE]

    Oh man. That is really hard to deal with. I couldn't imagine. It's like once they get in that mindset and mentality it's hard to pull them out. I dealt with that with my grandmother before she passed and it's extremely draining. I hope things improve, maybe once the wedding arrives it'll get her into a positive attitude.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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    She is in my thoughts and prayers.  As for advice, I think Rebecca had a lot of good things to take into consideration.  I would just wait before you start planning anything and as Rebecca said, continue to plan as normal. 
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    I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers!
    imageAnniversary
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    I just finished reading the book "A Practical Wedding". It has an entire chapter dedicated to tough situations like this. They interviewed many brides, but I think the message I got from it was to go ahead and have the wedding. A wedding is a happy reason to bring everyone together, and there is nothing like a funeral to show that life is short, so we should take every advantage to celebrate while we can.


    I bought it as a digital edition through kobobooks.com . I liked this book so much that I'm re-reading it for the second time. I wish it was published six months ago when I was starting to plan.
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