invitation wording if grooms father is deceased and has different name to groom

jenniferrichard

I'm trying to word my invitations BUT  we want both the brides parents names and grooms 'parents' names
the grooms bio parents will not be included but his 'adoptive parents will, grooms 'father' past away early this year but we want to include him. grooms last name is not the same as fathers.
i am so stuck! i want to avoid putting late john doe if i can but i feel it probably should be included as i dont want brides family introducing themselves to grooms 'mom' and asking about 'dad'
any help would be greatly appreciated!!

pirategal03

It sucks but it's really not proper to put a deceased parent's name on the invitation.  They can't host, so their name doesn't belong.

You should stick with only the names of living parents be that adoptive or otherwise.

jena.n.ross

Ditto PP, I'm sorry for your loss, but it's inappropriate to put a deceased parent's name on the invite.  The people hosting the event should be on the invite, ie whoever's paying.  

In addition to being improper etiquette, it's just kind of morbid.  You can still honour his memory, without making a reference on the invite.  You can reserve him a seat at the wedding (I've seen this done with a bouquet of flowers), or do a memory page in the program.

Discluding his name on the invite does NOT diminish or invalidate the positive influence on your FI's life.  

meaghan803

I definitely agree with hz that you should check with FMIL.  I had suggested we put "FI, son of Mrs. FI's Father's Full Name" but FI and FMIL felt strongly that this was inappropriate (even though she still goes by Mrs. FI's father's last name).  I still don't understand exactly why they thought it was inappropriate and know that most widow's go by Mrs. John Smith, clearly this doesn't apply to everyone.

meaghan803

FI and FMIL felt very strongly that FI's late father be included on the invitations.  I felt that it would be morbid to include him but deferred to their wishes since it really meant more to FI to have his dad's name on the invitation than it did to me to strictly follow etiquette.  I suggested that we put "FI, son of Mrs. FI's father's name" but FI and FMIL didn't like this option, so we put "FI, son of FMIL and the late FI's father's name".  Maybe your FI will like this option and you can avoid putting "the late" on your invites, though? I know it's not technically correct, but FI really appreciated having his dad's name on the invitation.

I don't think it matters that FI has a different last name, especially if you put "son of" before his parents names.  Good luck!

hz80408

Who is hosting?

Here's on format:

Mr. and Mrs. Yourdadsfirstname Lastname
requests the pleasure of your company <use "honor of your presence" for house of worship ceremony
at the marriage of their daughter
Yourfirst Yourmiddle
to
FIfirst FIs middle
son of
Mrs. FIsdadfirst FIsdad last <I believe widows are still addressed by Mrs. John Smith, etc.  However, you may want to ask FMIL how she'd like to be addressed.